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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24141781">New Light (You're Gonna See Me)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hey_1723/pseuds/hey_1723'>hey_1723</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Women's Soccer RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, F/F, Stargazing, Summer Camp, slow burn?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:15:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>64,139</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24141781</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hey_1723/pseuds/hey_1723</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Yeah, if you give me just one night<br/>To meet you underneath the moonlight<br/>Oh, I want a take two, I want to breakthrough<br/>I wanna know the real thing about you<br/>So I can see you in a new light"</p><p>Christen Press found her home under the stars in the middle of a forest working as an overnight soccer-camp counselor after her personal career ended almost before it began. She loves everything about her life there–until she gets paired with an overly-confident and excessively-attractive Tobin Heath for the summer and is convinced Tobin is out to ruin her life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tobin Heath/Christen Press</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>326</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. They're Gonna Throw it Back to You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pulling her bag out of the trunk with a grunt, Christen slowly but steadily hauled it up the daunting staircase leading up to her cabin, where she would live for the next eight months of her life. No matter how many times she’s faced these steps, the climb never got any easier.</p><p> </p><p>For someone with such athletic talent and the physique of an olympian, every time Christen returned to the camp, she forgot how difficult it truly is to make it up to the wooden door of the log cabin.</p><p> </p><p>When she finally made it to the top of the staircase, she fumbled for the old set of keys, scraping it against the rusty lock with a satisfying and familiar click. The stingy and stale smell filled her lungs, the room not having been occupied for the winter months.</p><p> </p><p>Plopping down on the twin sized bed, she stared at the ceiling fan making circles in the warm air, and took her first deep breath of fresh mountain air, one of millions she would take this summer.</p><p> </p><p>Since before she can remember, Christen has never been able to stay away from the pitch for too long.</p><p> </p><p>Her home has always been on the field with a ball at her feet, where she’s experienced both her biggest heartbreaks and biggest successes, where she’s felt most at peace.</p><p> </p><p>From youth recreational leagues to competitive club teams to youth national camps, it’s no doubt that Christen had irrefutable talent and a remarkable work ethic (as her various coaches and trainers often mentioned) that is definitely still part of her current persona.</p><p> </p><p>When the game she loved so dearly was ripped away from her because of an irreparable torn ACL, an injury she sustained during her freshman season playing at Stanford, she was forced to quit playing competitively entirely. In the aftermath, she was completely lost.</p><p> </p><p>She’d tried everything–yoga, swimming, meditation, journaling, cooking, the list goes on; to fill the gaping soccer-shaped hole the game left in her life.</p><p> </p><p>Though yoga and meditation are now practices she incorporates into her daily life, filling the void seemed to never be enough to satisfy her need for purpose, her relentless attitude, and her determined personality. Christen always found herself longing for the same thrill soccer gave her all those years, longing to be back on the field where she knew she belonged.</p><p> </p><p>So when Julie Foudy called the summer after her injury inviting her to work and coach at her summer Sports Leadership Academy, essentially a glorified overnight camp, Christen accepted without hesitation.</p><p> </p><p>How could she possibly say no to an opportunity like this, to get involved with the game again without all the risk? After spending her summers in college proving herself to be the most skilled and versatile coach the camp had, Julie offered her a full time position as soon as she graduated.</p><p> </p><p>Christen spent every spring through fall since that call in Tuolumne County in the depths of Northern California, surrounded by the ever growing Redwoods and under the tireless sun, inspiring young girls to fall in love with the game just like she did, all those years before. </p><p> </p><p>She worked here from March through October every year, only returning to Los Angeles to work as a yoga instructor at her sister’s studio for the winter months the camp was closed. So for Christen, this camp was a full time job.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>As she had for the past few years, she arrived at the camp three days before the first round of campers would show up for a week of work and fun to set up for the months ahead.</p><p> </p><p>After spending a few minutes contemplating her next move staring at the slow-spinning ceiling fan, she decided to go meet Julie in the cafeteria where she said she’d be when Christen called her to let her know she was on her way up from Los Angeles. </p><p> </p><p>Christen heard her old sneakers crunch on the gravel once she stepped onto the beaten path, and a smile fought its way to her face despite the fatigue from the three hour drive. She stretched her arms above her head and looked above at the huge trees, filled with pure joy.</p><p> </p><p>This was her home. And she was so happy to be back.</p><p> </p><p>Right as she pushed the doors of the cafeteria open, she spotted Julie in the corner of the old-school room speaking with a maintenance employee, who looked over at the noise. Christen waved shyly and Julie ended her conversation with the man and walked leisurely over to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on now, don’t be a stranger,” Julie said, wrapping Christen in a warm and inviting hug.</p><p> </p><p>Christen looked up to Julie as a mentor and watched her play for the national team throughout her childhood, so to have the camp director think of her as a friend rather than just another employee was something Christen really cherished. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” Christen replied, stepping out of the hug and moving her hands to her hips. “It’s really nice to be back. I thought this winter would never end, seriously.”</p><p> </p><p>“Me neither. I’m surprised this place survived, to be frank,” Julie laughed with a hint of unease in her voice. “I think your friends are supposed to be getting here this afternoon, so get ready for the chaos. The campers arrive Wednesday morning, so I’ll need your help setting everything up these next few days.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds great,” Christen said with a grin. “And don’t worry about the chaos. I’ve got Kelley all figured out, and Ali is here to be a mediator for the two of us.”</p><p> </p><p>Kelley was Christen’s best friend and roommate and teammate at Stanford, but she was the one who was actually able to finish her college career and get drafted to Sky Blue in New Jersey right out of college, which was only a few years ago.</p><p> </p><p>While Christen had been working at the camp, Kelley had been traveling the country facing all types of competition. Though Kelley usually only stays with the camp until the end of June when her training with her club team officially starts, Christen was glad to at least have a few months with her best friend. </p><p> </p><p>Christen’s thoughts were interrupted by the loud sound of a car door slamming, and Christen knew it was none other than her best friend. She flashed Julie a knowing look, and the director dismissed her with a laugh, and Christen promised to help in any way she could to get started over the next few days.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as she stepped back through the doors and set foot outside, Kelley’s body tackled her with a bear hug and Christen was too stunned to respond immediately. After a moment, everything registered and she wrapped her arms so tight around Kelley’s neck that the other woman feigned choking noises.</p><p> </p><p>“You bitch!” Christen yelled. Kelley squealed and hugged Christen tighter into her body. If there was one thing about Kelley, it was her sometimes overbearing amount of physical affection the woman needed, even from her friends. </p><p> </p><p>"I missed your stupid face," Kelley said, stepping back for a moment to pinch the woman's cheeks despite Christen's hands that swatted at her.</p><p> </p><p>Kelley surrendered with a sigh as she shifted all of her weight to one side, and crossed her arms. Kelley was always one to get to the point quickly. “Is there a reason you haven't called?"</p><p> </p><p>Guilt panged in Christen's chest. Heat rose quickly to her cheeks as she recounted the hectic events that had occurred in the past few months. She ran a hand through her hair to block her face.</p><p> </p><p>"And don’t use the lack of service here as an excuse, I know you’ve been in LA since like, November," Kelley complained, begging for an answer from her best friend.</p><p> </p><p>But Christen didn't have an answer.</p><p> </p><p>“I know Kel, and I’m so sorry.” Christen hoped she sounded sincere enough for Kelley’s liking, but Kelley just narrowed her eyes. “Seriously, I am. I was having a bit of a rough time and I knew you were busy training so I didn’t want to bother you.”</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t a lie, entirely. Christen did have a rough time back at home over the winter months. Her boyfriend of over a year dumped her out of nowhere, and she struggled with being alone for one of the first times in her life.</p><p> </p><p>When she was here at the camp, she spent most hours of her day and life surrounded by people of all ages.</p><p> </p><p>Christen didn’t like being alone at home, it gave her too much time to think.</p><p> </p><p>Kelley must have seen the sorrow in Christen’s eyes, so she just sighed and stepped next to Christen so she could swing her arm over her friend’s shoulders without asking her to explain.</p><p> </p><p>”I know,” Kelley murmured. “We can talk later, but I forgive you. And you need to remember what we’ve discussed about you thinking you’re bothering me.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen groaned. “I know, I know. ‘You never bother me, Chris’,” she joked, mocking her friend. Kelley nodded in agreement and chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>That was one of the things Christen loved most about Kelley. She was always there, but never forced her to talk.</p><p> </p><p>She was one of the few people who truly understood Christen and all of her tendencies, for better or for worse. Kelley knew Christen would talk about things if she wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>After a few moments of contemplative silence, Kelley led Christen in the direction of her car to help with her bags.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think your big girl muscles can handle one of my bags?” Kelley asked, her usual bubbly but cocky persona shining through again, trying to get Christen’s mind off of whatever she was thinking about. </p><p> </p><p>Christen rolled her eyes. “I’m stronger than you, so don’t even try,” she protested as she grabbed Kelley’s biggest suitcase out of the trunk, trying to prove a point. “What’s even in here? Rocks?”</p><p> </p><p>“Something like that,” Kelley replied with a shrug. They started back to the cabin area, Christen next to Kelley in quiet but comfortable silence for a while. “So,” she began, wanna talk about it?”</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s shoulders physically relaxed. She let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess, yeah,” she shrugged with a timid smile on her face. </p><p> </p><p>“Tell me what’s going on,” Kelley prompted.</p><p> </p><p>“He dumped me, dude,” Christen let out in an almost embarrassed tone. Kelley opened the door to her cabin and invited Christen inside. Once they set the bags down, they both sat on the edge of the bed. Christen couldn’t bring herself to look at her friend as she shrunk into herself.</p><p> </p><p>“Who, Nima?” Kelley asked, but when Christen met her eyes with her signature-death glare, Christen knew Kelley was only trying to cheer her up. “I’m kidding, Chris. But seriously, what a douche. He didn’t deserve you anyway. What the hell happened?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t even know. It’s fine, honestly,” Christen said. And it was, mostly. “It was, like, a month ago. He came and got his things he left in my sister’s apartment, and just told me we were over. I have no idea where it came from.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Kelley sighed, sounding genuinely upset for her best friend. “I know how important he was to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I just can’t help but think that maybe if we’d just stayed friends then none of this would have happened, you know?” Christen said.</p><p> </p><p>“I swear to god I’m gonna kill him,” the freckled woman murmured, and honestly, Christen wouldn’t put it past her. She playfully shoved Kelley with her shoulder and told her to knock it off.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously, though!” Kelley complained. “We need to find you someone who’s going to treat you better than he ever could. It’s what you deserve,” she continued.</p><p> </p><p>Christen laid her head on Kelley’s shoulder, and they relaxed into each other, happy to be by each other's sides after so many long months. </p><p> </p><p>“How was training?” Christen asked after a moment, changing the subject. Although she was sad she didn’t get the chance to fulfill her dreams of going pro, she was never jealous of Kelley. She was always happy to her about her friend’s experiences and successes with the team. Kelley’s face lit up at the question.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s going really great, yeah,” Kelley said in a daze with a stupid grin on her face and earning an eye roll from Christen. Christen knew that could mean only one thing. Usually, Kelley would blabber on about her experiences with training and her teammates. She only looked and sounded like this when there was a girl involved, leaving out details that would give too much away.</p><p> </p><p>“Who is it?” Christen demanded.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Who is she? I need to know everything.”</p><p> </p><p>“How did you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“I always know. Come on, Kel. Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p> </p><p>“I could say the same to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Their eyes met and they laughed off the tension, clearly happy to be back to their casual bickering and teasing. Christen smiled, and Kelley returned an even bigger one.</p><p> </p><p>The camp had a healing effect on both of them, and helped them see more clearly by focusing on the game they both loved, no matter what was going on in their outside lives. </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Two exhausting days later, Christen felt the fatigue in her bones right when her alarm clock aggressively blared through her sleep. </p><p> </p><p>The campers hadn’t even shown up yet, but she was already feeling it.</p><p> </p><p>The days after she arrived were filled with lifting heavy objects (to Kelley’s amusement - she loved watching Christen struggle with that kind of stuff), mowing grass, prepping the rooms, and many more simple but tiring tasks.</p><p> </p><p>The camp did have maintenance and service employees, but over the years, everyone found it was easier if everyone chipped in and helped a little. After all, the coaches did arrive a few days early and everybody could use an extra hand.</p><p> </p><p>Christen fought to keep her eyes open as she rolled out of bed and groaned the moment her feet hit the floor.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t even think it was possible to be so sore. And she'd been a collegiate level athlete, if that says anything.</p><p> </p><p>She lazily put on her glasses and slides to make the short walk to the reserved employee-only bathroom around the corner from her cabin. She ran into Kelley on the way, as they normally did, and the two went about their daily morning routines side by side.</p><p> </p><p>Christen and Kelley both appreciated the quiet time they had together before the campers and the rest of their friends showed up. Kelley was definitely one made to handle chaos, but she still enjoyed the relaxing routines her and Christen shared.</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s routine was notably longer than Kelley’s simple and lazy brush-teeth-brush-hair-wash-face routine. Christen had to straighten her hair and knot it into simple but elegant braids (she hated the way her natural hair frizzed up in the humidity and heat of these mountains), complete a three-step skincare routine and moisturize her entire body. Some of her steps aren't necessary, but Christen found these routines grounding, especially in a place filled with chaos and screaming children.</p><p> </p><p>Next thing she knew Christen was dressed in her staff polo and athletic shorts, and was standing in a circle between Kelley and Ali, another close coworker and friend but more experienced coach. Other coaches also occupied the outside of the circle, all of them returning and familiar to Christen. </p><p> </p><p>“Welcome everyone to the first day of the first week of my sports leadership camp!” Julie exclaimed, her voice booming through the empty cafeteria that would soon be buzzing with campers. The staff whooped with excitement and their scattered applause bounced off the walls. “I’m very excited to get started, and I know all of you guys are too, so let’s get right to it. Kelley, since you can’t stay for the whole open season, so I’m gonna put you with Ali, because she’s more experienced and when you leave she won’t have such a hard time on her own. You guys are with the U-14s.”</p><p> </p><p>Kelley and Ali shared a smile but Kelley bumped her hip into Christen’s, sharing a similar feeling of confusion as to why the two were not placed together like they normally were. </p><p> </p><p>Julie continued down the list of paired coaches; JJ and Crystal with the U-9s, Mal and Rose with the U-12s, Sonnett and Lindsey with the U-10s, Pinoe with the U-6s (she was honestly the only one who could handle that), and so on and so forth. Julie dismissed the group, but not before asking Christen to hang back a moment. Kelley gave a quick squeeze to Christen’s hand, reminding her that whatever Julie’s plan was, it was going to work out. </p><p> </p><p>Christen watched and wiped her hands on her pants as the group made their way out the doors and towards the circle where the entrance to the camp was, waiting for drop off to start. </p><p> </p><p>“Press,” Julie started as she flipped through the pages attached to her clipboard, not picking up on Christen’s outward nerves. “I know you’re bummed to not be with Kelley, but you know you’re my favorite so that’s why I’m tasking you with what might be a bit of a challenge.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s chest surged with pride, loving the compliment. So what was a little bit of a challenge? Christen had never been one to back down from a challenge, especially having to do with sports or competition. <em> This can’t be too bad </em> , she thought to herself, <em> right? </em></p><p> </p><p>“I’m putting you with a new staff member to coach the U-16 group this season. You’ll show her the ropes, she wasn’t able to come to the midwinter training session for new coaches. I’m trusting you with this one.” Julie met Christen’s eyes and Christen tried not to let her disappointment show outwardly on her face. </p><p> </p><p>As much as Christen loves to be a leader and role model especially for other less experienced coaches, being responsible for their most important age group on her own would have been exciting. Regardless, Christen was always ready for a challenge, even if she had to be with another person. Christen nodded in acknowledgement. Julie reached out and set her hand on Christen’s shoulder reassuringly.</p><p> </p><p>“Great, I knew I could count on you," she smiled as she flipped back the papers on the clipboard. "Tobin is arriving sometime today, she had a little conflict so couldn’t make it a few days earlier. I’ll introduce you two when she arrives.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen thanked Julie and didn’t think twice before heading out to join the others just as the first few cars started to arrive at the entrance. Her job was to open doors for the campers and help them to the side with their bags, so the parents wouldn’t have to get out of the car, which would immensely slow down the process.</p><p> </p><p>Efficiency was key, even during drop off. Christen readily unloaded some campers and cars, greeting campers with excitement and enthusiasm, welcoming them to the leadership academy. She flashed a few comforting smiles to parents who seemed worried about leaving their kids in the woods for a week. </p><p> </p><p>Christen fed off of the kids’ excitement and pure love of the game. Their attitudes were refreshing to her. It reminded her of when she was a kid, just entering into the world of soccer.</p><p> </p><p>Everything had been flowing as smoothly as possible when a sleek black BMW with some Killers song blaring through its speakers pulled up right in front of Christen. A young girl, about the age of eight, threw open the door and hugged Christen’s legs right as she stepped out of the car. “I’m Charlie,” the girl said. “What’s your name?”</p><p> </p><p>Her big blue and curious eyes gazed right up at Christen. Christen laughed, she found it cute and charming when kids were outgoing, even though they didn’t have any idea who she was. They were so trusting, for better or for worse. </p><p> </p><p>The music was suddenly stopped and the loud hum of the car was cut off with a door slamming on the drivers side. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m Christen,” she said, smiling at Charlie and grabbing her bag from the open door of the passenger side. As she saw the driver stand up out of the seat and begin to turn, Christen was annoyed with the audacity of this driver.</p><p> </p><p>First, they made a scene upon arrival, disrupted the calm atmosphere of their surroundings, and now, they were outright breaking the rules.</p><p> </p><p>Christen immediately launched into her short speech about how parents aren’t allowed to get out of the car.</p><p> </p><p>“Actually, she’s not my kid,” the driver said with a bit of a bite when Christen stopped talking. Right as Christen was thinking about what an absolute asshole this person was, the formerly mysterious driver finished turning around, and Christen’s eyes were met with the most obnoxious sunglasses she’d probably ever seen in her entire life.</p><p> </p><p>The woman behind the sunglasses was wearing a black snapback and ripped skinny jeans with her mid-length hair pulled over one shoulder, standing in an annoyingly casual stance and leaning forward against the car so she could see over to the other side. </p><p> </p><p>Christen decided right then that this woman annoyed her. She was probably just jealous of her apparent level of confidence and casualness that Christen struggled so often to maintain. </p><p> </p><p>“But don’t worry, I’ll be on my way soon,” the woman said with a wink.</p><p> </p><p>She turned to the child.</p><p> </p><p>“Bye Charlie, be safe and blah-blah all that stuff your mom kept telling you. She’ll kill me if I don’t bring you back in one piece.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be careful. I’m gonna play soccer just like my mom!” Charlie exclaimed, her eyes lighting up as she scanned the beautiful scenery around her.</p><p> </p><p>She grabbed one of her bags and started walking towards where Rose and Sonnett were corralling the children, talking and joking with them animatedly.</p><p> </p><p>The woman smiled at Charlie, long enough for Christen to notice her perfectly aligned teeth, and pushed off the car to climb back inside. Christen grabbed the bag on the floor and turned around as the car turned back on, presumably to drive back to wherever it came from, wherever this woman came from. When the car didn’t move, Christen turned around with a sigh to see what was going on.</p><p> </p><p>The woman rolled down her window slowly, in an almost painful manner. Christen crossed her arms in annoyance and anticipation for whatever she was about to hear.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s the parking lot?” the woman asked with a smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not allowed to stay," Christen explained blatantly with her chin a bit raised. “This makes it easier on everyone.”</p><p> </p><p>The woman took off her sunglasses, Christen was thankful to get those ugly things out of her sight, immediately becoming more thankful once she saw this woman’s face.</p><p> </p><p>Her cheekbones sat high on her face and they along with her jawline were perfectly sculpted. She was almost stunned at how beautiful this woman was, but she quickly composed herself and narrowed her eyes again. </p><p> </p><p>“Uh, I know," the woman chuckled. "But do you know where I can find Julie?" The woman patted the top of the car with her hand.</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, keeping her arms crossed.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, so she was on first name basis with the director of the camp? Interesting.</p><p> </p><p>She waited for the woman to explain more.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Tobin?” the woman said as if it was a question, maybe even asking Christen if she recognized the name. “Tobin Heath?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! This is my first published work on this site so I'm super excited to work on it and give you guys something lighthearted to read during quarantine. Please let me know what you think in the comments. I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Difficult Little Devil</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Christen’s jaw involuntarily dropped and left her mouth agape, opening and closing a few times as if she had something to say. Her hands fell to her sides.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin Heath, of course. This was the woman she was going to be paired with for the duration of the camp's season.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You’ve got to be kidding me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t want to laugh, but a giggle bubbled up from her chest through her throat and she couldn’t contain it. Tobin just looked at her with inquisitive eyes, Christen still wheezing. She didn’t seem too phased by Christen’s irregular behavior, though.</p><p> </p><p>Christen silently cursed Julie for not being here at this moment to properly introduce them, but she reluctantly lifted her hand and pointed towards where Tobin could leave her car for the time being until she could move it to a more permanent spot. Tobin thanked Christen, put the car in drive, and drove away at a speed that left Christen coughing in the dust. </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the drop-offs went smoothly. Christen only had to deal with two crying kids, younger of course, nervous to be away from their families for a whole week. Christen had a way with them. </p><p> </p><p>Regardless of the situation, she was always able to calm them down from whatever meltdown they were having and make them forget what they were even upset about in the first place. This was a quality her co-workers often appreciated, as it was a rare and ever-valuable skill.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as the last car left the circle, everyone watched it drive down the road until it disappeared. The first week was officially underway. Christen was excited but nervous to see how things were going to shake out. The first week was always the toughest, but the most rewarding nonetheless. Kelley strolled up to Christen and shook her from her daze. </p><p> </p><p>“You ready?” she asked. </p><p> </p><p>“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Christen said nonchalantly, bringing her hand up to pretend like she was admiring her nails. Kelley gave her a confused look, and Christen took off in a sprint towards the cafeteria, where all of the kids were waiting patiently for their week of adventures to start. </p><p> </p><p>“Screw you!” Christen heard Kelley yell from behind. Christen laughed as the wind flew past her ears and tangled her hair.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re supposed to tell me when we’re racing,” Kelley breathed heavily, clearly not anticipating Christen to do this to her on the first day. Christen loved tricking Kelley into racing her, especially because she knew she’d always win. Kelley put her hands on her knees and dropped her head towards the ground. “I’m gonna run up to my room, but tell me if anything exciting happens.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, whatever, loser.”</p><p> </p><p>Every staff member minus Kelley stood in a circle around about a hundred seated kids as Julie spoke to them about the events of the week. She ran through the rules of the cabins and the rules for the respective age groups. Christen knew the drill. Lights out at 11 for the older girls, 9 for the younger girls, so on and so forth.</p><p> </p><p>Luckily, Christen didn’t have to supervise any cabins this year. That job was for the newer coaches who usually had less to do. Sleeping in a cabin with almost a dozen preteen girls wasn’t the most appealing idea to Christen or anyone else for that matter. It was a recipe for disaster.</p><p> </p><p>Julie organized the older kids by age group and sent them to their cabins and sent some staff with the younger campers to help them get situated, and told everyone to be back in an hour with all of their gear. The remaining coaches who weren’t helping with that gathered in the front of the room, talking and joking in small clusters here and there. </p><p> </p><p>Christen looked around, being observant as she usually was, and accidentally locked eyes with Tobin, who quickly looked away. She didn’t think much of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Christen, this is Tobin, the one I said you’ll be working with,” Julie explained, gesturing between herself and Tobin. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s eyes widened in realization, probably realizing why Christen acted like an utter and complete fool upon her arrival, and shot her a closed-lipped smile that didn’t meet her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Christen knit her eyebrows together for a moment, trying to get some analysis on Tobin’s emotions, but her posture and body language wasn’t giving anything away.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we met,” Christen huffed, giving up on her attempt to figure the other woman out and trying to seem indifferent. She looked away and out the window to where she could see down the hill to the main soccer field.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t get your name, though,” Tobin said.</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s head snapped back in Tobin’s direction. “What?” </p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t get your name,” Tobin shrugged. She stuffed her hands in her pockets in such a casual way it made Christen inexplicably angry for no apparent reason. </p><p> </p><p>The woman was just standing there, asking for her name, but in all of her casualness Christen found herself frustrated. Here she was, paired with some seemingly unreachable and unreadable woman.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s uh,” Christen began, finally meeting Tobin’s eyes. “It’s Christen. Christen Press.” She reluctantly stuck out her hand, and Tobin met her’s with ease and a firm grip, maintaining eye contact and everything.</p><p> </p><p>Once that endless encounter was over, Christen’s mind was reeling. </p><p> </p><p>The woman was so casual, even after she knew Christen was frustrated about the incident in the drop-off area.</p><p> </p><p>They had already had a rough start, and Christen wanted to fix that immediately, but wasn’t sure if Tobin’s apparent attitude and seemingly overconfident personality would let her do that. </p><p> </p><p>Christen herself couldn’t even ignore the warmth that spread through her body as Tobin shook her hand.</p><p> </p><p>“So you guys can take it from here?" Julie asked, clasping her hands together and looking between the two women.</p><p> </p><p>"Yep," Christen responded, eyes not leaving Tobin's. "I guess so."</p><p> </p><p>"Great."</p><p> </p><p>Julie turned and walked away, leaving the two standing alone in the cafeteria. </p><p> </p><p>"So," Tobin started, trying desparately to fill the awkward silence. </p><p> </p><p>"So," Christen repeated. She didn't want to be standing there any longer. "You ready?"</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Christen had just finished explaining the intricate warm up drills to Tobin who had listened intently, nodding at all the appropriate times, her hands still in her pockets, when their assigned team of girls came down to meet them on the main field. </p><p> </p><p>For the next two hours they had the whole field, before they had to move to accommodate the other age groups who wanted to play on the bigger pitch. The complex included an outdoor futsal rink and other smaller fields, but the primary one had always been Christen’s favorite. </p><p> </p><p>It was surrounded by Redwoods, which Christen thought made you feel small, humbled you. Christen was glad they were on this field, because from what she had observed so far, Tobin was one who definitely needed to be humbled. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi everyone!” Christen beamed as she waved the players to come meet the two women standing on the sideline. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey guys,” Tobin added with an almost nervous smile. Christen was glad that Tobin seemed nervous. It gave her a leg up against the other woman.</p><p> </p><p>She had been doing this for years. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m Christen and this is Tobin, and we’re going to be coaching you guys this week. We want you guys to work hard, but we’re here to make sure you have a ton of fun this week,” Christen explained, lifting her arms out in front of her. “We’re gonna start with a twelve minute warmup and a running circuit, and go on from there.”</p><p> </p><p>The players watched as Christen explained the rest of the drills and ended with an explanation of the modified scrimmage they’d play, just so the coaches could observe and make a game plan about what they’d work on for the remainder of the week.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m actually going to have Coach Heath here demonstrate one lap of the running circuit to help you guys get a better sense of what you’re about to do.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen looked at Tobin with a fake begging look in her eyes. Tobin stared back at her with a blank expression, a hint of a grin fighting its way onto her face. </p><p> </p><p>Christen knew Tobin hadn’t gotten the chance to change out of her jeans, so she thought this was a fair amount of hazing she could do in front of the young players. Christen smirked as Tobin’s poker-face expression didn’t change.</p><p> </p><p>And so Tobin took off with a quick speed, almost sprinting but she made it look easy, to the sideline, and through the gates, and did some swift footwork through the ladder, until she turned and made her way down the goal line, all while looking casual as all hell. </p><p> </p><p>When she returned, Christen began a slow clap that reverberated its way through the younger players, who giggled, clearly picking up on the bit of teasing Christen had performed. The corner of Tobin’s lip raised at the response, but she just crossed her arms in contentment and shifted her weight from one side to another. </p><p> </p><p>“Are we ready to get started?” Christen asked the group. She heard murmurs of “yes” and “yeah coach” from a few of the girls. “I can’t hear you guys,” she teased,prompting them to respond again, just as every classic team leader does. The whole group joined in this time, and Christen sent them on their way. </p><p> </p><p>She watched as the group rounded the far corner flag and looked up at Tobin, who was looking right at her. </p><p> </p><p>“I swear, I’m gonna get you for that one soon,” Tobin said without a trace of a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh really?” Christen asked, raising her eyebrows. “I’d like to see you try.” </p><p> </p><p>Christen tried to display her authority and give the message to Tobin that she wasn’t backing down from her, but she also wanted to show that she was only having fun. After all, she was the more experienced coach of the two of them. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“You want to explain what we’re doing next?” Christen asked Tobin. She just nodded in response without looking at her. The last of the girls rounded the corner, and Tobin clasped her hands together with a clap and began to speak. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright guys, that was good, but you guys were pretty slow. Even my grandma could have beat you guys,” Tobin joked, earning a laugh from the group. “But I guess I’ll cut you guys some slack. It is the first day. Right now, I want you guys to forget everything Coach Press right here said before.” </p><p> </p><p>Christen folded her arms and her mouth dropped open in protest before she closed it, wanting to see where this was headed. </p><p> </p><p>“We’re gonna start with a shooting drill. I’m setting up four cones, two on the wings and two in the middle, acting as attacking midfielders. Whoever’s in goal is going to pass the ball to the attacking mids who will go through a passing sequence with each other, and will then cross it to the opposite corner for a runner. The goal is for the runner to cross it while all the other players run in. Got it?”</p><p> </p><p>The girls just nodded in understanding, and Christen was surprised at how well Tobin was able to instruct the drill. Tobin clearly knew more about coaching than Christen originally had thought. Christen suddenly questioned why she had made so many assumptions about Tobin when they had barely exchanged words and only met two hours prior. </p><p> </p><p>She felt embarrassment in the form of heat rise to her cheeks, and she could only hope it wasn’t noticeable. </p><p> </p><p>“Great,” Tobin continued. “Let’s go.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen got her head back on straight after she was thrown off of her game by Tobin, and once the girls were a few minutes into the drill, she got her confidence back enough to return to her role as head coach of this group. She wasn’t going to let Tobin affect her that much.</p><p> </p><p>She observed the group, starting to take mental notes on certain girls who appeared to be more skilled, more confident, more comfortable with the ball. She noted things they needed to work on as well. </p><p> </p><p>It was crazy how much you could learn by simply watching the game get played out. She yelled some pointers at a few different girls, paying special attention to their form in all different aspects: running, passing, crossing, shooting. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin did the same, sometimes offering contradictory advice to the same players Christen critiqued just before. Christen would tell one girl to turn her body to take the cross, Tobin would suggest just to hit it with her other foot. Christen would direct a runner to go to near post, Tobin would say to take it to far.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey twelve,” Christen shouted at a girl wearing that number across the chest of her camp jersey. “Next time, pass the ball closer to the corner so the runner can cross the ball at more of an angle. That can throw off defenders and create more space and opportunities in the box.” The girl nodded and jogged to get back in line but looked up when Tobin called out to her again. </p><p> </p><p>“Nah, that was perfect. Play it like that every time,” she said nonchalantly, purposefully not looking at Christen, who was growing more frustrated with Tobin by the minute. </p><p> </p><p>Christen was determined to figure out what this woman’s problem was. “Do you even play soccer?” Christen snapped, now standing next to Tobin, her hands in light fists at her sides. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin glanced over at Christen and turned her body towards her once she noticed her body language that indicated something was wrong. “Is something wrong? Am I not being paid to give constructive criticism and advice on how to play?” </p><p> </p><p>Christen huffed out a breath that came out more like a frustrated laugh. “I mean yes, but you gotta leave some of this to me. I’ve been here longer and I know how this camp runs. And besides, we can’t keep giving contradictory advice. It’s just going to confuse them.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do <em> you </em> even play soccer?” Tobin asked with a smirk, it just now registering in her mind what Christen had asked her, returning the question.</p><p> </p><p>The question struck a chord in Christen, and her eyes softened for a moment before they hardened, and Christen walked away towards the goal to observe the drill from that angle.</p><p> </p><p>They didn’t talk for the rest of the session.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>After the two hours on the main field were up, the two women and their team made their way back up to the cafeteria for a snack break. Christen grabbed her usual two oranges and protein bar from the snack bar, while Tobin opted for a bag of potato chips. Christen smiled silently to herself, compiling a mental list of the weird things Tobin did to tell Kelley later. Christen dismissed the girls back to their cabins for half an hour before returning to the main field. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin slid onto one of the benches as Christen pulled her legs over the side of the opposite one. The two were alone in the cafeteria, and the silence was almost a relief. Christen noticed Tobin’s shoulders visibly relax after the last player exited the building, but could still hear the repetition of her heel hitting the floor as her leg bounced up and down.</p><p> </p><p>“So,” Christen said, beginning to peel one of her oranges.</p><p> </p><p>“So,” Tobin said back with a mouth full of chips. “I think we need to work on our practice plans for the rest of the day. We can combine some of your drills with mine, because clearly you weren’t happy with the way I took over,” Tobin said without a hint of sarcasm, remembering the sheer anger on Christen’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Christen agreed, feeling herself get flustered. “That would probably be a good idea. But I have no problem with you taking over, it was just unexpected. I didn’t know you’d come here and just run it, you know?” She shrugged as the other woman looked up at her.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, get used to it,” Tobin said, looking straight at Christen. The silence that ensued was a little awkward as they both tried to figure out how to navigate being around each other being virtually total strangers.</p><p> </p><p>In this moment, Tobin hoped that they could be friends eventually. Christen fascinated her. She knew nothing about her, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to. It was then that Tobin decided she would make it her summer’s mission to get under Christen’s skin, in a good way or a bad way, she didn’t care which. Christen wouldn’t know this until much later, of course. </p><p> </p><p>“So, what do you think? About the practice plans,” Tobin continued, putting another whole chip in her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know,” Christen hummed, focusing on the food in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, think,” Tobin deadpanned.</p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t you hear?” Christen asked with feigned horror. She slapped a hand over her chest and threw her head back. “Surely, someone must have told you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Told me what?” Tobin responded with an eye roll, agitated at the way Christen wasn’t taking this seriously.</p><p> </p><p>“We don't have training this afternoon."</p><p> </p><p>"What are you talking about?"</p><p> </p><p>I guess you’ll have to wait and see,” Christen teased, returning her attention to her perfectly peeled oranges, leaving the conversation at that.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, but I’m changing into shorts so you can’t pull shit like that on me again.”</p><p> </p><p>Next thing they knew, they were standing on the sideline of the field watching Kelley and Ali’s team scrimmage themselves. Kelley, standing on the opposite sideline, lifted her hand above her eyes to block out the sun.</p><p> </p><p>“Heath?” she shouted from across the field. Tobin turned her attention away from the scrimmaging girls and glanced in Kelley’s direction.</p><p> </p><p>“No fucking way,” she said quietly to nobody in particular. “O’Hara?” </p><p> </p><p>Christen, clearly left out of whatever was going on, was more confused.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> They knew each other? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kelley hadn’t been present when Christen met Tobin earlier that day. Kelley looked back and forth across the field and decided it was safe enough to cross. She jogged over to where Christen and Tobin were standing a few feet apart. </p><p> </p><p>“Toby!” Kelley squealed, enveloping Tobin into a hug and patting her back, Tobin visibly recoiling at the nickname. “What the hell are you doing here, man?”</p><p> </p><p>“Foudy called and asked me to come and coach for a few months, so I guess here I am,” Tobin said, pulling out of the hug. Christen cringed at their obvious familiarity, their casual intimacy. She felt like she was interrupting something.</p><p> </p><p>Christen cleared her throat. Kelley flicked her gaze in Christen’s direction, the smile about the unexpected surprise falling quickly off her face. Clearly, Christen could forget the list of weird-Tobin-things-to-tell-Kelley, because Tobin and Kelley already knew each other.</p><p> </p><p>“So I take it you two know each other?” Christen asked, more of a statement than anything. She folded her arms as she looked back and forth between the two women standing in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>Just as Kelley was opening her mouth to explain, Christen heard footsteps approach behind her.</p><p> </p><p>“Coach Press!” one of her players shouted. Christen whipped around, looking at the girl, who had a towel thrown over her shoulder and her hair braided down her back. The girls who had been to this camp before had passed on the knowledge of the first-day tradition. Christen smiled to herself.</p><p> </p><p>“Great! You guys are here, perfect timing!” she exclaimed back, overly animating her voice. “Let’s go.”</p><p><br/>Christen looked at Tobin, who was now scanning down the line of players, who were evidently not dressed to play soccer. Instead, they stood in flip flops and regular t-shirts, holding towels close to their bodies. Tobin looked defeated, almost as if she wasn’t in on a joke someone had said. In a way, she was. </p><p> </p><p>Christen shot Kelley a menacing glance that lasted all of about half a second, which Kelley knew meant that she owed Christen one hell of an explanation when she got the chance. Christen had had enough surprises already for day one.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“Great,” Tobin mumbled as she looked out at the water of the blue lake. It was about half a mile hike out to this spot, Christen led the way the whole time while making conversation with the teenagers, and Tobin brought up the rear. Tobin noticed that Christen was a natural leader. It was even apparent in the way the woman carried herself.</p><p> </p><p>The first-day-lake-afternoon tradition was something Christen had started once she first started working at the camp. She couldn't believe that the campers didn't spend much time here over the duration of their stay, so she had asked Julie if anything could be done about that. And it became a tradition soon after.</p><p> </p><p>“What? You don’t like it?” Christen frowned as she set her backpack down next to her on the rock she sat herself down on, not looking at Tobin. Tobin took a seat next to her.</p><p> </p><p>The two watched as the group of girls splashed the freezing water on each other, giggling and squealing and running away from each other. Christen smiled at the sight.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, it’s pretty. But I’ve never been much of a deep water person,” Tobin responded.</p><p> </p><p>Christen was taken aback. She really thought Tobin would have been the surfer kind. “Really,” she said, raising her eyebrows and meeting Tobin’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I used to surf, when I lived on the east coast,” Tobin started, confirming Christen’s suspicions. She was more right about this woman than she thought. “But I had a pretty bad accident a few years ago, and it hasn’t been the same. I’ve pretty much stayed away from the bigger waves now.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen picked up on a sort of sadness on her face, almost a nostalgia.</p><p> </p><p>Christen, similarly, didn’t really like surfing, but not for the same reasons. She had always been one for the lakes and rivers, where there were no waves. It was always more calm, peaceful. It was like that now, even with the girls splashing around about twenty yards away from them.</p><p> </p><p>“Where are you from?” </p><p> </p><p>Christen surprised herself with the question, but Tobin didn’t stir. Christen tried to tell herself that she didn’t care, she didn’t need to know anything about the woman seated next to her. But her mind often can’t keep up with her mouth, which recently in her life had gotten her in trouble many times. </p><p> </p><p>“New Jersey,” Tobin said. Her gaze flicked up. “You?”</p><p> </p><p>“Los Angeles.”</p><p> </p><p>“Figures,” Tobin laughed, glancing back over the water, her smile widening. </p><p> </p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Christen joked, playfully pushing Tobin with her shoulder. Christen leaned back onto her hands behind her and copied Tobin’s stance. Tobin laughed, but didn’t answer. Christen would let Tobin make fun of her all she wanted if she’d laugh like that again.</p><p> </p><p> “Ever been to a mountain lake?” Christen asked, trying to get more out of Tobin. She shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope,” she said, popping the P and leaning back onto her hands and uncrossing her legs. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, like they say, if you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all,” Christen said. The statement was true to anybody unfamiliar with the mountains. </p><p> </p><p>It was different for Christen, though. Christen loved this one in particular, maybe because of how many memories she’d made here over the past few years of her life. </p><p> </p><p>She loved the way she could watch the wind move over the surface causing the water to ripple, loved the way the sun rays appeared deep under the surface, the way she could float for hours and look at the trees surrounding her, tall and strong and wise.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin seemed pensive in her own respect, her mouth pressing into a line. </p><p> </p><p>Christen looked at her, studying her face. She observed her jawline and the way sharpened when she clenched her jaw, her long but straight eyelashes that pointed forwards, and everything else unique to Tobin’s complexion, until she realized that Tobin was staring back at Christen. Christen felt her heart speed up at the eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>“I wanna show you something,” she said suddenly before Tobin could call her out on her creepy stare.</p><p> </p><p>Christen stood up and felt the warmth of the rock on the bottom of her feet. She peeled off her shirt, dropping it beside her, leaving her in a black sports bra and athletic shorts. “Come with me,” she said, holding out her hand. She looked down at Tobin, who had her mouth dropped open, obviously checking Christen out, but quickly recovered and closed her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“What?” Tobin said, her voice high and eyes still closed, still trying to recover from seeing Christen half naked. Christen knew she was fit, but nobody had been this visibly affected by her body before. She laughed to herself and reached up to grab one of her braids, a nervous habit she picked up when she was embarrassed.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on,” Christen repeated. Tobin exhaled and stood up with a grunt. She swiftly copied Christen’s action of taking her shirt off, revealing an extremely toned upper body and visibly strong core. </p><p> </p><p>Christen had been with women before, attracted to them. But the sight of Tobin in her low rise athletic shorts and sports bra hit her right in her stomach.</p><p> </p><p><em> Stop drooling </em> , Christen thought to herself, <em> my god, get it together. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Like what you see?” Tobin teased, a smirk playing on her face. Christen immediately pushed down all of her butterflies and nerves. </p><p> </p><p>She glared at Tobin with a confidence she didn’t know she possessed and shrugged, nonchalantly playing it off. She stood tall with her hands on her hips and took a step towards Tobin, looking her up and down painstakingly slow. “I’ve seen better.”</p><p> </p><p>The tension between the two was visible for miles and literally could have been cut with a butterknife.</p><p> </p><p>Before Tobin could think of anything snarky to respond with, Christen quickly grabbed Tobin’s hand, and Tobin hoped to God that it wasn’t sweaty and wouldn’t give away the effect that Christen really had just had on her, and Christen led a panicking Tobin behind her up a dirt path covered by trees, dodging out of the way of various branches and plants until they stood atop a similar rock they were seated on before. </p><p> </p><p>The only difference was that this one was elevated about twenty feet above the surface of the lake below.</p><p> </p><p>Christen dropped her hand from Tobin’s and looked out over the lake below. Tobin just watched her, focusing on Christen to calm her nausea that arose in her core when she saw the drop.</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely not,” Tobin refused, her eyes widening in realization when Christen beckoned her to the edge of the rock and looked back at her. “I am not jumping off of this thing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yes you are,” Christen said with a wink. “Don’t be such a wimp.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, Christen took a deep breath and stepped forward, launching herself off the rock with a push. </p><p> </p><p>She was suspended in the air and time seemed like it stopped. Everything was quiet, quiet enough for Christen to hear her own heartbeat.</p><p> </p><p>After a few seconds of pure silence and tranquility, Christen was enveloped in the cool water, hitting the surface gracefully with minimal splash. </p><p> </p><p>She breathed out the air in her lungs as she swam to the surface, opening her eyes to see a concerned Tobin looking out over the edge. Because of a combination of the sight of a worried Tobin and the adrenaline rush she received from the jump, she laughed freely, paddling onto her back so she could float, still laughing with a wide smile. </p><p> </p><p>“For fuck’s sake, Press,” Tobin sighed with relief. “I thought you were going to die!”</p><p> </p><p>Christen just laughs harder at this, clutching her stomach in pain.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, it’s so nice in here!” Christen shouted so Tobin could hear her from her high elevation. She closed her eyes in pure bliss, pure appreciation for her beautiful surroundings.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin closed her eyes in an attempt to forget about the large drop in front of her, trying to calm her nerves. She clasped her hands behind her head and breathed out, opening her eyes and watching Christen float in the water. She was going to have to jump.</p><p> </p><p>She swallowed the growing lump in her throat and took two bounding leaps towards the edge and threw herself into the air before she could think any more about it, before she could talk herself out of it.</p><p> </p><p>Her arms and legs moved like they were trying to grasp onto something, but suddenly she hit the water with not nearly as much grace as Christen. She swam towards the surface of the water, shocked and excited all at once.</p><p> </p><p>When she opened her eyes and treaded water to gain her senses back, Christen was cheering and clapping for Tobin in all of her bravery. She could hear the cheers and whoops of the girls back at the main lakeside beach. Christen was so proud of Tobin for jumping, when she wasn’t sure she’d go for it in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>Watching Tobin take the risk and then come up gasping for air with wide eyes made Christen laugh. It was such a stark contrast to her usually calm and composed attitude. She was glad she got to see another side of Tobin that wasn’t just the cocky version she’d seen so far, even if it was just for a small moment.</p><p> </p><p>Without registering what she was doing, Christen noticed Tobin drift over towards her as she was still cheering in the water, and felt Tobin wrap her arms and legs around her in a reaction to what was probably a mix of fear and adrenaline, effectively dragging them both under the surface, leaving Christen laughing and gasping for air. </p><p> </p><p>“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, and I’m never going to do that ever again,” Tobin repeated, shaking with fear. Caught up in her surprise, Christen wrapped her arms around Tobin’s neck and pulled them back to a level where they could both breathe comfortably. It seemed almost like a natural reaction, and Christen noticed how well their bodies molded together.</p><p> </p><p>It made Christen forget how Tobin had acted earlier, and made her forget that she was supposed to still be mad at her for what happened.</p><p> </p><p>For a moment, it was just them, alone in the lake, surrounded by the biting cold but refreshing water and the tall rocks and the powerful trees under the cloudless sky, and they were holding each other. It seemed intimate to Christen, casual almost, but she didn’t let herself think too much about it.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin pulled back, gently pushing Christen away from her. “You are such an asshole,” she gawked, staring right at Christen with no trace of sarcasm.</p><p> </p><p>Christen narrowed her eyes. “I know.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen started swimming back to the sandy bank, Tobin closely following, realizing they should probably be supervising the group of teenagers.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Christen and Tobin spent the next hour apart from each other’s sides, conversing with the group of girls and doing whatever they wanted to do, from building sandcastles to playing water games.</p><p> </p><p>After a while, Christen grabbed her bag and asked Tobin to hang back until the girls wanted to leave, as she was going to head back to clean up and shower for dinner. Tobin nodded, and watched Christen walk back on the trail.</p><p> </p><p>Once Christen was out of sight, Tobin took her original spot on the rock she sat on when she arrived, watching the girls make weak excuses for sandcastles as the sun began to set.</p><p> </p><p>She thought about the day so far and the tumultuous list of interactions with Christen, seeing Kelley again after all these years, the thrill she had from the rock jump.</p><p> </p><p>That’s what Tobin thought was her favorite part of the day, taking a risk and jumping. She felt a pure rush of adrenaline when she flew through the air, and she was rewarded with a smiling Christen and a feeling of pride and accomplishment. </p><p> </p><p>She had felt free, freer than she had in years. She smiled to herself, and pulled her hair out of its rubber band to remake her ponytail that was ruined by the water. </p><p> </p><p>She still wanted to mess with Christen a little, though. It was Tobin’s thing, she had a joking personality and liked seeing people get aggravated with her. She thought it was hilarious.</p><p> </p><p>As she sat on the rock and watched the sun dip lower towards the horizon, she was excited for the rest of her time she spent here. Though she didn’t know how long it would be, especially now, she wanted to make the most of it.</p><p> </p><p>She gathered her things and packed her bag. When she noticed Christen’s shirt that was left laying out on the rock, she packed that in one of the pockets in her bag too, making a mental note to give it back to Christen at dinner.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Christen sat down on the bench across from Tobin with her plate of food, only because she hadn’t seen Kelley when she arrived in the cafeteria for dinner.</p><p> </p><p>Christen looked different now, Tobin noticed. Her hair was in soft and still-drying curls that framed her face and made a perfect contrast with her dark skin. She looked more relaxed here, even with everyone gathered in the same room to eat their first dinner of the week. She sported old sweats and a vintage-looking t-shirt, and Tobin thought she couldn’t have looked better if she tried. Tobin’s heart sped up the longer she looked at her.</p><p> </p><p>“What, am I not your first choice?” Tobin joked, setting her burger down and wiping her mouth. </p><p> </p><p>“Obviously not,” Christen bantered back. A soft smile played at both of their lips though they tried to hide it, happy they finally were at least acquaintances. The frustration they shared with each other hadn’t completely disappeared though, as they hadn’t resolved the bickering they had on the field at the beginning of the day. </p><p> </p><p>Christen wasn’t just one to ignore things like that, especially having to do with the camp and the game. She took it seriously, and wanted Tobin to feel the same. Regardless of her attraction to Tobin and regardless of whatever it was they shared back at the lake, Christen was deep down still very frustrated with the way Tobin acted during their group’s first practice.</p><p><br/>She wouldn’t let Tobin make her forget.</p><p> </p><p>Despite this, Christen decided to wait to bring it up until a later time so it wouldn’t ruin the rest of the night. The two made small talk for what seemed like moments but was probably closer to half an hour. Tobin told Christen about growing up in New Jersey, and her three siblings and nephew she loved more than anything. </p><p> </p><p>In turn, Christen shared what it was like living in LA, going to Stanford, avoiding the topic of soccer altogether and hoping Tobin wouldn’t bring it up. She talked about her best memories at the camp over the last few years, from horror stories about having to clean up vomit from the cabin floors to better things, like sneaking out with the other counselors to have a little fun.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin realized halfway through the conversation that she was attracted to everything about Christen and groaned internally at the realization. Her laugh, her eyes, her body language. The way she talked about her home in LA, and her home here at the camp. The more she talked, the more Tobin didn’t want her to stop. </p><p> </p><p>Though they didn’t know much about each other yet and Tobin would never have admitted it at the time, she definitely wanted to get to know everything about Christen. She wasn’t planning on letting her tough-guy and asshole persona go just yet, though. She wanted to wait until Christen saw her play, just so she could see her reaction. </p><p> </p><p>She reminded herself that Christen made a bunch of assumptions about her and basically dismissed her coaching abilities upon arrival. She silently cursed herself for letting her guard down earlier that day.</p><p><br/>Still talking about nothing in particular, surface level topics, they were the last two in the cafeteria. Minutes later, Kelley called out to Christen and waved her over to the back door of the cafeteria. Christen said a quick goodbye to Tobin, planning on just relaxing in her cabin for the rest of the night. </p><p> </p><p>It was late already anyway, around nine. She had many months ahead of her to have fun and make the most of it, and she was exhausted from the day’s events.</p><p> </p><p>Christen and Kelley walked up to their cabins, catching up on the events of the day and debating which age group was going to dominate in the final U-14 versus U-16 scrimmage that would occur at the end of the week. Christen, so caught up in her passion and steadfast belief in her own team made her forget that she intended to ask Kelley about her history with Tobin and how the two knew each other. </p><p> </p><p>Christen and Kelley exchanged goodnights as they opened their respective doors, shutting them for the night. Christen’s body ached at the sight of her bed, the comforting sheets and blankets calling her name. She climbed in and her head hit the pillow with a sigh, and she was out cold.</p><p> </p><p>That is, until she heard a knock at her door. It was quiet, but it was definitely there. Christen rolled over, looking towards the window, though the blinds were closed. She could still see the porch light casting shadows onto the opposite wall in her room. </p><p> </p><p>Groggily rubbing her eyes and putting on her glasses, Christen stepped towards the door, instantly missing the warmth of her bed. As soon as she unclicked the lock and opened the door, the sight of a shy-looking Tobin stood on her doorstep, looking small.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” Christen said, voice hoarse from sleep.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, uh,” Tobin stammered. Red rose to her face. “I’m so sorry if I woke you, I– uh, I just wanted to give this back to you.” Tobin held out the shirt she left back at the lake. “I really meant to give this to you earlier, but I completely forgot. I even had it in my bag at dinner and everything, I–”</p><p> </p><p>“Tobin,” Christen interrupted softly, reaching out to take the shirt.. “You’re rambling.” She stepped back a little and hugged the shirt to her chest with a yawn. “And it’s fine, you didn’t wake me, really. I was just reading.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then why are all the lights off?” Tobin asked, apparently gaining some confidence back. </p><p> </p><p>Christen looked at the room behind her and back to Tobin. “I can see in the dark. It’s my secret power,” she deadpanned.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, Chris, sure.” Tobin stood still with her hands buried in her pockets. She was satisfied to have caught Christen in her lie.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be an asshole,” Christen said as she began to shut the door. “Goodnight, Tobin.”</p><p> </p><p>She climbed back into bed with the sound of her name rolling off of Tobin’s tongue repeating in her mind. She fell asleep almost instantly, her mind overwhelmed with the emotions she endured throughout the day. </p><p> </p><p>From feeling such immense frustration to attraction to admiration, she had no idea what to feel or think. She let her dreams take over and allowed her body to relax into the bed, getting a much needed sleep to rest for the days ahead.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. You take the high horse, I'll take the high road</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Christen was no more than a mile into her early morning run when the fatigue began to hit her. The altitude was always something that required some getting used to, and the first week was always the hardest, as she’d learned throughout her years working at the camp.</p><p> </p><p>Christen continued to put one foot in front of the other, arms pumping. The dry dirt and dead leaves crunched under each step as she picked up her pace and listened to the beautiful sounds of nature that surrounded her.</p><p> </p><p>As difficult as it was for her to wake up some mornings, Christen loved the feeling of being awake before everyone else. It was quiet, a time for her to think on her own without any distraction. She also liked to think that while she was awake and everyone slept, mother nature put on a show of colors in the sunrise that only she got to see and experience. It made her feel special, and very lucky.</p><p> </p><p>She was able to connect with a different type of nature here, something she grew to adore during her years working as a counselor, something she didn’t get to experience often back in Los Angeles. It was always too crowded, too busy, too loud. </p><p> </p><p>Instead of religion for Christen, it was nature.</p><p> </p><p>She liked to think of herself as spiritual, but she hadn’t taken to religion from an early age. The hours she spent at her neighborhood’s local church as a child felt like torture. Since then, she discovered that she could find spirituality in the world around her, instead of in a church or dedicated place of worship.</p><p> </p><p>She figured it was easier to immerse yourself in the wild, anyway. </p><p> </p><p>She always turned to nature no matter what she was going through. It brought her more clarity than she could get anywhere else.</p><p> </p><p>She thought about these things as she ran between trees, dodging branches that stuck out a little too far on the narrow path. Her mind drifted towards the last few months she spent in LA. Moments flashed through her mind at a rapid rate. She pictured herself running on the beach, having early brunches with her sister, and swimming in the always-cold ocean, something Nima would never do with her. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Nima. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Christen frowned as he crossed her mind. After the sudden and unexpected breakup, Christen threw herself into the yoga studio, working late hours and picking up extra shifts, doing whatever she could to get her mind off of it, including cleaning all four rooms of the studio even when they were completely spotless already. </p><p> </p><p>She never let herself feel her emotions, she realized. She did everything she could do to avoid them instead.</p><p> </p><p>It was only then that it all came rushing back. She felt heat rise to her face until tears blurred her vision. She slowed and stumbled a bit over some overgrown roots, struggling to keep her balance.</p><p> </p><p>Bracing herself and swallowing the lump in her throat, she moved her legs faster and faster until they were devoid of feeling and her face was numb because of the cold morning air that bit at her cheeks. She couldn’t see the trees or the ground or the sky, she was moving too fast.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t cry, not here, not in a place that was supposed to heal her.</p><p> </p><p>Breathing heavily after pushing her limits for the final sprint, Christen doubled over in an attempt to catch her breath when she reached the camp’s central area. Her body ached and screamed for oxygen. She complied. </p><p> </p><p>Lifting her head towards the sky and resting her hands on the back of her head, she was greeted by the pinks and reds and oranges that painted the sky in unbelievable colors.</p><p> </p><p>The sun had risen, and the day was about to start.</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s heart rate slowed down and negative emotions faded away as she focused on the quiet-but-still-there chirping of the birds, the beautiful sky, and the feeling of her beat up tennis shoes on the ground beneath her feet. Everything was peaceful, and everything seemed right in the world, even in Christen’s sudden sadness.</p><p> </p><p>That is, until Christen heard Kelley yelling at the top of her lungs. </p><p> </p><p>“No, dude, I swear on my life! This is gonna blow your mind,” Kelley exclaimed. “All you do is add protein powder and kale, you can’t even taste it.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen rolled her eyes at Kelley’s proclamation and reached up to wipe her remnant tears. </p><p> </p><p>Her friend never shut up about her new vegan creations and discoveries–Kelley, being a professional athlete, was always looking for foods and eating lifestyles that were of nutritional benefit–and recently Kelley found herself in a smoothie groove. She had even asked Julie if she could keep a blender in her cabin, and almost gave the director no choice but to oblige to Kelley’s wishes. </p><p> </p><p>That girl was scary when she wanted to be.</p><p> </p><p>Christen rounded the corner of the building to her left, plastering on her best forced smile, following Kelley’s voice. Much to her surprise, a defeated looking Tobin walked in long strides next to the other woman, groaning in an attempt to get Kelley to shut up for the love of god and for the sake of her own mental well-being.</p><p> </p><p>“O’Hara, please, I’m not going to try your dumb smoothie. Why would you put all that gross shit into it when you could add something actually good? Like chocolate, or something.”</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever,” Kelley replied in Tobin’s direction. “Your loss.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Christen,” Tobin said casually once she saw Christen standing a few yards away, leaning against the building and very obviously listening intently to their conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“I take it she’s on one of her health tangents again?” Christen laughs, stepping into stride with the other two women towards the cafeteria. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh god, please don’t get her started again,” Tobin mumbled right as Kelley launched into raving about a new smoothie recipe, once again. Sure enough, she forced Christen to take a sip of the green colored smoothie she held in her hand. </p><p> </p><p>Christen grimaced at the bitter taste of it, and didn’t even try to hide her disgust. “Jesus, Kell, what the hell is in that? Ginger?”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly,” Kelley said happily, sipping her smoothie again, oblivious or indifferent to Christen’s criticism. Christen couldn’t tell which. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re such a little shit,” Christen said, and Tobin stifled a laugh. Kelley brought her free hand up to wack Christen jokingly on the back of her head. </p><p> </p><p>“Fine. Like I said, your guys’ loss.” Kelley shrugged, and strutted in front of the other two women with a twinge of sass to open the doors to the cafeteria, moving into the room.</p><p> </p><p>Christen looked at Tobin and apologetically grinned, clearly used to this kind of treatment from Kelley. Tobin just shook her head, returning the grin and stuffing her hands in her pockets like she always did. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin was dressed in a black beanie that Christen thought sat too high on her head, old sweatpants and an oversized tie-dye tee. </p><p> </p><p>Greeted with the buzz of excitement and loud chatter of the campers, the three made their way over to grab breakfast at the buffet, and sat down at a table with Sonnett, Lindsey, Ali, and Rose.</p><p> </p><p>The seven of them sat around the table, discussing how training was going so far for each of their respective groups, Sonnett cracking jokes here and there that had everyone buckling over. As they waited for Julie to come and address the group like she did each morning, the staff made easy conversation about many different topics, soccer and non-soccer related.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, wait,” Sonnett began, interrupting whatever story Lindsey was telling. “Since I haven’t seen you guys all week,” pointing from Ali to Christen to Tobin to Kelley in anticipation, “who do you guys think would win in a one-v-one with Press against Kelley?” </p><p> </p><p>Christen leaned back and crossed her arms, smiling, waiting to hear everyone’s answer. </p><p> </p><p>“I want to hear from Tobin first, though, because she barely knows them,” Rose added, leaning forward and looking intensely at Tobin like she was trying to send some kind of silent message.</p><p> </p><p>Lindsey knocked her elbow into Rose’s ribs, who had a shit-eating grin on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“They seriously debated this all night. <em> And </em> all of yesterday at training,” Lindsey explained, in an almost apologetic tone. She groaned and put her head in her hands on the table. “It’s <em> so </em> annoying.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, let’s hear it,” Sonnett said, crossing her arms.</p><p> </p><p>All three younger players looked in Tobin’s direction who was laughing along with their playful banter.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” she started, putting her elbows up on the table and clasped her hands in front of her face in contemplation. She glanced back and forth across the table between a patient Christen and animated Kelley, who was pointing to herself in a “discreet” manner. </p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t seen either of them play, but just from what I know, I feel like Kelley might dominate,” Tobin finished. “No offense, Christen.” </p><p> </p><p>Tobin raised her hands in defense to emphasize her point. Christen just flashed her a big smile. “None taken.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ha!” Sonnett exclaimed, slamming a hand onto the table and then looking at Lindsey. “You owe me five bucks.”</p><p> </p><p>“No way,” the blonde said in shock, shaking her head feverishly. “I guessed the same as you, stupid, I was the one who called that Tobin would say it was Kelley. Rose said she thought Tobin would choose Press.”</p><p> </p><p>“You guys are ridiculous,” Ali said lightly, taking her napkin off her lap and putting it on her plate. Ali, being one of the more senior coaches, was often amused by the shenanigans the younger counselors always seemed to be involved in. “I'm going with Press.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen beamed. </p><p> </p><p>Kelley laughed along with Ali. “For the record Tobin, Chris would totally destroy my ankles if we went one-v-one. She’s got some mad skills,” she said. “You should have seen her back in her Stanford days,” Kelley added almost as an afterthought, looking at Christen seated next to her. </p><p> </p><p>“Awe, Kell. I’m not going to deny it,” Christen teased, throwing an arm over Kelley’s shoulder and the other over Ali who reached up to grab her hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry Kelley, but Christen is objectively better than you,” Sonnett added, teasing the freckled defender.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey. We still love her and value her skills as a player <em> and </em> coach, though, don’t we guys?” Lindsey said as she gestured to Rose and Sonnett next to her, trying to make everyone be nice to Kelley.</p><p> </p><p>Ever since the day the young coach showed up to work at the camp, she had always taken the role of mediating the playful banter within the group. She’d definitely seen it get ugly before, so she often tried to get them to quit it before either Kelley or Sonnett took the joke too far. Christen smiled.</p><p> </p><p>Her gaze flicked back to meet Tobin’s very confused face as the three young coaches continued to debate who had actually won the bet they apparently put into place. The woman’s eyebrows were cinched together and her mouth was puckered in concentration. Christen could almost see Tobin’s mind racing to put the pieces of the puzzle together.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, I knew Kelley played at Stanford,” Tobin began after a moment, elbows sliding off the table as she leaned back. “Christen, you played there too?”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin noticed Christen’s eyes fall within her happy complexion, and something about it made a pit form in the bottom of Tobin’s stomach. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, I played for–”</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, Christen was interrupted by Julie’s booming voice, instructing the campers to meet in certain places to begin the day’s activities. Christen shot Tobin an apologetic look, silently promising that she’d explain later. </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“It's scrimmage day,” Christen said, slowly walking down the line of players standing on the sideline after they had completed their warmup.</p><p> </p><p>Their response was a mix of groans and cheers.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on guys, this is supposed to be fun. Didn’t you all come here to play soccer in the first place?” Tobin added, trying to lift everyone's attitude.</p><p> </p><p>Scattered responses of “yeah” met Christen’s ears, and that was enough for her.</p><p> </p><p>“Great!” she beamed.</p><p> </p><p>“Coach Heath will be in charge of this side,” she said, sticking her arm out in front of her to separate the group into two halves. “And I’ll be taking you guys,” she said to the other half, putting her hands on her hips.</p><p> </p><p>She looked back at Tobin who was smirking, clearly ready for the challenge.</p><p> </p><p>“May the best team win,” Tobin said with a shrug, walking off to the opposite corner with her team. Christen grinned, and called her own group into a huddle to strategize.</p><p> </p><p>“Any gameplan ideas?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think we should do a three-three-three, with you in goal,” one of the players responded, nodding in Christen’s direction.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, that’ll work. Any other ideas we can consider?” Christen invited, looking around the group of girls. </p><p> </p><p>Nobody suggested anything else, either out of intimidation or literal lack of ideas. </p><p> </p><p>Christen decided to let it go and not provoke them, as they still had the rest of the week to open up and be more confident with their ideas. “Okay,” Christen shrugged. “Up to you guys. We can always switch it up if it doesn’t seem to be working, yeah? You guys ready?”</p><p> </p><p>The girls nodded and looked around at each other. “Is there anything we should know about Coach Heath? Like, where she plays and what she does and stuff,” another girl chimed in.</p><p> </p><p>“I actually don’t know,” Christen confessed, mouth pressing into a line. “I guess we’re about to find out. I’ve never seen her play before.” </p><p> </p><p>Christen conversed with the players about where they each wanted to play, and assigned them to different positions on the field, to get a rough idea for the starting lineup. </p><p> </p><p>Christen took her spot in goal, ready to observe and coach her team to success. She stood tall with her stance wide and arms crossed as she watched Tobin saunter up to half-field, presumingly to play striker. </p><p> </p><p>“Heath, really?” Christen called out to her, as the other woman raised her arms in defense. </p><p> </p><p>“It was their idea!” Tobin yelled back, stepping into the circle. Christen noticed she had ditched her beanie and sweats and her hair was tied up in a messy ponytail. “We get kickoff!”</p><p> </p><p>Christen smiled and rolled her eyes, as she watched Tobin pass the ball back to her team’s center back. </p><p> </p><p>Though the game wasn’t a full eleven player game (it was more of a nine versus nine), it ended up being more intense and fast-paced than Christen originally anticipated. She mostly stood in goal, nothing coming her way just yet. Tobin did the same, but standing at half field as the players ran in circles around her. </p><p> </p><p>Whenever she received a pass, she opened her hips and easily trapped the ball each time before sending it to a near player. Christen watched as Tobin analyzed the field with careful eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Christen immediately lost herself in her surroundings, watching the game closely and forgetting whatever sadness nagged at the back of her mind from her run this morning. </p><p> </p><p>Christen and Tobin coached their teams strategically, directing players to move and pass into open spaces, giving them both technical and tactical pointers. After minutes of the ball being repeatedly turned over in the midfield from both teams, Tobin still stood at half field, hands on her hips in an almost impatient way. </p><p> </p><p>The next time the woman received a ball, this time from a defensive midfielder, she turned it behind her effortlessly, looking up as if she was going to make a through-pass to a girl playing on the wing.</p><p> </p><p>Much to Christen’s surprise, Tobin dribbled a little to her left, still looking for that pass, trapping the ball under her cleat when she saw the path was now obstructed by one of Christen’s defenders who Christen herself had directed to drop inwards. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin passed between her feet, swiftly keeping it away from the opposing players, laughing each time she passed it through their legs, completely ignoring the way her own team was screaming for her to pass them the ball.</p><p> </p><p>A smile found its way to Christen’s face, amused by the antics that were currently happening in the midfield. Distracted by Tobin’s behavior, it didn’t register immediately when Tobin made a small but sure touch in front of her, towards Christen’s goal. Christen woke up from her daze and stood on high alert, calling out to different players in her formation to help defend and block Tobin’s passing options.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin easily touched the ball past each and every person who tried to go up against her or steal the ball away. The woman spun around some players, showing off, and Christen had to suppress a laugh at how frustrated the girls were getting. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin made it look so easy. She always seemed to be one step ahead of every person on the field, everywhere at once.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin looked so peaceful yet confident with the ball at her feet, rhythmically dribbling and controlling the ball as she faced countless defensive attempts. Christen couldn’t help but get lost in Tobin’s movements. She looked graceful, yet athletic and powerful all at the same time. </p><p> </p><p>The way Tobin carried herself with the ball was so different from the way she carried herself off the field, Christen noticed. She seemed to be fascinated by the monotonous repetition of the ball between her cleats and the earth below. </p><p> </p><p>Christen wondered if Tobin felt the same familiarity with the ball that she herself felt on the pitch.</p><p> </p><p>Immersed back into her dreamy daze and distracted by a quick-moving Tobin, Christen didn’t even realize that the woman had made her way inside the 18-yard box until the ball was hitting the back of the net that she was supposed to be defending. Off of Tobin’s foot. Which, much to Christen’s embarrassment, curved right around her body. </p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t even moved to try to stop the ball she was so distracted.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin threw her arms up in celebration, clearly messing with Christen and trying to have a little fun while raising her team’s morale. Her team whooped as they surrounded the goal-scorer and chanted “Heath! Heath! Heath!”.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin clearly had more skill on the pitch than she anticipated, which made her face turn beet red, taken off guard by Tobin’s skill. </p><p> </p><p>The new information definitely should have registered as soon as Tobin was passing the ball while standing at half-field, right when she noticed that the other coach definitely had good positional awareness.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s smile grew even wider at the sight of Christen’s realization as she ran with her team back to their half to reset, and Christen swore she had never seen a smile that big in her entire life. </p><p> </p><p>Now, it was game time. Christen was going to have to step it up a notch or two.</p><p> </p><p>Before she could think of anything to say, Anna, a shorter player playing center back, asked Christen to switch with her, to which Christen readily obliged. Christen thought that maybe she could help do some damage on the field while also holding things down in the defense.</p><p> </p><p>However, her plan fell apart when somehow, through a series of lineup rearrangements, Christen ended up playing striker for her own team after about ten more minutes of play with no results. </p><p> </p><p>She stood next to Tobin with her hands on her hips, observing the field, silently acknowledging that neither of them were planning on moving from half field. If they were playing correctly, they would be positioned on opposite ends of the field, right in front of the opposing team’s goal. But here they stood.</p><p> </p><p>This time, Christen received the ball from an outside back, and Tobin geared up to defend her. Christen easily tapped it past the other woman’s body as she stayed close to her touch. As soon as she thought she was free, the ball suddenly disappeared from her possession as Tobin swooped in from behind, completely taking Christen off guard. </p><p> </p><p>Christen stood flat-footed in shock.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell?” Christen said, mostly to herself, as she chased after Tobin who was stopped by Christen’s left outside back. Tobin feigned defeat when she let the girl steal the ball away and pass it to a member of her own team, letting the girl off easy.</p><p> </p><p>Each time Christen got the ball, whether it was a pass from her own team or a poorly aimed pass from Tobin’s team, the first thing she tried to do was get it around Tobin, who seemed to be everywhere on the field at once. Tobin seemed entirely unengaged with the scrimmage until Christen had possession, and she was all game.</p><p> </p><p>Christen knew they were just messing with each other, just having fun. </p><p> </p><p>That is, until every single time Christen got around Tobin, the other woman would somehow get it right back. Christen repeatedly tried different moves, cutting, using step-overs, even trying to pass it one way around Tobin while running the other, but none of her attempts to keep possession were successful, much to her frustration.</p><p> </p><p>She was megged by Tobin, over and over again, until both teams caught on to what was happening and laughed whenever the ball went through Christen’s unassuming legs. Even though it was all fun and games, Christen grew more and more agitated.</p><p> </p><p>Not with Tobin, but with her own skills, or apparent lack thereof. She wanted to prove to Tobin that she really was the reigning one-versus-one champion, but she also wanted to prove to herself that she was still a good player, as she so often had to remind herself after her injury. </p><p> </p><p>Though this was only a scrimmage, it was about the highest level Christen could play at with minimal risk for reinjury, so she usually wanted to make the best of it. And Tobin was ruining it all.</p><p> </p><p>The two coaches continued to dance around each other, Christen’s frustration rising with each of Tobin’s expert touches on the ball, until she gave it all up.</p><p> </p><p>The next time Christen received the ball, she punted it towards the left corner flag before Tobin could react. She watched her team’s winger race after it with several of Tobin’s defenders following closely behind.</p><p> </p><p>Christen finally took a deep breath, the fatigue catching up to her. <em> Damn, </em> she thought, <em> have I really been working that hard? </em></p><p> </p><p>She rested her hands on her hips as she panted to catch her breath, and glanced at Tobin, who wasn’t paying any attention to her. </p><p> </p><p>Her arms were raised in anticipation, calling at her team with defensive pointers and ways to quickly play the ball out of the back, but unfortunately for her, Christen’s winger crossed the ball in the air to the striker. The girl jumped at just the right time to get her head on the ball, and sent it into the back of the net.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin turned. “Nice ball,” was all she said before she turned her attention back to the game. Christen huffed.</p><p> </p><p>What was it about Tobin that irked Christen so much? The fact that they had just competed against solely each other, and Tobin made her look like a fool? The way that she looked so damn graceful on the ball and seemed to have some sort of psychic genius that was able to predict Christen’s next move?</p><p> </p><p>Whatever it was, Christen’s anger began to boil inside her veins. Right as she opened her mouth to reply with some snarky comment, her head whipped to the side as she heard Julie’s voice call out to Tobin from the sidelines. </p><p> </p><p>The game stopped, the group naturally curious about the interruption, but Christen quickly told them to keep playing, and so they did.</p><p> </p><p>“Tobin, come here!” Julie shouted, waving the woman over. “It’s Charlie.”</p><p> </p><p>With those words, Tobin’s face dropped and eyes widened as her casual walk turned into a faster jog. When she reached Julie, the two walked quickly up the hill until Christen couldn’t see them anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of worrying or wondering what that was about, she focused her energy entirely on the remainder of the scrimmage. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright guys, we’re gonna go for a little longer. And I’m a neutral player now. So whichever team passes to me, I’ll pass back to the same team,” Christen said loudly so everyone on the field could hear her. “Let’s get back to it.”</p><p> </p><p>For what seemed like an eternity but was probably closer to fifteen minutes, Christen dutifully completed her task of being a neutral player until she decided it was time to wrap it up.</p><p> </p><p>After dismissing the girls to have an early lunch, Christen slowly walked up the hill behind the rest of the group, sipping her water bottle periodically. Right as she was about to walk through the doors of the cafeteria, she noticed the wide open door of the first-aid trailer. Without any further thought, she spun on one heel and moved towards the trailer, wanting to see what was going on inside.</p><p> </p><p>There sat Tobin, holding a young girl on her lap, who was crying silently and clutching her ankle. Tobin sat on the padded bench as she asked the girl to show her where it hurt, the woman’s feet dangling off the edge. </p><p> </p><p>Christen knocked on the open door as she stood awkwardly in the doorway. “Do you need any help?” she asked with a frown, looking at the girl.</p><p> </p><p>The little girl’s head whipped up at the sound of her voice. Christen recognized her to be Charlie, the kid she met on the first day, the kid who Tobin had dropped off. </p><p> </p><p>“Chrissy!” Charlie said happily, moving her hands violently around her face to wipe her tears off of her skin.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi sweetie,” Christen began as she walked into the harshly-lit room, kneeling in front of her. “What happened?” </p><p> </p><p>“Julie just went to grab some ice. She said she apparently rolled her ankle or something during practice,” Tobin explained, bouncing Charlie on one of her knees.</p><p> </p><p>“I <em> did </em> roll my ankle. Ava tripped me because I kept the ball away from her for too long and I fell over. Really hard,” Charlie pouted. Christen stuck her hand out and ran it over the girl’s slightly swollen ankle that was still covered by a purple sock.</p><p> </p><p>“Does it hurt?” she asked. She looked up Charlie’s tear filled eyes as the girl just nodded and winced at the touch. “I’m sorry sweetheart. Some ice will fix that right up, I promise. We will have you back out on the field in no time.”</p><p> </p><p>Charlie seemed to perk back up at that. Christen looked at Tobin, who had an appreciative look in her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna go hang out with the girls and grab something to eat,” Christen said, giving the two a closed-lipped smile. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She stood up, but before she could turn and walk away, Tobin reached out and gently grabbed her wrist. Christen met her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Stay?” the woman asked, voice small. Christen breathed out and hyperfocused on the feeling of Tobin’s warm and soft hand on the inside of her wrist before her eyes softened.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” she said, setting her water bottle down and sitting back down on the bench beside them, facing Charlie. The three sat in silence, waiting patiently for Julie to return with the ice. Tobin stayed silent.</p><p> </p><p>“So,” Christen said, looking right at Charlie. She took the lead of keeping Charlie’s mind off of her still swelling ankle, as Tobin was clearly not going to do so. She wracked her mind for something to talk about to distract the injured girl. “How long have you been playing soccer?”</p><p> </p><p>“Since I was two,” Charlie replied confidently. “Like, three years ago?” she said as more of a question, holding up three fingers. She looked at Tobin for help, and Christen found it absolutely adorable.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin laughed nervously and rubbed the girl’s sides in a motherly way. “Char, you just turned six, so that was four years ago, not three.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mkay. Four years ago,” Charlie said, looking back at Christen with her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, trying to figure out how the numbers added up. </p><p> </p><p>Based on her age, Christen assumed she had just finished kindergarten, so she wasn’t all that familiar with numbers and how they worked just quite yet. </p><p> </p><p>“My mommy says I was born with a soccer ball at my feet,” Charlie gushed, smiling. </p><p> </p><p>Christen hummed in acknowledgement, and nodded, waiting for Charlie to continue.</p><p> </p><p>When she didn’t, Tobin gently nudged the girl sitting on her lap. “Why don’t you tell Chrissy here about your mom?” </p><p> </p><p>Christen blushed at the nickname, the one Charlie had used for her just a few minutes before. </p><p> </p><p>“My mommy plays soccer in a big– um, what’s the word?”</p><p> </p><p>“Stadium. Where a bunch of people come watch games and stuff,” Tobin explains.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah! A big stadium. She says she started playing soccer when she was two, just like me. But she says that I’m better than she is right now,” Charlie said proudly, raising her chin slightly.</p><p> </p><p>Christen laughed. If Charlie’s mom really did play soccer in a stadium, assuming she was a professional, Charlie would turn out to be pretty good at soccer herself.</p><p> </p><p>“Char, tell Christen your mom’s name,” Tobin told Charlie, wanting to continue the conversation, anxiously glancing at the door here and there, expecting Julie to walk into the room at any second to save the day. </p><p> </p><p>“No, Toby,” Charlie said in embarrassment, hiding her face in her small hands. She shrunk back into Tobin’s chest. “You tell her.”<br/><br/></p><p>“Yeah Toby, you tell me,” Christen teased, sticking her tongue out and earning a quiet high-pitched giggle from Charlie.</p><p> </p><p>“Her mom is Alex,” Tobin started, sighing. “Alex Morgan,” she added, almost as an afterthought, as if she realized Christen would have no idea who some random Alex was.</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s eyes widened in a mix of shock and surprise. </p><p> </p><p>Charlie’s mom is <em> the </em>Alex Morgan? The one who was about Christen’s age but everything Christen wasn’t? Including being a professional player who had just recently reached 100 international caps with the national team, and was also the most well-known and well-respected player of LAFC?</p><p> </p><p>Before she could think of anything to say or ask, Julie walked quickly into the room, beelining straight for the injured ankle with a pack of frozen peas in her hand. “Sorry guys, the ice packs we usually use aren’t frozen yet,” she said apologetically. “First week things. We’ll get it sorted out soon. But for now, this will do the job.” </p><p> </p><p>She handed Tobin the peas who carefully placed them on Charlie’s ankle. </p><p> </p><p>Charlie proceeded to blabber on about peas and how much she loved them, which Christen laughed at because liking peas was so uncharacteristic for a young kid of Charlie’s age. Tobin and Christen and Julie sat in the trailer around Charlie for the next twenty minutes, chatting about anything and everything in an attempt to keep Charlie’s mind off of her pain.</p><p> </p><p>Christen decided to save her questions for later, though she couldn’t keep her mind off of her curiosity. She crossed her arms over her stomach, suddenly feeling sick. </p><p> </p><p>She was seated in front of Alex Morgan’s daughter, a woman she so often watched play in her home town of Los Angeles, and somehow the woman she had known for less than 48 hours was in charge of the young girl for the week. She wasn’t starstruck, of course, just confused as hell.</p><p> </p><p>Julie looked at her watch. “Alright,” she sighed. “It’s been about twenty minutes. Let’s take a look.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin peeled the peas off of Charlie’s ankle, which was noticeably less swollen than before. Before anybody could react, Charlie hopped down from the bench, and hobbled out the door like she wasn’t just sobbing about a half hour before.</p><p> </p><p>The three women still in the trailer laughed, getting up to follow the energetic young girl. Julie headed off to the staff room to check on some things after saying goodbye, leaving Tobin and Christen alone, trailing behind Charlie as she bounded over to the cafeteria. </p><p> </p><p>The events of the afternoon had made the young girl hungry, and Christen could say the same. She was thinking about how weird kids are and how they can act like nothing's wrong so quickly after they get hurt. She laughed to herself and listened to the sound of their feet on the gravel.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Tobin said, breaking the silence. “For what you did in there, I mean. I always get so nervous when stuff like this happens. I hate seeing that kid upset...” She trailed off. “Plus, Alex would kill me if Charlie actually got hurt.”</p><p> </p><p>Though Christen didn’t want to take any credit for what she did, as she hardly did anything, but she didn’t want Tobin to feel bad for freezing up and not knowing how to calm Charlie down. “No worries, I deal with this kind of stuff all the time,” she responded in all honesty.</p><p> </p><p>It was clear that Tobin cared for the kid, which warmed Christen’s heart. It was interesting to see Tobin in this way, so worried and thoughtful about someone else. It wasn’t that Christen didn’t think the other woman was capable of feeling or showing compassion, it was just that she hadn’t expected it to happen like this.</p><p> </p><p>“I literally just– I had no clue what to do. I would never have been allowed to step foot near her again if something had actually happened,” Tobin breathed, crossing her arms and smiling sheepishly with her head down.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not your fault,” Christen told her. “Seriously, you weren’t even there.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen smiled reassuringly, and Tobin met her gaze with an unsure smile and looked back in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“So, Alex Morgan, huh?” she asked Tobin with an eyebrow raised. She was genuinely curious as to how they knew each other, and further, how they knew each other well enough that Alex would trust someone like Tobin with her daughter.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Tobin laughed, scratching the back of her neck sheepishly. “Um, we used to play together. On the national team.”</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, each piece of the puzzle Christen had been searching for suddenly fit into place. Her steps slowed as she connected the dots and her face contorted in concentration.</p><p> </p><p>“You? National team? Like, the US Women’s National Team?” Christen questioned with wide eyes, completely stopping her walk now. She pointed at Tobin with a bent elbow. Tobin just nodded. “Why didn’t I know that?”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought me completely schooling you during the scrimmage would give it away,” Tobin teased. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh come on,” Christen pleaded with her face in her hands in embarrassment and remembrance. “Don’t remind me. To be fair, I had literally no idea I was going up against a fucking national-team-world-class player,” Christen pointed out, bringing her red face up to look at Tobin.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, ex-player,” Tobin shrugged, a sort of frown seated on her face. Christen didn’t like it. Well, that would explain why she was here now working as a coach at a summer camp, instead of scoring goals on international turf. “That’s kind of how I know Kelley.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen just looked at her, beginning her walk again and hoping the woman would elaborate. Tobin fell into pace beside her as they reached the doors of the cafeteria. Tobin looked inside the windows, looking for Charlie in a sea of girls, having no luck. Christen knew Kelley had attended national team camps early in her Stanford days, but hasn’t been involved for the last few years.</p><p> </p><p>Christen turned to look Tobin right in her honey brown eyes. “I had national team dreams, a long time ago,” she said. Tobin just nodded in understanding.</p><p> </p><p>“A story for another time?” Tobin said as more of a question as she reached forward and held the door open for Christen to walk through. Christen nodded in acknowledgement, for the both of them.</p><p> </p><p>Another time, she decided, she would tell Tobin about her soccer journey. Another time, she would find out what Tobin meant by “ex-player”. Christen briskly walked through the doors, met by the hum of loud chatter inside. Tobin followed closely behind.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe Tobin had just as many hidden secrets as Christen. Maybe they had a hell of a lot more to learn about each other than she expected. And maybe, Christen would find out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi! Thank you so much for all of your kind words. I hope you all are enjoying the story so far :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. There's no Safety in Desire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the day had gone off without a hitch, despite the chaos of Charlie’s injury. Christen attended her team’s afternoon training in the old plastic-laid futsal rink and allowed Tobin to take more of a lead with this one, now that she knew more about the woman’s soccer history and experience. </p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t that Christen was suddenly insecure about her own coaching abilities, she was just more open to the idea that maybe Tobin could teach her a few things about coaching and soccer in general. </p><p> </p><p>Christen liked the idea that she knew more about Tobin than she had even the day before. It felt like she was uncovering things about this seemingly mysterious woman, and it only amplified Christen’s curiosity. </p><p> </p><p>She spent the afternoon watching Tobin more closely, noticing more things about her.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin had told her during the post-accident lunch that she was excited to play in the rink. She explained with a shy smile that she loved how the game was much faster there, and players could be exponentially more creative with their skills. And boy, did Christen witness Tobin’s creativity.</p><p> </p><p>She bounced on her heels as she observed what played out on the rink. Tobin seamlessly connected passes, and Christen didn’t even understand how Tobin saw some of these connections at times. She moved effortlessly on the ball, cutting quickly left and right, and seemed to enjoy the added advantage of the wall to pass against.</p><p> </p><p>In all of this, the main thing she noticed was that Tobin was undoubtedly talented. She was honestly shocked that she hadn’t noticed before. Because Christen hadn’t played an actual game of soccer in years, she had trouble comparing herself to the other woman.</p><p> </p><p>She tried to ignore the way her cheeks flushed when Tobin pulled off some crazy moves to get around Christen’s body with the ball throughout the practice. She was thoroughly impressed with Tobin’s simple but efficient skills. She even wondered if the woman might have been flirting with her, as Tobin teased her with the ball and tried to showcase her expertise.</p><p> </p><p>Christen was flustered, to say the least. Her touch was off whenever she found herself with the ball, almost lazy looking, and she struggled to explain the simple drills she organized for the group. Tobin’s happy eyes and her little-kid excited look almost knocked Christen off of her feet a few times, literally.</p><p> </p><p>She had never been one to look for strength and validation in others and wholeheartedly avoided caring about other people’s perceptions of her as she had for her entire life. But with Tobin, it was different.</p><p> </p><p>She fought a little harder to get the ball, not letting the actual players off easily like she usually did, she attempted new and fancy tricks to showcase her adept footwork, she stood taller with her head held high.</p><p> </p><p>It was like Christen had something to prove, and maybe she did. Maybe Tobin did, too. </p><p> </p><p>Frankly, Christen couldn’t keep her eyes off of the brown-haired woman. Maybe it was jealousy, maybe it was sheer admiration. When she caught Tobin staring in the same way, Christen thought she imagined it. Her breath caught in the back of her throat.</p><p> </p><p>They looked at each other like fools, and Christen had never been so confused in her entire life.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Kelley woke Christen up the next morning before her alarm had the chance to. Christen groaned and covered her face with the sheets, wondering how it was already the morning. </p><p> </p><p>“Open up,” Kelley sing-songed, gently rapping on the door again. “It’s me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Go away,” Christen deadpanned, turning over and covering her face with the pillow, hoping it would smother her. Anything to get Kelley to not make her get out of the bed.</p><p> </p><p>It was so warm, so inviting. Christen considered ditching her morning ritual altogether, and wondered why the hell she had created it in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Kelley responded. Christen could almost picture her stance when she said it. Sure enough, when Christen reluctantly opened the squeaky door moments later, Kelley stood with her arms crossed and foot tapping on the wooden deck. “Thank god.” </p><p> </p><p>Kelley pushed her way past Christen in the doorway and sat on her unmade bed.</p><p> </p><p>“I literally am getting back in,” Christen protested, gesturing for Kelley to move. </p><p> </p><p>“No, you’re literally not. Don’t you remember our deal?” Kelley questioned, crossing her legs as she laid back further onto the bed for emphasis.</p><p> </p><p>Christen snorted. “I wish I didn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Back in their Stanford days, Kelley was not a morning person. </p><p> </p><p>It had gotten to the point where Kelley would habitually sleep into the late hours of the afternoon, so Christen wrote a contract saying that if Kelley would wake up early and exercise with Christen, she would try any of Kelley’s vegan creations, no matter how horribly disgusting, for the next ten years. </p><p> </p><p>“And now the teacher becomes the student, or however that saying goes,” Kelley teases, laughing at how the roles were reversed years later. Christen used to be the one dragging Kelley out of bed, and here she was, trying to keep an exhausted Christen from giving in to the comfort of her bed.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” Christen mumbled. “But I’m <em> not </em> going to drink one of your hell-borne concoctions this morning,” she added as an afterthought. Christen let her hands fall to her sides dramatically, which had been resting on her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Great!” Kelley chirped, standing up and moving to the dresser. She reached into each drawer and grabbed whatever clothing item was at the top and threw it towards the bed. Christen moved slowly but surely, changing out of her sleep shorts and raggy tee into what was probably the ugliest combination of clothing to ever grace the earth.</p><p> </p><p>Reluctantly, but wanting to appease Kelley and not make her wait longer than she already had, Christen slipped on the deep red Stanford shorts and neon orange Nike tee which looked like it was from her middle school PE uniform. After they had made their way to the bathroom to get ready, Christen tied her running shoes, and they were out the door.</p><p> </p><p>“How has your group been this week?” Christen asked through a yawn as they walked in step with each other.</p><p> </p><p>Kelley smiled proudly. “They’ve been great. I thought it was gonna suck not being paired with you, but Ali is actually super fun to work with. She puts on this whole ‘wiser than you’ facade, but you should really see her with the girls. It’s hilarious, it’s almost like she’s one of them.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen laughed, picturing her friend running around and totally letting loose on the field. It was such a contrast from Ali’s usual demeanor, Christen had a hard time even imagining it. “I’d pay to see that,” she joked. </p><p> </p><p>She looked around at her surroundings and the aged wooden buildings. She loved how the chipped red paint made everything look like a barn. It added to the summer-camp feel, like something straight out of one of those movies.</p><p> </p><p>“How are the 16s looking? Ready to get destroyed by my team?” Kelley asked in return. </p><p> </p><p>“Not on my watch. Tobin and I have been preparing them by telling them all of your weaknesses as a coach. That’s the only thing we’re training for. Literally,” Christen joked, earning an even wider smile from her friend. </p><p> </p><p>“Game on,” Kelley smirked.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you talked to her recently?” Christen asked, walking in stride next to Kelley out of the camp boundaries and towards the trailhead. “Tobin, I mean.”</p><p> </p><p>Kelley’s eyebrows raised as she looked over at Christen. “Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, she explained to me how you know each other, so I was wondering if you guys were like, friends,” Christen explained, slightly frowning. What she really wanted to know was what Kelley knew about Tobin and her soccer history.</p><p> </p><p>Kelley laughed. “Yeah, we’re friends. We used to be a lot closer when we both played for the national team, though. We met a long time ago, like, when we were eighteen or something. Our first camps were at the same time, so we kind of just took to each other. We’re bros, I guess you could say that,” she said with a shrug. “She’s always been super talented, I’m not really sure what she’s doing here.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen had been wondering the same thing for the past few days. Her mind went back to her conversation with Tobin after Charlie’s injury the day before, when Tobin said she was an “ex-player”. Kelley didn’t seem to have any knowledge of this, so Christen decided to leave it as it was, and hoped Tobin would explain later. She didn’t want to push it this morning.</p><p> </p><p>After a moment of silent walking with nothing but the birds chirping and four feet crunching on the gravel, Kelley continued. “Last thing I heard she was playing with her club back in Houston, so I assume she’s still playing and just here for a few months like me,” Kelley said. “I assumed she’d be doing some type of off-season training, but apparently not.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen chuckled and brushed her thoughts off. She shrugged her shoulders. “Yeah, she’s definitely talented. She was absolutely crushing me during the scrimmage we organized for the U-16s.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Kelley asked like it was the most unbelievable thing she’s ever heard. She turned her head to look at her friend. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, really,” Christen said, eyebrows furrowed. Surely, Kelley couldn’t believe that Christen was better than Tobin. They walked a few steps before Kelley spoke up again.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, it's just that Tobin made it sound like it was the opposite,” Kelley began. This got Christen’s attention again, and she looked up to meet eyes with her best friend. “She was literally raving about how good you were. I talked to her last night. She said she was nervous to go up against you, dude.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s eyes widened in a mix of surprise and confusion. Tobin, the one who made her look like an absolute fool who had never touched a soccer ball in her life, thought <em> Christen </em> was the better one of the two? Not only that, but she was <em> afraid </em> of Christen’s skill?</p><p> </p><p>The thought made her heart race, but also gave her a rush of confidence. It was things like this that reminded her that she was in fact a good player, as her injury so often made her doubt. The simple fact that a national team player noticed her skill made her feel validated, and the fact that Tobin was the one saying it, let alone admitting it to Kelley? That made Christen feel a rare sense of pride.</p><p> </p><p>Christen felt heat rise to her cheeks, and silently prayed that Kelley wouldn’t notice. She reached up to pull her ponytail in front of her face for extra protection.</p><p> </p><p>Next thing she knew, Christen stood next to a buzzing Kelley at the foot of the trail. “Ready?” she asked, looking up from her watch to Kelley. The other woman seemed distracted, as if she was looking for something, or someone. She leaned against the old wooden railing on the edge of the trail.</p><p> </p><p>“Kelley,” she repeated.</p><p> </p><p>“Just give me a minute, I’m trying to see if–”</p><p> </p><p>Kelley was looking for someone. And that someone, Christen realized, was Tobin, who rounded the corner in a pair of sweats and a tight workout tank that made Christen’s stomach clench. She was literally dressed like she had just rolled out of bed, which she probably had, but Christen still thought she looked incredibly put together. </p><p> </p><p>She crossed her arms and shrunk into herself, suddenly self-conscious of her outfit choice. </p><p> </p><p>“Damn, it Kell,” Christen whispered to her friend, trying to keep her voice down. “You should have just told me she was coming.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why, are you trying to impress her or something?” Kelley retorted, turning to look at her best friend with her face puckered like she had just eaten something sour. Christen rolled her eyes and fumbled with her clothing.</p><p> </p><p>Kelley always saw right through Christen and noticed things about her, sometimes before she even noticed them herself.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Tobin said when she got close enough to the other two women, her gaze flicking to Kelley and then lingering on Christen.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” Christen squeaked, her voice coming out way higher than she meant. She cringed internally, wishing she would have just kept her mouth shut. Kelley definitely wasn’t going to let that one go once they were alone again.</p><p> </p><p>The three stood there at the trailhead for a few seconds, Christen and Tobin making direct eye contact. Kelley cleared her throat after a moment, uncomfortable and definitely not understanding what was going on between her two friends who seemed to be in a staring contest. </p><p> </p><p>“Shall we?” she asked, breaking the silence. Christen was the first to agree, ready to escape whatever awkwardness had just happened, and Kelley gladly began the jog after motioning down the trail, inviting the two women to follow her.</p><p> </p><p>The three athletes ran side by side, Kelley in the middle with Tobin and Christen on either of her sides. They jogged in silence for the first few minutes, occasionally having to break their line to traverse through the more narrow parts of the path. </p><p> </p><p>The pace wasn’t too fast, but it also wasn’t too slow. The three seemed to be perfectly in sync, but none of them were working too hard just yet. Christen focused on the sound of their increasingly labored breathing and the feeling of the breeze on her scalp, trying to find the peace she would usually find while running on her own. </p><p> </p><p>Something about Tobin’s presence put her on edge. Her mind was still reeling from her prior conversation with Kelley about Tobin. </p><p> </p><p>Kelley didn’t know about Tobin’s recent and apparent falling out with the national team, or at least, she was good at pretending she didn’t. </p><p> </p><p>Plus, she learned that Tobin was intimidated by her. And Christen still couldn’t believe it. </p><p> </p><p>What would usually be Kelley and Christen’s casual banter as they ran side by side was replaced with silence. After reaching about a mile into the run, with the calm lake in view, Kelley was the first one to break this quiet with a sad attempt at conversation. </p><p> </p><p>She turned her head to the side to ask or tell Tobin something, and Christen couldn’t quite catch what it was over the sound of their feet on the dirt. Christen looked ahead of her around the bend of the trail, observing the way the early morning light filtered through the tall redwoods.</p><p> </p><p>“So, Chris,” Kelley started, turning back to Christen and pausing for a few beats. “I feel like we haven’t talked at all since we’ve been here.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been a week,” Christen said, arms pumping. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I know. It’s just that I feel like we didn’t fully catch up, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” she said. Christen did know. Dealing with the hectic transition of Tobin being her partner and the usual chaos of the first week, she hadn’t gotten the chance to really spend quality time with her best friend. A sense of guilt panged at her core and she frowned at the prospect that her friend was upset with her.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Tobin ran in silence, just listening to the conversation and observing the strange dynamic between the other two women.</p><p> </p><p>“How was LA? I know we already talked about it before, but I didn’t get much out of you,” Kelley said, encouraging Christen to speak on the subject.</p><p> </p><p>“It was, um,” she began, trying to find a place to even start. “It was fine, I guess. I mostly just worked at the yoga studio every day and put all my energy there. You know, besides the whole break up thing.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin visibly perked up at this, more interested in the conversation, legs and arms still pumping. “Break up? Damn, I didn’t know that happened. I’m sorry,” she said a little breathlessly, sympathy in her voice. Christen wondered if it was genuine. She reached up to brush a piece of stray hair from her face. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Now that I think about it, I don’t even know how I lasted that long with him,” Christen said with a nervous laugh, concern writing itself on her face. She just now realized that she probably should have gotten out of that relationship before it all blew up in her face. </p><p> </p><p>She loved Nima, she really did, but it never felt right. They had such a great friendship before they started dating, and their relationship ruined whatever they had before. That was the part Christen hated the most.</p><p> </p><p>Losing Nima wasn’t just losing a boyfriend, it was losing a long-lasting and genuine friendship, along with years of memories they made together. It was history. They were probably just made for some sort of twisted platonic love that they both had mistaken for romance. It was a shame, really. </p><p> </p><p>Christen’s face scrunched up, trying to make sense of her thoughts. Tobin interrupted.</p><p> </p><p>“What makes you say that?” she asked, leaning in front of Kelley and looking at Christen, whose eyes stayed trained forward at the path in front of her. Tobin had a look of concern written on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “It never really felt right, I guess. We were friends for so long and I guess a relationship sort of ruined it.” Christen stayed in stride next to Kelley, who now took the role as listener in this conversation. “Plus, I’ve always been more into girls anyway,” she joked casually, somehow knowing it would break Tobin.</p><p> </p><p>Kelley threw her head back and cackled, before doubling over and begging for a break. Tobin, who looked shocked as her mouth formed a small “O” shape, literally stumbled and had to fight to regain her balance. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s my girl,” Kelley shouted through heavy breaths. She held her stomach as she continued to gasp for air, as if what Christen had said was the funniest thing she’s ever heard. Christen fell into an uncontrollable fit of laughter alongside Kelley, and the way Tobin just stood there with her jaw slack and her hands just sitting at her sides literally sent Christen into orbit. </p><p> </p><p>The whole situation was hilarious, really. Christen was amused by both Kelley’s classic reaction and Tobin’s calm but surprised one, clearly left out on the joke. Tobin smiled, a little embarrassed.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh Tobs, don’t worry,” Kelley said offhandedly, still laughing. “Been there, done that. She’s all yours.”</p><p> </p><p>Kelley motioned to Christen with both of her palms facing outwards, which sent the two back into yet another solid minute of laughing. Tobin hoped that they wouldn’t notice the way her cheeks burned at the innuendo. </p><p> </p><p>The two in hysterics recovered slowly, but sure enough, soon they were jogging again.</p><p> </p><p>“How was training in Jersey?” Kelley asked Tobin, turning the subject of conversation to the woman running on her left, pretending to ignore her previous allusive statement.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, uh–” she began, stuttering. Tobin shrugged as she continued to pump her arms back and forth at her sides. Though Christen couldn’t entirely make out Tobin’s face because of all the motion, she could tell that the woman’s previously determined complexion softened into one of pain and lines formed around the edges of her mouth. Christen craned her head towards the sky. “It was fine,” Tobin finished with pursed lips.</p><p> </p><p>Kelley seemed to be satisfied with that answer, not going to push Tobin to speak more than what she felt was necessary, and she changed the subject to something about a roommate horror story Tobin apparently had years ago back at a national team camp. </p><p> </p><p>Christen’s calves began to ache, and she cringed at Kelley’s storytelling. </p><p> </p><p>Christen stole a glance in Tobin’s direction, and saw the way her shoulder’s fell and eyes dropped at the mention of the team. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe Tobin also had painful memories associated with the game, just like Christen did. She ached for Tobin, seeing the sheer pain in the other woman’s eyes, but tried to ignore it. She wished Kelley didn’t probe into the subject, but she was in too deep.</p><p> </p><p>Kelley paid no attention to the visible reaction Tobin was having to the conversation, either not noticing or ignoring it altogether. Christen begged in her mind for Kelley to just let it go.</p><p> </p><p>Christen took a moment to look over the lake, dismissing whatever nonsense Tobin and Kelley moved on to talk about. </p><p> </p><p>It was beautiful as always, especially as the sun began to rise above the horizon and paint those same beautiful colors throughout the sky, and that was all she needed. One second of peace, and she knew everything was going to be okay.</p><p> </p><p>When they finished their run, Christen’s heart ached for some inexplicable reason, along with the rest of her body, tired after so much physical exertion.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Later that day, about halfway through the afternoon training, Christen stood with her hands on her hips on the goal line of the grass field. She watched as Tobin explained some complex passing drill that she claimed would teach them defensive and offensive tactics at the same time. </p><p> </p><p>Christen thought the other woman talked too much with her hands, but she got the job done.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin hoped everyone understood and that she was explaining with some level of clarity, but even Christen herself had a hard time following the drill, but she let Tobin have her way with this one anyway.</p><p> </p><p>When she finally finished struggling through the lengthy explanation and sent the girls to take position for the drill, she jogged over to Christen and planted both feet behind the line where she stood.</p><p> </p><p>They both watched as the group completely screwed up the drill within the first minute. Before either coach knew it, there were soccer balls flying in virtually every direction, not going where they were supposed to at all. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin had to fight to suppress the laugh fighting its way out of her. She bit her lip and her eyes welled up with tears, overwhelmed by the disaster in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>When she looked over at Christen who looked genuinely concerned with her eyebrows knit together as she analyzed what the hell was going on on the field, Tobin buried her face in her hands and her shoulders shook up and down with laughter that she gave up trying to keep in.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin thought Christen’s concern with the chaos that ensued was absolutely adorable, but hilarious nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god,” Tobin choked out through her silent laughter. “This is a disaster.”</p><p> </p><p>“You could say that again,” Christen replied, a giggle bubbling it’s way to the surface, beginning to see the same humor Tobin was seeing. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin looked at Christen, who now had tears in her eyes from the humor of the situation. Just because they were both talented players, didn’t necessarily mean they never had their moments. Tobin noted that this was definitely one of her worst moments coaching-wise, but the sound of Christen’s laugh, airy and light and filled with pure joy, made her embarrassment and humiliation all worth it.</p><p> </p><p>“We literally used to do this all the time with the national team, and it always worked,” she groaned. “I guess I forgot that these are sixteen-year-olds we’re dealing with.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen turned to make eye contact with Tobin. “You think?” she laughed in reply. Tobin glanced back out at the field, but again turned to look back into Christen’s glass eyes who still seemed to only be focused on her, which made Tobin’s breath catch in the back of her throat. </p><p> </p><p>She coughed a few times, banging on her chest for dramatic effect, and shook her head. She trained her focus back on the disaster the group had created about fifty yards away in the midfield so she would stop focusing on the way Christen’s eyes crinkled when she smiled, the way one of her two front teeth seemed to be bigger than the other, the way tiny dimples made their way to her cheeks–</p><p> </p><p>She snapped out of her daze and swore internally at her lack of control over her emotions. </p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t help it, though. Everything about Christen was attractive to Tobin, who realized she was inadvertently letting her guard down in front of the woman. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin tensed up for a moment, happiness a foreign and unfamiliar feeling in her recent life. Was that even what this was? Happiness? Being free to laugh and smile and feel like you mean it?</p><p> </p><p>Christen was so easy to be around, so easy to joke with. Tobin didn’t even notice until her jaw began to ache from smiling so much. </p><p> </p><p>She relaxed. Tobin could definitely get used to being happy. Especially working with Christen, who seemed to be an angel sent from above.</p><p> </p><p>It was the most Tobin had smiled in months. And the most genuine it had felt in those same months. She felt good about it.</p><p> </p><p>Much to Tobin’s appreciation, Christen swooped in and saved the day, setting up another drill that was much more straightforward. Tobin shot a shy smile from behind the group to where Christen was standing in front of the girls, silently thanking her for her expertise. </p><p> </p><p>Christen smiled with closed lips back at the woman and nodded in understanding. Tobin thought she could look at that smile all day and never get tired of it.</p><p> </p><p>As the drill continued, the sun began to dip behind the horizon, signaling that it was time to wrap it up and send the girls to dinner. Once they had changed out of their cleats and gathered their things, Christen and Tobin hung back to clean up the equipment left out on the field.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, do you mind grabbing the corner flags?” Christen asked, pointing to the opposite end of the field. “I’d take them myself, but my hands are kind of full at the moment,” the woman chuckled, her hands fumbling with the ball bag and stack of cones. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah, of course,” Tobin stammered. She walked backwards, looking at Christen, and flashed her a shy thumbs up. Tobin turned and walked towards one corner of the field, and reached up to grab the back of her neck with one hand.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin felt herself get flustered, and she was definitely not one to gawk over women. </p><p> </p><p>Throughout her entire adult life, girls flocked to her everywhere she went. Every tournament she played in, every hotel she stayed at, and every city she traveled to, it had always been easy for her. She was always confident, always smooth. </p><p> </p><p>But something about Christen made Tobin nervous as hell.</p><p> </p><p>Once she returned to where Christen stood, holding a corner flag in each hand, Christen beckoned for Tobin to follow her up the hill and towards the gear shed. They walked in silence for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“This is my favorite time of day,” Christen gushed as they were about halfway up, spinning around with the bags on her shoulders and head angled up towards the darkening sky. “After the sun sets completely but it’s still kind of light out, I mean. Everyone stops paying attention after the sun disappears, but that’s when it really gets pretty.”</p><p> </p><p>She looked at Tobin then, who felt a rush of heat in her chest from just looking at Christen. Christen blushed and readjusted the bags on her shoulders nervously, probably thinking that Tobin thought her confession was dumb. Tobin just smiled reassuringly, appreciating that moment of vulnerability from Christen, and forced herself to look away so she wouldn’t combust. They continued to walk.</p><p> </p><p>A few more moments of silence. All Tobin could focus on was the bounce in Christen’s step on the dirt below.</p><p> </p><p>“Mine is right before the sun rises. Before everyone else is awake,” she admitted, looking at her feet as she walked. </p><p> </p><p>A smile spread on Christen’s face, as though she completely understood. “That’s a close second for me. Mine is still better, though,” she joked, changing the energy of their conversation. Tobin chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>Christen set the bags down at her feet once they reached the doors of the shed, and reached into her pocket for the key. She pushed the door open and entered swiftly, bringing the bag of balls straight to the back corner where a million others sat on the bottom rack of a wooden structure. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin set down the two flags next to the door, and she shoved her hands in her pockets as she waited for Christen to finish. </p><p> </p><p>Christen fumbled with the balls, trying to get them all out of the bag and arrange them neatly next to the others that were stacked on the shelf, but she struggled keeping them all near her without rolling away. One rolled towards the doors of the shed, which Tobin swiftly stopped with her left foot. </p><p> </p><p>She reached down to grab the ball with her hands and swiftly took a few steps in Christen’s direction, who was still trying to control the rolling balls, and failing fantastically. Tobin had to suppress a laugh, thinking that Christen was usually much more swift than this, much more experienced with this kind of stuff.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin passed the ball patiently between her two hands, waiting for Christen to turn around so she could offer her the ball and some help getting things under control.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin laughed after Christen groaned as yet another ball rolled away, but her breath was immediately sucked out of her as soon as Christen stood up and turned around to face her, realizing really how close Christen was standing. </p><p> </p><p>They stood in silence for a moment without looking away from each other, contemplating the small distance that they found themselves apart. Butterflies surged in Tobin’s chest as she observed the other woman’s perfect complexion that was lit by the dim shed lights. She looked beautiful, and Tobin had to bite back her tongue from saying something that would probably scare Christen away.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly possessed with some random rush of confidence, Tobin moved to hold the ball in one hand and quickly reached up to rest the other on the post of the structure behind Christen’s head, cornering her between Tobin’s body and the rack of balls. </p><p> </p><p>She leaned her bodyweight forward onto one leg, which positioned her even closer to Christen’s body.</p><p> </p><p>Their faces were probably about a foot apart, Christen standing about an inch taller than Tobin. Christen was close enough for Tobin to notice the baby hairs that escaped from her neatly folded braids, her lips slightly parted, and the way her eyes didn’t falter at all under Tobin’s gaze. Tobin’s heart raced as she studied the other woman’s collected face and all of it’s intricate details.</p><p> </p><p>Christen didn’t seem shocked. She didn’t seem phased at all for that matter. Her eyes just narrowed, eyebrows cocked, and she smirked as she finally realized what was happening.</p><p> </p><p>On the other hand, though, Tobin was panicking. She had no idea how she ended up here in this position, standing suddenly in such intimate proximity with the gorgeous woman in front of her. </p><p> </p><p>Christen was so close, so impossibly close, and so <em> beautiful, </em> and Tobin felt like she might pass out. Or just shrivel up and die right then and there. Right on the dusty floor of the shed.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin turned her head towards the door, trying to judge if anybody could see them, standing as they were. Or leaning, rather. Her head whipped back after making sure the coast was clear only to realize that Christen had taken a step forward. The woman moved even closer into Tobin’s space, no longer leaning back into the post like she had been before, clearly enjoying this turn of events, confidently placing her hands right on Tobin’s hips.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s pupils dilated as Christen casually licked her lips and crossed her arms, still with that stupid smirk on her face, dimples and all. She was stuck between Tobin’s arm and the rack behind her. They just stood there, Tobin’s heart racing so fast that Christen could probably hear it, looking into each other’s eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Though Tobin was technically the one trapping Christen in her space, with her arm so stupidly positioned next to Christen’s head, she knew that Christen definitely had the upper hand in this situation.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin tried to figure out what to do next. She debated her options and breathed deeply. Christen looked down at the ball resting in Tobin’s palm and back up to her face.</p><p> </p><p>If Tobin just tilted her head a few degrees to the left and moved a few inches in, she could find out if Christen’s lips were as soft and as full as they looked, if her breath would be hot against her mouth, or if her long eyelashes would brush over Tobin’s skin as they closed–</p><p> </p><p>Distracted and so far strayed from her original task, Tobin fumbled the ball and it dropped from her hand, hitting the floor, startling them both. The moment that couldn’t have been more than a few fleeting seconds and Tobin’s chance to kiss her were ruined when Christen leaned back, removing her hands from where they gently grabbed onto Tobin’s hips. </p><p> </p><p>Warmth spread throughout Tobin’s body, screaming in her chest. She heard her heartbeat in her ears, and was too bewildered to move.</p><p> </p><p>It was a foreign feeling, being so shaken up like this. Tobin didn’t know what she would have done had she followed through with her intentions.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, I– um,” Tobin started, feeling the need to explain herself.</p><p> </p><p>She never got this flustered.</p><p> </p><p>“Woah, Heath,” Christen grinned, teasing her. “Let’s control it, alright?” Christen moved her hands from Tobin’s hips and placed both of them on her shoulders for a moment as Tobin just stood there, speechless. Tobin couldn’t figure out if she meant control the balls, or control her stupid emotions. Her cheeks paled and her hands sweat.</p><p> </p><p>Christen squeezed her shoulders and slipped past Tobin out into the night air, just like nothing had happened at all, out of the sight in an instant. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin let her hands drop to her sides and threw her head back in frustration, having no idea why she had just done that, or why her body did everything in its power to betray her mind. </p><p> </p><p>She needed to explain her own actions to herself, why she had just cornered the woman before her mind even was able to catch up.</p><p> </p><p>Minutes later, still not having the courage to leave the shed, Tobin could still feel the weight of Christen’s steady hands embracing her hips. She took a deep breath, shakier than she realized. Tobin sighed, running a hand through her hair as she leaned down to finish organizing the balls on the rack. </p><p> </p><p>She made a mental note not to corner Christen Press ever again, if she wanted to keep any ounce of her pride. </p><p> </p><p>It only increased Tobin’s curiosity, the way Christen responded to her impulsive actions, like she wanted it to happen. Christen had the upper hand, and Tobin cursed herself for being so helpless and weak in her presence.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t help but wonder if Christen would have let Tobin kiss her. Or worse, if she would have kissed Tobin back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. If someone asks, this is where I'll be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Guys. I need you all to promise me that we are gonna win. If we win this, I literally get bragging rights for the rest of my life.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kelley, really?” Ali snorted, hands on her hips. The woman scanned her group of young teenagers, watching them all giggle at the other coach’s overly-competitive attitude. “Don’t worry guys, we should focus on having a good time here. It’s just a scrimmage, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously, though,” Kelley interjected, completely cutting Ali off. “I think we deserve to win this. I mean, think about how good it would feel to beat those suckers,” she said in all seriousness, gesturing to the other side of the field to where Christen’s team was huddled.</p><p> </p><p>Christen laughed and watched as Ali threw her hands up in surrender to Kelley’s relentless antics, listening to the opposing team’s coaches attempt to calm the chaos happening with their team. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin and Christen’s team was down by two goals at half-time of the short scrimmage. Tobin was in the middle of giving some offensive advice to the attentive players about how to create more scoring opportunities, who listened with wide eyes.</p><p> </p><p>It was the last day of the first week, and campers would spend one last night in the bunks before getting picked up the following morning. </p><p> </p><p>The days in the middle of the week went by in a flash, Tobin and Christen getting to know each other better as players and people. Christen felt like she blinked and she’d now have to say goodbye to these campers soon.</p><p> </p><p>Christen was proud of how her group of girls developed over the course of the week, though she wished she got more time with them. A week can only do so much, but Christen thought herself and Tobin ended up doing a better job than they anticipated was even possible.</p><p> </p><p>The most important thing was to see the girls have fun, and that’s exactly what was happening when something Tobin said caused the group to erupt into a fit of laughter. </p><p> </p><p>Christen looked at Tobin as she stood on the outside of the group, observing Tobin’s wide-legged stance and the way her shoulders bounced up and down, the way she looked so proud to have said something remotely funny enough to make a group of teenagers laugh. </p><p> </p><p>After their intimate encounter a few days before, Christen had been noticing much more about Tobin on and off of the pitch. </p><p> </p><p>Through their shallow discussions in the cafeteria, Tobin’s free and creative coaching style working well with Christen’s more traditional methods, and just being forced to spend a lot of time together, Christen started to knit more pieces of the mysterious-Tobin-puzzle together. </p><p> </p><p>Though Tobin still seemed to have a wall up, Christen delighted to find out more things about her, no matter how small they were, and she was determined to knock it down.</p><p> </p><p>She was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t even notice when everyone in the huddle turned to look right at her expectantly.</p><p> </p><p>“Press.” Tobin’s voice woke her from her daydream, bringing her back to reality.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes widened as she bounced on her toes, clearly confused as to what was going on around her. </p><p> </p><p>“Hm?” she hummed, prompting Tobin to repeat whatever she’d just said. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin chuckled, catching Christen in her daydream yet again.</p><p> </p><p>“I was just asking if you had anything to add,” the coach explained, crossing her arms. “You know, for the rest of the half.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh!” she exclaimed, a bit discombobulated. “Um, just play hard, I guess? Don’t let those ‘14s beat you, or else Kelley will give me hell for the rest of my life,” she continued, the group laughing. She stumbled through her words that were hopefully encouraging enough to motivate the group of players to win the game.</p><p> </p><p>At the sound of Kelley’s obnoxious whistle calling the scrimmage back to the pitch for the start of the second half, Christen assigned players to their positions. </p><p> </p><p>She took her place next to Tobin on the sideline in front of the bench that was filled with a few substitute players. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin looked at her curiously, a small grin playing on her lips. </p><p> </p><p>“What,” Christen said with a sigh, crossing her arms and shifting her weight to one side. Tobin just shook her head and quietly laughed. “Seriously, what?” Christen said again, this time hitting Tobin playfully on the shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing, it’s just funny to see you so dazed out like that,” Tobin explained. Her eyes searched Christen’s face, squinting. “What were you thinking about?”</p><p> </p><p>Christen avoided Tobin’s gaze this time and focused on the field. “Nothing,” Christen responded casually, shrugging playfully with a pretend look of confusion on her face. She noticed Tobin shove her hands deeper into her stupid and neverending pockets like she so often did. Tobin groaned in impatience. </p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” she said, looking in front of her. “Guess I’ll never know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Guess you never will,” Christen teased with a smile. The two stood side by side, almost close enough to brush shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>She peered at Tobin out of the corner of her eye, who wiped away the beads of sweat that had gathered on her lip and shyly tucked away stray hairs that fought their way out of her pulled-up hair.</p><p> </p><p>A few quiet moments passed, both women looking forward at the scrimmage but minds clearly elsewhere.</p><p> </p><p>“I know it was about me,” Tobin said quietly, but loud enough for Christen to hear. She still didn’t look over. Christen scoffed with an open jaw and wide eyes, horrified that Tobin would assume something like that. </p><p> </p><p>Especially because it was correct.</p><p> </p><p>“Was not!” Christen said defensively.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, Chris,” Tobin teased with the use of her casual nickname that Christen’s heart disobediently sped up at.</p><p> </p><p>“Why would it be about you?” she questioned, turning to square Tobin’s body with hands on her hips and a death glare painted on her face. </p><p> </p><p>“Why are you so defensive?” Tobin teased, her confident demeanor showing in shining colors, yet again. She pulled her hands out of her pockets and crossed her arms, feet planted. </p><p> </p><p>Christen groaned. Each time she thought they were finally getting somewhere, Tobin just <em> had </em> to get Christen all emotionally frustrated. Deep down, she knew that Tobin was just messing with her, but she wished the woman would just let her guard down and not always be so overly-arrogant.</p><p> </p><p>Christen couldn’t deny that she was attracted to Tobin’s characteristic confidence and natural swagger, though. Something about Tobin’s poise confused the hell out of her. </p><p> </p><p>Her stomach twisted at the mix of hatred and attraction coursing through her veins.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, lovebirds!” Kelley yelled, earning a collective laugh from every player on the field. Christen’s head snapped over to where the voice came from, and she narrowed her eyes at her friend. “Pay attention. Your team just scored.” </p><p><br/>
The woman threw her arms up in frustration as heat rose to Christen’s cheeks from Kelley’s reference. Sure enough, Kelley’s goalie had her back turned to the field, struggling to get the ball out of the back of the net.</p><p> </p><p>“We are!” she yelled back, and congratulated her team that was running back to take position on their own side of the field to prove that she was, in fact, paying attention. </p><p> </p><p>Kelley didn’t buy it.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe if you guys stopped being all flirty and started coaching your team, you might be able to make a comeback,” she shouted, and Christen swore that she was going to kill Kelley as soon as she was close enough. </p><p> </p><p>She buried her head in her hands, and Tobin just stood there with a half-mortified and half-proud smirk on her face. “Well, actually, keep doing it. We still want to win,” Kelley added. </p><p> </p><p>The play resumed and Christen recovered enough from her embarrassment after a minute to lift her eyes back to the field. Tobin stood quietly next to her, seemingly not affected by Kelley’s inappropriate outburst. </p><p> </p><p>“Seriously? Nothing?” Christen asked, looking right at Tobin, who just smirked in response. </p><p> </p><p>“She’s just messing with us,” Tobin offered, trying to calm the fuming woman beside her. Christen didn’t say anything in return, just blankly stared at the woman, wondering what the hell she was thinking. “Plus, she just said what everyone else is already thinking.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s eyes widened yet again, as she whipped her head around to glare at the bench players, who were all poorly stifling giggles. </p><p> </p><p>She just groaned in embarrassment, but tried to suppress a smile that fought its way to her face. After a moment, she gave up trying to tame her emotions and smiled fully, turning to focus on the game.</p><p> </p><p>Of course they had been flirting, Christen realized. All this time. Every snarky comment, every mean look, every time Tobin had been trying to get to her, she had actually just been toying with her. </p><p> </p><p>She got so caught up in her own frustration to even realize that Tobin might actually just be using her annoyingness to make Christen swoon, that maybe that was just how the woman flirted. </p><p> </p><p>Christen cursed herself for being so naive. It was her turn to be the flustered one of the two, such a stark contrast from when Tobin cornered her in the shed just a few days before.</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s chest tightened at the realization. She should have known. The woman almost kissed her, for Christ's sake. </p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t believe that it took her best friend calling them out in front of almost forty teenagers for her to realize.</p><p> </p><p>Christen was never one to get flustered, especially on the field where she felt most comfortable, but here she was, absolutely captivated by the woman standing next to her.</p><p> </p><p>She smiled to herself knowingly with this new information, but she still truly was a little frustrated with Tobin and Kelley. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin <em> could </em> have been a little more clear with her intentions and Kelley sure as hell did not have to embarrass them in front of everyone.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t want to let Tobin or Kelley knock her off of her game like that. </p><p> </p><p>Christen knew she deserved more respect from the players and the rest of the staff, but she tried to let it go. </p><p> </p><p>In a mix of frustration and pride, she channeled all of her confusing emotions into coaching her team to success for the rest of the scrimmage.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin and Christen’s team ended up winning, much to a very angry Kelley’s disappointment. Christen laughed at Kelley's dramatic reaction to the loss. Her best friend had always let her competitive spirit get the best of her, even in small moments like this.</p><p> </p><p>The four coaches worked to clean up the minimal equipment that was still on the field as both teams changed out of their cleats. As soon as they were done, Kelley escaped up the hill into the middle of the group of players, probably to avoid Christen’s wrath.</p><p> </p><p>She smiled. Christen wasn’t actually all that upset in the end, but she definitely still wanted her friend to think she was. </p><p> </p><p>She let her anger go and accepted the realization that Kelley was actually doing Christen a huge favor by pointing out Tobin’s obvious flirting.</p><p> </p><p>As she trudged up the gravel hill behind the rest of the group and next to Tobin, Christen watched as Kelley animatedly conversed with one of the U16 players. </p><p> </p><p>“She really is something, huh?” Christen said aloud, filling the silence. Tobin hummed in agreement. “And, for the record, it was <em> not </em> about you,” she added, bringing them back to their original bicker from the scrimmage.</p><p> </p><p>A wide smile appearing on Tobin’s face. “Fine. Whatever you say, Chris.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The last night of each week had always been Christen’s favorite, ever since her very first summer working at the camp, for a very special reason. The night hike.</p><p> </p><p>Actually, her love for night hikes started during a school field trip during her fifth grade year, when her class rode six hours in a bus to stay at an overnight camp facility for a week learning about the ins and outs of nature.</p><p> </p><p>One night during this week, long after it had gotten dark, she bundled up in endless layers of clothing and traversed in a silent and single file line between her classmates into the tall standing forest, using nothing but the bright moon to guide them across streams and over fallen trunks. </p><p> </p><p>Once they had reached their destination, a large pond positioned in the elbow of a valley, they lied on the long dock and stargazed, listening to stories about the constellations as the cold night air bit softly at their hands and cheeks and the still water gently lapped beneath them.</p><p> </p><p>The young Christen, not usually being one to venture outside of her comfort zone, was thrilled at the exciting essence of the hike.</p><p> </p><p>It was the same trees and grass and hills she already loved, but something about the darkness caused her senses to heighten and made everything feel so much more real, more authentic. It was here she learned the value of connecting with nature.</p><p> </p><p>Ever since Christen introduced this idea when she first started working at the camp, Julie fell in love with the idea, and it became a weekly tradition.</p><p> </p><p>Now, years later, she’d be the one guiding the young kids as they experienced the same awe Christen once had. Though she wasn’t technically participating on the receiving end, it was still her favorite part of the week.</p><p> </p><p>Pulling her hiking boots over her thick socks and carefully tying the laces, Christen stood up from her bed just as she heard a gentle rapping on her door. It was hours after dinner and the goodbye campfire, where she and the campers recounted their fun experiences they had over the course of the week. </p><p> </p><p>Christen reached down and pulled on the doorknob, opening it to reveal a smiling Kelley, with Tobin standing shyly beside her. Christen stepped out of the doorway and onto the creaky deck, pulling the door closed behind her.</p><p> </p><p>The cool air instantly tickled her skin. Christen wrinkled her nose and pulled the hood of her jacket up and over her head, knowing it was going to be a cold one.</p><p> </p><p>“Ready?” she said, looking between Tobin and Kelley. They both nodded in unison, Kelley murmuring about how excited she was, Christen feeling the same exact way. </p><p> </p><p>She stepped past them, making her way down the stairs with Tobin and Kelley following closely behind.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as they turned the corner to meet the rest of the buzzing campers who had rested patiently in their rooms for the past two hours, Christen’s excitement was amplified. </p><p> </p><p>She soon made out Ali’s face in the crowd, who pushed her way in Christen’s direction tugging Ashlyn, a bleach blonde and gorgeous goalkeeping coach, behind her by the hand. </p><p> </p><p>Christen had known Ashlyn for a few years now, though their work never really overlapped much. Ashlyn and Ali had been on and off for a few years. Ali was not usually so open about her personal life, even when Christen spent days begging her to spill.</p><p> </p><p>Ashlyn dropped Ali’s hand as soon as they reached the group of coaches, not wanting to draw attention to themselves. She stood closely to Ali, shoulders touching, smiling warmly. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Harris,” Christen said, greeting the woman with an equally warm smile. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” the woman chirped. She was definitely going to harass the crap out of Ali later. </p><p> </p><p>Ashlyn was always so friendly, and Christen delighted that they were together again. She flashed Ali a knowing look who stuck her tongue out in response. Christen laughed, making small talk with the rest of the group, rehashing the events of the week.</p><p> </p><p>After a moment, Christen listened to the bustle of the group as Kelley talked to Ali about nothing in particular, vaguely making out Sonnett’s raspy voice and Lindsey’s bellowing laugh among the crowded campers. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin shifted her weight back and forth next to Christen, feeling out of place.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay?” she asked, turning to Tobin with an eyebrow raised in concern. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin pursed her lips, standing up on her toes for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” she answered, “just a little cold out here.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen chuckled knowingly. “It’s still hard for me to get used to.”</p><p> </p><p>“What, feeling like you’re in the depths of hell during the day but freezing to death as soon as the sun disappears?” Tobin grinned, meeting Christen’s eyes. She nodded. </p><p> </p><p>“Yep,” she said, popping the P. “Pretty much. You’ll warm up soon when we get walking,” Christen winked. </p><p> </p><p>That was enough to warm Tobin for now, heat creeping up the back of her neck.</p><p> </p><p>Before they knew it, the group started to filter out of the camp’s grounds and towards the east side of the property, Christen and her friends following from behind. </p><p> </p><p>This hiking trail which would take them a different route to the lake was unfamiliar to most campers, especially those who had never attended before. Christen craned her head up to see the moon as she walked, which shone and cast shadows on the dirt beneath her.</p><p> </p><p>Christen brought up the rear of the girls, some quietly whispering with anticipation and excitement. She felt Tobin’s presence behind her. </p><p> </p><p>The trees eventually appeared overhead, seeming taller in the darkness and covering what was visible of the night sky. </p><p> </p><p>The campers trudged along, now in silence, nothing but the sound of boots hitting the dirt and the cricketing of bugs hiding in the brush. Christen was lost in the elements, breathing deeply and coating the inside of her lungs with cool mountain air. </p><p> </p><p>As they approached the shallow creek which was only about twenty feet wide, Christen let Tobin walk in front of her over the creaky wooden board positioned in the water, who stuck her arms out wide dramatically to keep her balance.</p><p> </p><p>Christen walked swiftly in step behind Tobin. The trickle of the water met her ears, eyes trained on the narrow board beneath her as she gracefully walked along.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, god,” she heard Tobin say jokingly. She looked up at the woman’s silhouette which was now leaning far to the right side and then to the left dramatically, almost toppling over into the stream. Christen laughed at Tobin’s antics.</p><p> </p><p>Though it wouldn’t have been the end of the world if Tobin had to step into the water, the worst being her shoes getting wet, Christen reached out in front of her and steadied Tobin by the hips, though she knew the woman wasn’t going to fall. </p><p> </p><p>Once Tobin steadied herself and ‘regained’ her balance, she looked at Christen over her shoulder, face perfectly lit by the moonlight reaching through the trees. “Thanks,” she whispered, feet planted on the board now. “You saved my life,” she joked.</p><p> </p><p>“Anytime,” she breathed, carefully removing her hands from Tobin’s midsection. They continued to walk, both exhaling in relief when they finally made it across the stream.</p><p> </p><p>Julie stood at the front of the group once they reached the lake, silently directing the large crowd into different groups to meet in different places around the lake. Tobin and Christen followed one group up the path to the rock, where they had jumped a few days prior. </p><p> </p><p>Christen smiled at the memory.</p><p> </p><p>As the group arranged themselves on the flat part of the rock, laying down on their backs and draping themselves across each other with scattered giggles, Christen walked to the edge of the rock in the clearing of the trees. </p><p> </p><p>She turned her head up and down and all around, trying to take in the sheer beauty of her surroundings. The treetops seemed to scrape the skies, the stars shone brightly and illuminated the surface of the lake, the rocks looking strong and sturdy under the moonlight–it was the most beautiful thing Christen had seen in months.</p><p> </p><p>Well, besides Tobin, not that she’d ever admit it.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow,” Tobin breathed, stepping next to Christen, nervously brushing the wrinkles out of her clothes with her hands. “The stars, they’re… wow.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen knew what she meant. “We don’t ever get this in LA,” she said, not to anyone in particular. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Tobin said, looking over the lake. “Not in Jersey either.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen breathed deeply before turning around and sitting down with her back to the lake, but far enough away from the ledge so she wouldn’t fall off, the rock beneath her still warm from the burning heat of the day.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin lowered herself and sat crossed-legged, knee brushing against Christen’s. The rest of the group of about ten girls had settled in. </p><p> </p><p>They all laid on their backs and looked at the stars through the opening in the forest.</p><p> </p><p>“You guys see the group of stars up there, towards the other side of the lake?” Christen began softly after a moment, looking up and pointing towards the sky a little to her right. “That’s Canis Major.”</p><p> </p><p>A few girls nodded in acknowledgement, not taking their eyes off of the captivating night sky. Christen stayed silent for a moment, neck still craned upwards.</p><p> </p><p>The stars hung in every crook and every corner of the black sky, in all their golds and whites and silvers. They winked in the vast distance. </p><p> </p><p>Some places they were brighter, and Christen marveled at the fact that if she focused enough it felt like she could see galaxies. </p><p> </p><p>She felt so lucky to be there. </p><p> </p><p>She trained her eyes on Tobin, who looked at the sky as she rested back on her palms. The darkness shadowed her face, but the moon’s dim light illuminated her closed-lipped grin and her look of complete awe and amazement. </p><p> </p><p>Christen’s heart clenched at the sight. She was definitely in for it.</p><p> </p><p>“You guys want to hear the story?” Christen asked the group, though not looking up from Tobin. She heard several hums of agreement, and Tobin looked down from Christen and nodded in encouragement.</p><p> </p><p>Christen exhaled. She began.</p><p> </p><p>“In ancient Mesopotamia, you know, the one between the rivers that you all probably learned about in your sixth grade history class and then forgot,” she started, earning a quiet laugh from the group of girls. </p><p> </p><p>“They had a lot of theories about astronomy, back then. The constellation that we see now has a lot of myths behind it, but this one is pretty special. In Greek mythology, this constellation represented a dog. A pretty magical one, which always caught its game. Originally Zeus gave it to the city as a gift, but then the dog was passed down to Minos and Procris, and eventually to Cephalus. He was kind of the hero-figure in this story. And the dog’s name was Laelaps.</p><p> </p><p>“Cephalus eventually put the dog onto this trail that had a huge monster, a fox-like ugly thing that was doing terrible things and hurting people and destroying the countryside in Thebes. He sent the dog to catch the thing, to stop all of the madness, you know? But the dog could never catch the fox. Zeus had no other choice but to turn both to stone, because a match-up between an  uncatchable fox and an inescapable dog wasn’t really ever going to work out,” Christen explained, arm up in the air tracing the outline of the constellation with her finger from one star to the next. </p><p> </p><p>She smiled as she continued, fascinated by the myth and the story.</p><p> </p><p>“So now this chase is seen in that constellation up there. Both Canis Major and Minor. There are also some myths that the dog may have been the Golden Hound, the one that protected Zeus when he was a baby in Crete. The whole thing just kind of reminds me of myself and my own story, so this myth in particular has been pretty special to me. It’s stuck with me for a few years now, and I always know how and where to look for it. It’s actually seen best around this time of year.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen dropped her eyes from the constellation above as the group looked on after she finished, only to meet Tobin’s wide eyes that were trained on her. Christen’s breath caught in the back of her throat</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s eyes radiated, even in the near-complete darkness. </p><p> </p><p>She looked at Christen like she was the only thing in the entire universe. Like she hung all the stars in that damn sky, like she <em> was </em> every star in the damn sky. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin stilled as their gazes met, eyes darkening as she gave her a look that was a mix of understanding and admiration.</p><p> </p><p>Christen blushed. She felt vulnerable, telling stories, even though they weren’t necessarily hers. </p><p> </p><p>Even all of Christen’s knowledge, the idea of space and the universe still scared her, especially the prospect that so much of it remains unknown, and undiscovered. So she threw herself into researching the constellations, not necessarily the science behind them, but Greek astrology and myths and stories. </p><p> </p><p>She fell in love with the subject, so she became an expert.</p><p> </p><p>Christen often found herself anxious that space is never ending, that there could be aliens on other planets, that whole other worlds could exist without detection from those on Earth. </p><p> </p><p>But tonight, she didn’t feel the same anxiety. She felt safe. And she couldn’t help but feel like the woman seated quietly next to her was a big part of the reason why. </p><p> </p><p>Christen scooted forward a bit before laying down on her back herself, dark hair splayed around her head on the rock. It wasn’t all that comfortable, but it let her see more of the stars, allowing her to really take it all in.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin chewed on the inside of her lip before she decided to follow suit, sliding down and putting her hands behind her resting head.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>There they lay, the two women among the group of teenagers, under the gleam of the stars and the moon’s gentle but warm light.</p><p> </p><p>It was silent now, no sounds filling the air except for the quiet and collective breathing of the group and the sound of Christen’s heartbeat in her own chest. </p><p> </p><p>She exhaled, watching her breath steam from her mouth, curling up into the air until it disappeared, completely at peace.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Probably about an hour more of sharing myths about the constellations and exchanging stories in the smaller group, Julie whistled to signal to everyone that it was time to head back to camp.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin had to hide her disappointment as she stood up on the rock and brushed herself off. </p><p> </p><p>She would have listened to Christen’s smooth and clear voice for hours, if she had the chance.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone returned the way they came, on the same roundabout route, this time talking and laughing freely. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin felt lucky to have experienced this special moment, especially after hearing Christen talk about the stars like she did.</p><p> </p><p>This time, Tobin followed Christen across the bridge-board contraption as the dark-haired woman bounced as she stepped, chatting with Lindsey the entire way back. She made sure not to wobble this time around.</p><p> </p><p>When they reached the camp and the group split, most of the coaches escorted the young campers to their cabins to sleep for the night. Tobin leaned from leg to leg as she watched everyone disappear into the rooms. </p><p> </p><p>The night was quiet once again, and she stood alone with Christen in the middle of the camp’s main opening, between the counselor cabins and the cafeteria and the full sized field. </p><p> </p><p>She noticed Christen shiver as she looked at Tobin with questioning eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“So,” she started, “what did you think?”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin broke out into a smile, stuffing her hands deep into her pockets. “I liked it,” she said, honestly. “Yeah, I really did.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good,” Christen voiced, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m glad you came with me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Me too,” Tobin said in agreement. “Or I never would have known about your insane knowledge-gallery of the universe and all of its belongings,” she finished, jokingly mocking Christen.</p><p> </p><p>In all honesty, Tobin really was impressed by Christen, and this was just another thing to tack onto the end of the list of things that were impressive about her. </p><p> </p><p>Christen smiled shyly, pushing slightly on Tobin’s shoulder and starting to walk up towards the cabin. </p><p> </p><p>“Ow,” Tobin groaned jokingly, as if Christen had actually hurt her. “Seriously, though. I’m genuinely impressed. The fact that you can remember all of that stuff, and then retell it all perfectly? I could never do something like that, so props to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Awe, that might be the first nice thing you’ve ever said to me,” Christen remarked.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh come on, Press. I’ve only known you for a week,” Tobin retorted with a laugh, feeling like she needed to explain herself. Heat rose to her cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I'll just expect more compliments from here on out, yeah?” Christen teased right back.</p><p> </p><p>They shared a quiet laugh, walking in stride and silence as they approached the cluster of cabins. </p><p> </p><p>Christen paused her walk, expecting to say bye to Tobin. The woman looked puzzled as Tobin kept walking in the same direction, though her cabin was off to the left. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll walk you up,” Tobin explained, reaching up to itch the back of her neck, feeling embarrassed. Christen’s smile that appeared on her face at the offer melted all of Tobin’s doubts away. “I do want to know something, though. About something you said earlier.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen hummed, encouraging Tobin to continue. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin took a long breath, inhaling the cool air and watching it leave her body in a puff of steam. </p><p> </p><p>“You said you related to the story,” Tobin began, nervously glancing at Christen, not wanting to probe.</p><p> </p><p>In any normal circumstance, Tobin wouldn’t have remembered something like this, let alone cared enough to ask about it. </p><p> </p><p>Christen wasn’t just anyone, and Tobin knew this. </p><p> </p><p>Something about her made Tobin want to know more about her, and not just the surface level stuff. She looked at Christen, who was twirling her hair between her fingers.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin cleared her throat and continued when Christen didn’t jump in immediately. “Uh, I was just curious. About how it applied to your life, I guess. I don’t want to probe into anything sensitive, but I thought I’d ask you now instead of in front of all the campers,” she laughed nervously, tugging her beanie down further on her head. “But if it’s too personal, seriously, don’t worry about it, you don’t have to tell me–”</p><p> </p><p>Christen cut her off with a breathy laugh as she stepped onto the stairs up to her room. Tobin followed, her hand dancing along the wooden railing, waiting to hear what Christen had to say. </p><p> </p><p>“I, uh…” the dark haired woman began, pausing to think for a moment. Once they reached the top of the stairs, Christen turned around to face Tobin who took her place leaning against the railing, praying not to get any splinters. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin looked at her reassuringly, not wanting to make Christen uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p>“The thing about the dog and the fox? That’s what I feel like I relate to,” Christen started again, shakily. She tucked her hands into the pockets of her thick jacket. “How the dog was destined to catch the fox and the fox was destined to escape, the way their fates just didn’t align. That’s how I feel about soccer, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin nodded in understanding, encouraging her to elaborate if she wanted to. Christen avoided her eyes as Tobin tried to look into them. </p><p> </p><p>“I started working here when I stopped playing at Stanford. Like, a year after. And that kind of marked the end of my career. When I was younger, I was so sure that I was going to be a professional player,” Christen chuckled in remembrance, feeling foolish. She shook her head. “I even went to a national team camp for the U20s, when I was seventeen and still in high school. I was pretty serious about the whole thing I guess.</p><p> </p><p>“I chased and chased the game and my dreams of playing, of doing it for a career, making something of myself. And I thought I really had it in my hands, especially at Stanford. It was all so close, I just…” she trailed off for a moment, clearly lost in thought and memory. Tobin thought she saw a trace of moisture in her eyes, and her heart ached.</p><p> </p><p>“It felt like it was all ripped away from me so quickly, you know?” she said, meeting Tobin’s gaze. “So I was the dog, and football was the fox. If that makes any sense. I got injured, and it all just disappeared. I went through a bit of a rough time and didn’t take my recovery seriously enough. I was just young and thought I was invincible, like the world couldn’t stop me, you know? All of a sudden it had just slipped through my fingers, all of it. I just couldn’t–”</p><p> </p><p>Christen inhaled sharply, like the memory was physically painful. Tobin watched the usually strong and happy and wise woman in front of her crumble. Tobin’s stomach dropped.</p><p> </p><p>Her voice was thick as she took a few steps towards Christen. She hated seeing her visibly struggle with this. It’s like she felt Christen’s emotion for herself. </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to explain. We can get into details later,” Tobin said, pulling Christen into a tight hug, not wanting to make Christen drown in her emotions any longer. “I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve any of that.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen laughed wetly, instantly wrapping her arms around Tobin’s neck and deeply breathing in her scent. “Sorry, I don’t know why I get so emotional. It was a long time ago,” Christen apologized, and Tobin’s insides twisted at her sad words.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, you don’t have to apologize,” she whispered, stroking her hands over Christen’s back, settling on the curve of her hips.</p><p> </p><p>They held onto each other for a moment, probably a few seconds longer than they should have, quietly under the comfort of the trees and the cool air and the stars in the dark sky. </p><p> </p><p>Christen was so warm. Tobin held on, trying to relish in the moment, trying to memorize the feeling of every point of connection between them. Christen ran a thumb over the back of Tobin’s neck, and she thought she was going to faint.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin pulled back after a moment, caught up in her emotions, not wanting to overstep her boundaries with Christen.</p><p> </p><p>“Conversation for another time,” Tobin promised weakly. She was going to have to do a hell of a lot better than that. She stepped back and looked the other woman in her eyes. “Thank you. For sharing that with me” she said, reaching up to wipe a tear that escaped and ran down Christen’s cheek. “It really means a lot that you trust me that much.”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded. Christen smiled, cheeks wet as she stepped back from Tobin’s embrace. She shivered, and fumbled for the key to her room as Tobin leaned back again against the creaky railing. </p><p> </p><p>Once Christen had the door open, she stepped half-way in, turning around to face Tobin who was still on the outside. “Thank you,” she whispered shyly, clutching one side of the door frame for balance. “For letting me talk about it, and for listening to my stories about the stars.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin blushed, eyes looking down at her shoes, embarrassed. They stood in silence for a moment, Tobin looking everywhere and then to Christen. The stars still shone brightly through the trees, lighting Christen’s perfect face and hair and everything else.</p><p> </p><p>She stood up from the railing, hands in her pockets like always. “Goodnight, Chris,” she whispered with sympathy in her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Night, Tobin,” she returned, smiling timidly. Tobin pressed her mouth into a line as she moved over to the staircase, slowly making her way down the creaky steps.</p><p> </p><p>Christen watched until she was out of sight, and closed the door.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of making her way back to her cabin, she walked down alone to the field in the complete darkness, feeling safe nonetheless. </p><p> </p><p>She hopped over the wood fence, not bothering to open the gate, and planted both feet behind the sideline where she had spent much of the week. </p><p> </p><p>She stood there, wondering about her own soccer experiences, how things could have been different in her life, and Christen and her greek astrology stories and shy smile and eventful past that she was evidently still working through. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin sighed, running a hand through her hair. </p><p> </p><p>After minutes of standing there alone, Tobin thought that the stars that hung in the sky almost mocked her. Too much thinking.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted Christen, in all of her good and all of her bad.</p><p> </p><p>As she made her way back to her own cabin, Tobin realized she had only come to one conclusion: she had it bad for Christen Press.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi everyone! It's taken me a little longer to post this one because all I can think about are the horrible atrocities and injustices that are currently happening in the United States having to do with police brutality against POC. I encourage each and every one of you to take a moment to copy this link into your browser [ https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/ ] and sign some petitions, educate yourself, or maybe donate some money to one of the amazing causes. As a white person, I know it's incredibly important that I recognize and use my privilege to be an ally for black people all around the world, so I hope others will join in fighting for what is right and just. If you guys have other resources that are worth checking out, please leave them in the comments! I am always looking for ways to educate myself and become the best ally I can be. Black lives matter today, tomorrow, and every single day.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Take Me Back to the Light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Christen knew it wasn’t going to be a good day as soon as she stood up out of her bed the next morning, pain shooting up her leg beginning at her left knee. </p><p> </p><p>“Damn it,” she uttered, sitting back down in defeat. She clasped both hands around her knee and squeezed, groaning in pain. </p><p> </p><p>Yep, something was definitely not right.</p><p> </p><p>Ever since her injury, she experienced flare-ups in her bad knee a few times a year. Though infrequent, they were still painful, much to Christen’s frustration. </p><p> </p><p>They usually lasted days, but sometimes these days even stretched up to a whole week.</p><p> </p><p>Christen tenderly stroked her knee as she pulled it up onto the bed, hugging it close to her body. She closed her eyes and sighed. </p><p> </p><p>She could feel it, swollen in all the wrong places, limiting her range of motion. She fell back onto the bed, letting her foot hit the floor again a little too roughly. She winced slightly in pain, chewing on the inside of her lip.</p><p> </p><p>These kinds of things reminded Christen of the early months of her injury and the recovery process, and really sent her back into a mental place she’d rather not visit.</p><p> </p><p>No matter how hard she tried, no matter how far out she thought she was, Christen never felt like she could truly escape from it. </p><p> </p><p>It was almost like a ghost followed her around, just waiting for the right time to pounce and bring her back to what felt like square one.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately for Christen, there never really was a ‘right’ time for this to happen. Working at a soccer camp and being a counselor and coach, she pretty much had to be on her feet all day. Every day.</p><p> </p><p>Christen wracked her memory for something that could have caused this flare up the day before as she stared at the ceiling fan, in a puddle of self-pity. </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t remember pushing too hard, running too fast, or twisting unnaturally. Nothing came to mind.</p><p> </p><p>Christen brought her hands up to cover her face and stifled a yell of frustration.</p><p> </p><p>She had participated in almost every drill she and Tobin designed, gone on a run each and every morning, and hiked and swam many times, all without any trouble. She had been on her feet and moving practically 24/7 for the past week, and of course this had to happen now.</p><p> </p><p>Oh god, Tobin. Christen paled as she remembered their conversation the night before. She had just opened up about losing soccer and the reason behind it, and now the woman was going to see it in action, see it really take its toll on her.</p><p> </p><p>Christen groaned again. She really could not do this today. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly deciding to put up a fight against her stupid knee, Christen sat up in a fit of resilience once again, standing up abruptly and ignoring the searing pain shooting up her leg. </p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t going to let this ruin her day.</p><p> </p><p><em> There, </em> she thought to herself, stretching her arms above her head. <em> The hardest part is over. I’m up, and I’ll stay up. </em></p><p> </p><p>Christen was proven wrong as soon as she tried to take a step forward, another bout of pain burning in her leg. </p><p> </p><p>Gritting her teeth, she moved to the dresser and pulled on a pair of old gray sweats and maroon hoodie, lazily slipping them on over her sleep-clothes. She was not at all motivated to look put together today.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as she had both feet out of the door and solidly placed on the deck, she looked out at the view in front of her, the familiar trees and bright morning sky mocking her, such a contrast from the sour mood Christen was currently in.</p><p> </p><p>She carefully stepped down each step, careful to not put too much pressure onto her bad leg by gripping onto the railing with all of her strength. She listened to the creak of the steps beneath her feet as she walked, counting the stairs left until she reached the bottom. </p><p> </p><p>She exhaled once she stepped onto the gravel at the bottom of the steps.</p><p> </p><p><em> One thing down, so many more to go </em>.</p><p> </p><p>As Christen shakily made her way over to the staff bathroom, her sour mood was amplified as soon as she saw Kelley pushing her way through the door. She was not in the mood for Kelley’s attitude so early in the already terrible day. </p><p> </p><p>Christen hobbled the rest of the distance, thrusting open the door and walking as fast as she could to the showers.</p><p> </p><p>“Woah, someone’s walking with a purpose,” Kelley said, looking at Christen in the mirror in front of her. She raised her eyebrows and paused with a toothbrush in her hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Not today, Kelley,” Christen grumbled, rolling her eyes and moving through the shower curtain into the enclosed space before where the actual shower was.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, alrighty then. Good morning to you too, Chris,” Kelley cooed as sweetly as she could, continuing to brush her teeth as she was before. </p><p> </p><p>Christen stepped out of her clothes, carefully avoiding her now even more swollen knee, and into the steaming water of the showerhead. She let the water pelt her in the face for a few seconds.</p><p> </p><p>“Chris?” Kelley said, her silhouette on the other side of the shower curtain.</p><p> </p><p>“What,” Christen deadpanned, receiving a mouthful of water.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on?” her friend asked genuinely. </p><p> </p><p>Christen sighed. What was it going to be? Frustration about her knee, regret that she let her guard down in front of Tobin, or anger that this all had to happen on today of all days?</p><p> </p><p>“Knee pain,” she decided simply, leaving the rest up to Kelley’s interpretation. She ran her fingers through her soapy hair, carefully lathering all of it down to the ends. </p><p> </p><p>Kelley’s silhouette now had hands on its hips. “Damn,” the woman said, deep in thought. “Anything I can do?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nope.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, well, let me know if you change your mind. I’m gonna go have some breakfast, but I suggest you snap out of it so you can say bye to the campers. And the new ones show up around three,” Kelley said, slightly demanding tone to her voice.</p><p> </p><p>The silhouette disappeared from view and Christen stepped further under the burning water, letting it run down her shoulders. Her face puckered into a pout. </p><p> </p><p>Kelley always was the one to call her bluff, to snap her out of her bad moods, to pick her up from those low places. Christen was thankful for that, regardless of how annoying her friend often was.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted so badly to be in the right headspace to say goodbye to the campers from the first week and greet the incoming players with enthusiasm, but she just wasn’t sure she had it in her today.</p><p> </p><p>After a few minutes of mulling over it under the steaming water, Christen turned the knob to cut off the water supply. She moved slowly as she slipped into a pair of leggings and zip-up hoodie, throwing her hair up into a towel.</p><p> </p><p>She gathered her things and moved out of the shower area to continue her routine, mind still running with the things she had to do today. Her knee still ached, in need of a big ice pack and probably a few days of rest, but Christen knew that wasn’t going to be possible.</p><p> </p><p>She pulled the towel off her head, curls falling down her back. She took a few minutes to work in some product, letting it soak for a minute.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as she plugged in the blow-dryer, she heard the door creak open and footsteps enter the room.</p><p> </p><p>Sure enough, it was Tobin who stepped through the door, looking just the perfect amount of tired that had Christen swaying on her feet a bit. She met Christen’s eyes with surprise, and Tobin did an obvious double take.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Press,” Tobin said casually, voice hoarse. The woman moved over to the counter beside Christen, setting her things down in front of the sink.</p><p> </p><p>Christen paused, the drier held loosely in her hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” she squeaked in return, memories of the night before rushing back once again. Christen’s cheeks tinted with red. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin brushed her teeth absentmindedly as Christen continued to dry her hair, Tobin seemingly unphased by the tension that was obviously between them.</p><p> </p><p>Christen ran her hand through her curls for a few minutes after turning the blow-dryer on, causing her hair to fly in all different directions, Tobin still continuing her routine in silence, throwing her hair into a lazy bun to wash her face. </p><p> </p><p>The only sound in the room was the buzz of the blow dryer until Christen’s hair was completely dry and she couldn’t use the noise as an excuse for her silence anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Christen cleared her throat, replacing the blow-dryer with a hair straightener in the outlet, setting it down to warm up for a minute.</p><p> </p><p>“You ready for today?” Christen asked lamely. She silently cursed herself for such a terrible attempt at conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“Yep,” Tobin said, meeting her eyes in the mirror. “This week flew by pretty fast. I think I’m getting the hang of it, though. This next week I’m gonna crush it, you won’t even have to worry about my coaching abilities this time,” she joked, rubbing face cream over her skin.</p><p> </p><p>Christen laughed, shifting her weight to one side without noticing, and suddenly winced in pain. Her face contorted at the discomfort, and she grabbed onto the counter in front of her for stability, the granite cool on her fingertips.</p><p> </p><p>“Woah,” Tobin said, turning to face her with concern written on her face. “You good?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,  yeah, I’m–” Christen began, “ah, shit. Ouch. Yeah, I’m fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really doesn’t sound like it,” Tobin responded, putting her hands on her hips in an attempt to get Christen to explain.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously, don’t worry. This happens all the time,” Christen explained, feeling embarrassed at her apparent weakness. She shifted a little back and forth for effect, looking down at her feet. “Just knee pain.”</p><p> </p><p>The look Tobin gave her was one of empathy. Her complexion softened and wrinkles of concern appeared on her forehead as she pulled a stray piece of hair back behind her ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit,” Tobin said with a sigh, hands dropping to her sides in defeat. “Can you walk? Maybe you should take the day off or something? I have some Advil in my room, if you want me to grab it or–”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine,” Christen grumbled, cutting her off. She didn’t want pity, especially from Tobin. “I can sort of walk. I’ll make it through the day,” she grinned, turning to look at Tobin. “Didn’t know you were such a worrier.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not,” Tobin said defensively, turning back to the sink and washing her hands. “Just good in a crisis.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, my god. This isn’t a crisis,” Christen laughed at Tobin’s statement, smiling and picking up the straightener. </p><p> </p><p>“Whatever you want to call it,” Tobin shrugged, drying her hands on the towel next to her. “I just wanna make this easy for you. If there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Christen nodded in agreement and surrendered, beginning to straighten her still curly hair. Tobin grabbed her bag and made her way to the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Press?” Tobin asked, halfway out the door of the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>“Mm?” Christen hummed, looking at herself in the mirror, the first strand of hair falling to her hand completely straight. Her gaze flicked over to Tobin, who looked at her with a hint of curiosity and seemed to have secrets in her smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I like your hair like that,” Tobin said casually with a shrug, stuffing her hands in her pockets. “You should leave it,” she finished. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin stood for a moment looking at Christen who just paused in confusion, and then turned and exited the bathroom, letting the door shut gently behind her.</p><p> </p><p>Christen let out a breath. She laughed in disbelief, looking at the straightener she was gripping loosely with narrow eyes. </p><p> </p><p>After a moment of hesitation, Christen reached forward and pulled the plug out of the outlet, setting the tool down on the counter. </p><p> </p><p>She ran fingers through the tangles in her dark hair, looking at the way it perfectly framed her sculpted face in the mirror. </p><p> </p><p>The second the straightener was cool, she packed up her things and hobbled out using the wall for support, ready as she could be to face the day ahead.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>A while after Christen had scoured the first-aid trailer for an old ice pack and after herself and Tobin had one final meeting with their team to bid their farewells and good-lucks, Christen stood with other coaches around the pick-up circle. </p><p> </p><p>It was the same as she had just seven days before. The day she met Tobin.</p><p> </p><p>As the minutes passed, Christen smiled and said her farewells to the campers as they were greeted by happy parents, eager to hear about the eventful week. She mostly stood on the outside of the circle, not able to help much with loading up the cars because of her knee-status, which was unquestioned by her friends and fellow coaches.</p><p> </p><p>They always knew not to ask about this kind of stuff. </p><p> </p><p>Even when Sonnett and Lindsey looked at her with a slight pout and worry on their faces, Christen waved them off, telling them she was fine, that she just needed to take it easy for a few days.</p><p> </p><p>As she stood in the boiling heat under the sun, she felt two little arms wrap around her legs from behind. Christen chuckled, turning around to face Charlie, who looked up at her with a big smile on her face. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi Charlie,” Christen teased, doing her best to lean over to be closer to the girl’s height. “Did you have fun this week?”</p><p> </p><p>The girl nodded feverishly, making Christen laugh. “Yeah! And my leg doesn’t hurt anymore!” she said enthusiastically. “But I don’t want to leave yet,” she continued, a pout on her face. She crossed her arms.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so glad you had fun,” Christen said, smiling. “I guess that just means you’ll have to come back next year, huh? It looks like Coach Megan did a good job with you guys, if you’re that sad to leave,” Christen said, looking over to the short-haired woman currently occupied with stuffing large bags into the back seat of a minivan.</p><p> </p><p>Charlie shrieked with laughter, jumping up and down with both feet. “I love her,” she exclaimed, still bouncing on her toes.</p><p> </p><p>Christen laughed again. She had no idea how that woman did it. These kids were exhausting.</p><p> </p><p>“Charlie!” someone shouted from one of the cars. Christen and Charlie both looked up and squinted to see who it was. The woman seated in the front seat of an old Toyota waved enthusiastically before moving to get out of the car.</p><p> </p><p>“Momma!” the girl squealed. Charlie’s face lit up in recognition as she ran into the woman’s arms.</p><p> </p><p>“I missed you, girlie,” the woman bubbled, kneeling down to wrap her daughter in her embrace. “Did you have fun?” </p><p> </p><p>After a moment of Charlie nodding vigorously, Charlie leaned back and whispered something in her mother’s ear, who listened attentively.</p><p> </p><p>Charlie grabbed her hand and pulled, and the woman stood up and moved over to where Christen was standing and observing.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, I’m Alex,” the woman said, extending her arm for Christen to shake. </p><p> </p><p>Christen took it.</p><p> </p><p>“Christen,” she said confidently, making eye contact and then looking back down at Charlie.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I think my little superstar here had fun this week,” Alex laughed, looking down at Charlie shyly hugging her legs. </p><p> </p><p>“She sure did. Pinoe over there did a fantastic job. Charlie said she didn’t want to leave,” Christen chuckled, sticking her tongue out jokingly at the girl when she peered out from behind Alex’s legs. </p><p> </p><p>Charlie hid further behind her mother’s long skirt.</p><p> </p><p>Alex looked over to where Pinoe was doing some dance with a camper. Christen rolled her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s actually pretty good at soccer, don’t let her dance moves deceive you,” Christen joked, hands on her hips. </p><p> </p><p>Alex looked different in person, she noticed, compared to the jumbotron at the stadium or the large flat screen in her sister’s apartment. She looked calmer, but still definitely had that passion in her eyes. Christen could see where Charlie got it from.</p><p> </p><p>The woman smiled genuinely, looking back to Christen. “Oh, I’m sure of it. I really trust you guys here,” Alex winked, messing with Charlie’s hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Tobin told me you guys played soccer together for a bit?” Christen asked out of curiosity, making small talk with Alex.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah,” Alex smiled. “We had a few years together back in the day and we’ve been friends ever since. She’s basically an aunt to Charlie here now. She’s been in Jersey for a while and I hadn’t seen her for months before she flew out here and told me she was taking this job, so I decided that I’d let Charlie have a little fun with Auntie Toby this week, right?” she said, reaching down to grab her daughter’s hand, who just beamed in response.</p><p> </p><p>As if on cue, suddenly there’s a gentle hand on her arm, and Tobin is right next to her. “Hey guys,” Tobin said from right as Alex was finishing her anecdote. She smiled, moving to hug Alex.</p><p> </p><p>They parted after a moment, patting each other’s backs. Tobin stepped back to stand next to Christen.</p><p> </p><p>Christen laughed internally at the literal collision of her two worlds. It was ridiculous, almost.</p><p> </p><p>“So, Al, this is Christen,” Tobin said, gesturing between the two women. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I know,” Alex said, smiling warmly at Christen. “We met. And you’re right Tobs, she’s even more gorgeous than you made her out to be,” she deadpanned, looking from Christen and back to Tobin with a satisfied smirk on her face.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s entire body tenses. “Jesus, Alex,” Tobin groaned, throwing her head back in embarrassment. She reached up to grab the back of her neck with both hands, squeezing. “Is that really necessary?”</p><p> </p><p>“Duh,” Alex said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, admiring her nails out in front of her face.</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s eyebrows shot up.  Christen laughed and tried to mask the blush that rose to her cheeks, crossing her arms and turning to look at Tobin. “We literally don’t even have cell service here,” she teased, jokingly pushing Tobin on the shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin mumbled something incoherent, looking down at her feet.</p><p> </p><p>“What was that?” Alex asked, looking at Tobin expectantly.</p><p> </p><p>“I wrote a letter,” Tobin mumbled again, a little louder this time, face completely red. “To Alex.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s heart just about burst at Tobin’s confession. She looked at Alex, who just smirked in a way that had Christen rolling her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Campers, especially the younger ones, sometimes wrote letters home to their parents or friends they missed while a week away at overnight camp. It was mostly used as a way to calm the homesick campers down, during moments they missed their mom or dad or brother or sister.</p><p> </p><p>But for Tobin to do something like this, made Christen’s chest clench. She literally took the time, picked up pen and paper, and mailed a letter home to her best friend, <em> and </em> mentioned Christen in the letter. Something about how Tobin thought she was good-looking. </p><p> </p><p>Christen made some quick calculations in her head, and her face knit together in confusion. </p><p> </p><p>For Tobin to have sent the letter and Alex to have read it by this morning, Tobin must have written it and sent it on the very first day, the day they met. </p><p> </p><p>A high blush sat on Tobin’s face, and Christen had never seen her blush like that in the week she’d known her.</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s nerves heightened as she wracked her mind with what to say to the woman next to her. She didn’t want Tobin to be embarrassed, but watching Tobin basically shrink into herself standing adjacent to her, Christen’s insides twisted with butterflies. </p><p> </p><p>Alex looks between the two of them, fighting the urge to laugh, because <em> of course </em> the cool-calm-collected Tobin Heath would completely come undone for a woman like Christen Press.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, Alex jumped in after a moment of silence and asked Tobin how Charlie was that week and if she behaved accordingly, just like she had promised.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin, thankful for the interruption, began to stumble her way through the explanation of Charlie’s twisted ankle, making sure to point out that it was in no way shape or form her fault. </p><p> </p><p>Christen laughed, quickly excusing herself to go help other campers get to their cars after saying goodbye to Alex with a smile, leg still aching in pain as she limped off.</p><p> </p><p>As Christen helped a few more kids, she observed the conversation between Tobin and Alex. It still puzzled her, the nature of their friendship and how they almost talked to each other like they were sisters. </p><p> </p><p>She wondered what it would be like to really know Tobin, know everything there is to know about her. Whenever Christen’s mind strayed, it always found its way back to the look on Tobin’s face when Alex called her out for her letter writing. </p><p> </p><p>Christen was dying to know what Tobin was thinking in that moment, and she was also dying to know what the hell she wrote in that letter.</p><p> </p><p>After moments of daydreaming, she turned around after helping a few more cars only to notice Julie waiting for her with arms crossed and hip slightly popped. That body language could never mean anything good.</p><p> </p><p>Christen walked over at Julie’s beckon, trying her best to hide her slight limp.</p><p> </p><p>“So,” Julie said as soon as Christen was close enough to hear. “I heard your knee is acting up today?”</p><p> </p><p>“It was earlier,” Christen began, trying to figure out the best way to word this. She scratched the back of her head. “Well, um… yeah, I guess it hasn’t been that great ever since I woke up, but it’s definitely had worse days.”</p><p> </p><p>And that was definitely true. </p><p> </p><p>Christen chewed on the inside of her lip, feeling like she was only making this worse for herself.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna take your word for this one,” Julie started, brushing her hands together and bouncing on her toes for a minute. “I’ll have Tobin take the lead on this one today, Press. Go chill out and rest. I don’t want you out for too long, we need you here.”</p><p> </p><p>“But,” Christen pleaded, pouting in the most dramatic way she could while still remaining somewhat professional. </p><p> </p><p>Before she could make a case for herself, Julie waved her hands to silence her.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t wanna hear it today,” Julie said. “We both know this is what’s best for you right now. And <em> you </em>,” she emphasized, pointing at Christen while making eye contact, “are your own top priority today, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Christen huffed and looked over to where Sonnett and Lindsey were definitely eavesdropping. She narrowed her eyes at them, and they were quick to pay attention to other things, clearly caught in the act. </p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” Christen said, hands on her hips. She wasn’t going to put up a fight, especially because a tiny part of her knew Julie was right. “But I’m still going to watch some of the training today, and I wanna say hi to the new girls, is that fine?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure,” Julie agreed, nodding affirmatively. “You’re an adult, Press, do whatever you want. But you can’t just wave off injuries and pain like that. I just want you to think a little more about everything, that’s all.”</p><p> </p><p>And with that, Julie walked off, leaving Christen to accept her defeat and to throw a pity-party for herself for the second time of the day.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>In the following hours, Christen’s pout faded away absentmindedly as the rush of joy the new players showed was enough to bring her spirits up, even if it was just for a little bit.</p><p> </p><p>She greeted everyone with her usual chipper enthusiasm, paying special attention to the kids who seemed hesitant to part with their parents. </p><p> </p><p>After hours of orientation, getting campers settled in their respective dorms, and a few meals in the loud and crowded cafeteria, Christen finally got to sit down. </p><p> </p><p>Earlier in the day during training in the afternoon for her and Tobin’s new group of U16 girls, she snuck down to the field being sure to avoid Julie’s attention to scope out the new talent.</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, Christen just didn’t want to feel left out of the mix, as she had so many times before.</p><p> </p><p>She watched from the wimpy set of bleachers positioned behind the fence on the main field, arms crossed and face in the slightest frown, upset to not be in on the action. Christen was careful to avoid Tobin's line of sight.</p><p> </p><p>She watched as Tobin led the group with ease, much more enthusiasm and confidence than she had shown the week before, when Christen managed to make a complete fool of Tobin during the very first practice.</p><p> </p><p>Christen twirled the ends of her hair between her fingers and puckered her lips, squinting to make out the numbers on each player’s jersey, cringing just a little bit when some players made easy mistakes or bad passes.</p><p> </p><p>She longed to be down on the field, beside Tobin, helping the girls. But she was condemned to observe from afar, and in Christen’s mind that was an even worse punishment than the pain in her knee.</p><p> </p><p>But if it was what Julie wanted, it’s what Julie would get. Christen breathed deeply, taking a moment to look at the trees, grounding herself.</p><p> </p><p>In the years she worked for the camp, Christen only experienced flare-ups a few times, but Julie had witnessed enough of Christen’s pain and suffering to know that it was no joke. Each time Christen experienced this, Julie would always be the first one telling Christen to take it easy. And  that was not Christen’s forte. </p><p> </p><p>Pushing herself was one of Christen’s greatest strengths and greatest weaknesses. It got her through all of her bad moments, but it also got her into some of them.</p><p> </p><p>Regardless of how she felt in the moment, Christen was secretly glad that Julie cared enough to make Christen rest and heal and recover. </p><p> </p><p>God knows Christen wouldn’t do that for herself.</p><p> </p><p>So there she sat on the bench, just tall enough to see over the chain-link fence, fumbling with the ice pack to get it to stay on her knee until the sun went down and it was time for dinner. </p><p> </p><p>Christen, usually one of the more lively members of the coaches’ table, sat in silence as she meticulously peeled her oranges and ate the rest of her dinner. Oranges had become somewhat of a habit, a few tangerines at every meal.</p><p> </p><p>“You guys should have seen it. It was probably the best thing I’ve ever seen,” Sonnett said through her bubbling laughter, finishing her story about Rose getting repeatedly megged by a twelve-year old. She curled over onto the table in front of her and held her stomach, laughter turning silent as she wheezed.</p><p> </p><p>Rose rolled her eyes dramatically, crossing her arms over her chest, but still unable to wipe the smile from her face. “Oh my god, stop,” she said, leaning back. “Can’t a girl get a ball passed through her legs one time and not be embarrassed by her friends for the rest of eternity?” </p><p> </p><p>Rose playfully shoved Sonnett with her shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>“Nope,” Sonnett, Mallory, and Lindsey said in unison. They all giggled and sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, I would have paid to see that,” Lindsey said, wiping stray tears from her eyes from laughing so hard at Sonnett’s story. </p><p> </p><p>“You know, guys,” Kelley said, eating food off of her fork. “We have a nutmeg queen sitting at this table,” she grinned, shrugging nonchalantly. </p><p> </p><p>“Who?” Sonnett and the rest of the younger coaches asked in unison, Rose clearly relieved that the focus was no longer on her.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, what are you guys, owls?” Kelley joked, earning a small smile from the tired Christen. The group groaned, just wanting to know what Kelley was on about. “Well, Tobin here was kind of a legend with megs.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen looked at Tobin who shrunk into herself with a shy grin on her face. She put her hand out on the table to stop the rush of chatter from the table. “Yeah, I’m kind of a big deal, haven’t you heard?” the woman teased after a moment, grin turning into the full on signature Tobin-Heath-smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“No way,” Mallory blurted, crossing her arms. “I’m not believing that until I see it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Guess we’ll have to have a face off between you two then,” Sonnett chimed in, wanting to see this for herself.</p><p> </p><p>The banter between the younger coaches had always been entertaining for Christen, and she often found herself joining in. They made her feel young, even though in reality she wasn’t even that much older than they were. She felt like she should get more credit for putting up with their antics every single day.</p><p> </p><p>Today, though, Christen just wanted a moment of peace and quiet.</p><p> </p><p>And she really wanted to leave.</p><p> </p><p>As the women continued to laugh, Christen looked over her left shoulder at Ali who was deeply engaged in conversation with Pinoe and Ashlyn. She picked at her nails, a nervous habit she was always trying to overcome. </p><p> </p><p>“Yo Press,” Megan said, nodding in Christen’s direction. “What’s up with you?”</p><p> </p><p>Christen sighed, a defeated smile coming to her lips. “Not much,” she lied with a shrug. “Just tired from the first week I guess.” Christen looked down at her empty water glass, trying to stay focused on the conversation at hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, understandable,” Ashlyn said, chiming into the conversation while focusing on her meal. The woman was practically scraping every last bite of food off her plate with a fork. </p><p> </p><p>“Ash, you don’t do shit,” Ali joked, putting a hand on Ashlyn’s shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, just because she’s the keeping coach doesn’t mean she does <em> nothing </em>,” Pinoe defended, surrendering her hands. Ashlyn sent her a look of thanks. “I mean, the woman has to stand there in the heat all day. How exhausting.”</p><p> </p><p>Ali put her hand on her forehead in feigned exhaustion. “Oh, I can’t imagine all the hard work you must put in every day, I mean… standing?” she gasped. “No thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Ashlyn groaned once she realized that she was in fact not being supported, but rather made fun of by her friend and girlfriend. “Dude, I swear to god if you don’t shut up, I’m gonna–”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Christen interrupted, trying to ease the banter at the table, “Let’s not gang up on her, I mean seriously. Ali, don’t make me remind you of that one week last year that you literally just quit coaching and forced Kelley to do everything,” she joked, shoving her friend’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“What was I forced to do?” Kelley asked with eyebrows raised, hearing her name mentioned in the conversation.</p><p> </p><p>The whole group burst into laughter, and even Christen couldn’t fight the smile that made its way to her face.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Christen couldn’t sleep that night. After what felt like a lifetime of tossing and turning, she flipped over to face the old digital alarm clock placed on the nightstand.</p><p> </p><p>1:37 A.M.</p><p> </p><p>Christen sighed and buried her face into the pillow in frustration. She was trying to sleep, to use this night as a full and complete reset in her attitude and situation, but seriously, Christen had already counted too many sheep than she could remember.</p><p> </p><p>So instead of counting some other object which would have been the logical thing to do, Christen found herself tying her shoes and stepping out of the room, into the cool night air that had become familiar over the years.</p><p> </p><p>Christen tried to be quiet as she limped down the stairs, soccer ball tucked under one of her arms, and she made her way down the gravel hill to the grass field. </p><p> </p><p>She wanted to forget all the pain and suffering she’d gone through, and she wished time would just stop. Just for a few days, so Christen could play a little game of catch up with everything physical, mental, and emotional.</p><p> </p><p>Christen let the ball roll in front of her once she had stepped through the gate and onto the field, perfectly trimmed grass beneath her feet as the trees towered above, looking like looming creatures in the shadows.</p><p> </p><p>She breathed deeply.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s letter, new campers, her damn knee. She was right, today <em> was </em> a lot.</p><p> </p><p>She took the first step towards the ball, matching her foot up perfectly and watching it soar towards the goal from half-field. It slowly but surely rolled its way into a bottom corner. Christen ignored the searing pain in her leg, and walked over to get the ball in the net.</p><p> </p><p>This went on for a while, in this repetition and rhythm. Christen continued to ignore the burning sensation and the feeling like she’d never be good enough, as she took shot after shot after shot on goal, every single one on target. Most of them were in the air. </p><p> </p><p>She was so mesmerized and focused that Christen didn’t even notice a dark figure standing behind the chain link fence, watching her. Until the sound of the gate gently shut behind Christen’s line of sight. She whipped around, startled–she thought she was completely alone. She was wrong.</p><p> </p><p>As the figure moved closer, Christen recognized it to be Tobin. </p><p> </p><p><em> God. </em> It seemed that Tobin was always the one sneaking up on her, following Christen around until they were alone.</p><p> </p><p>Christen put her hands on her hips and fought the urge to roll her eyes, forgetting about the ball she had just kicked into the upper left corner, something she had perfected back in college.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s face was revealed by the moonlight, looking tired like she had earlier that morning. </p><p> </p><p>Christen’s eyebrows knit together in half-confusion half-annoyance. “What the hell,” Christen said softly, foregoing all polite greetings.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted one night, one minute, one <em> damn </em>second of silence. </p><p> </p><p>“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I can explain, I swear I’m not stalking you,” Tobin pleaded, not wanting Christen to get the wrong idea. </p><p> </p><p>Christen scoffed, turned to retrieve the ball, and then slowly dribbled it back to where Tobin waited with her hands in her pockets. She tried to drop the attitude that she felt coming through in her words, but it was still there, fighting.</p><p> </p><p>“What is it?” Christen asked, passing the ball softly between her feet in an attempt to ease her pain. She gestured to Tobin’s stance. “What’s in those pockets of yours, Heath?” </p><p> </p><p>She shrugged, looking down. “All my secrets,” she said casually, looking back up to meet Christen’s curious eyes for a moment of silence.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin was always so casual, so infuriatingly casual, and of course in Christen’s one night where she actually wanted to be alone, Tobin had to show up, and she just had to–</p><p> </p><p>The ball disappeared from Christen’s feet and again flying towards the goal, only this time Tobin was the one that kicked it. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin took off in a jog, running back to Christen once she had secured the ball in her hands.</p><p> </p><p>Christen stood with her hands on her hips, looking annoyed.</p><p> </p><p>“You want this back?” Tobin asked, dropping the ball midway between them. “Here, it’s yours.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen sighed, giving up on Tobin’s antics. She dropped her arms and stepped towards the ball, but not before Tobin could swiftly pull it back to her own body.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, really?”</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, yes.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen swatted at Tobin’s shoulder, eyes towards the ground, trying to focus enough on Tobin’s fast footwork in this near complete darkness to get the ball back, to end this flirtatious game.</p><p> </p><p>Christen gave up after a moment, deciding it wasn’t worth dealing with Tobin to get her ball back when in reality there were tons of others in the shed that would be so easy to grab just a few hundred yards away.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you’re just gonna give up?” Tobin asked, smirking, face perfectly lit by the dim moonlight. “Just like that?”</p><p> </p><p>Christen shrugged, and bit back her attitude. “Yep, I guess so.”</p><p> </p><p>They stood in silence for a moment, Tobin looking defeated as ever because her attempt to cheer Christen up was clearly not working.</p><p> </p><p>Christen bit her lip, ashamed at herself, upset with the fact that Tobin was trying to do something nice and Christen was doing everything except accepting it. Quickly taking advantage of the situation, Christen caught Tobin off guard and swiftly trapped the ball under her foot once she tapped it just out of her reach. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s eyes narrowed, sensing that the competition was on, and Christen laughed freely, happy emotions bubbling to the surface.</p><p> </p><p>What ensued was nothing short of chaos. A mess of tangled limbs, moves that nobody could ever pull off during an actual game, groans of defeat and cheers of success whenever one woman stole the ball away from the other. </p><p> </p><p>It was fun, and harmless, and Christen still tried to be careful about her knee, because if she could play like this with Tobin and hear her laugh and cheer like she was at this moment, Christen would stay out on this field in the cold and dark for the rest of her life.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin watched as all of the day’s tension left Christen’s body, all of her worries and stress dissipating into the thin air. She smiled, watching the way her curls bounced on her shoulders as she moved.</p><p> </p><p>And so it goes: a messy game of keep-away with tangled body parts and Tobin’s tricky moves that Christen seriously can’t defend until Christen finally has the ball, until Tobin’s hand was on Christen’s waist absentmindedly pulling her closer.</p><p> </p><p>But of course, it’s only to get the ball. Or so Christen thought.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s body stilled, realizing the gentle point of contact. Christen toe-poked the ball to her left, just out of reach for both women.</p><p> </p><p>They looked at the ball until it stops rolling, and back to each other, Tobin’s lips parted in a pant and eyes wide from the adrenaline rush of the playful game. Her hand was still on Christen’s waist, and there was almost no room between their bodies, and Christen’s leg was slightly between Tobin’s in a move of defense, and Christen couldn’t breathe.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin had found Christen in her weakest moment, in the dead of the night, in the cold and scary night air, and tried to help her. Heal her. Christen realized that Tobin had paid attention earlier, and tried to fix whatever broken parts of Christen had shown that day. Tried her best to put them back together. </p><p> </p><p>Christen then knew <em> exactly </em> what she wanted. She squared her body to Tobin’s, stepping closer.</p><p> </p><p>“Tobin,” Christen said without thinking.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“Kiss me.” </p><p> </p><p>And so Tobin did. She slowly closed the already small gap between their faces, and it was fast and frantic and exciting, and it was true: Christen’s lips <em> were </em> in fact just as soft and perfect as Tobin had imagined. Christen’s heart raced at the feeling of Tobin’s hand grabbing her waist more surely this time, pulling their bodies flush together. </p><p> </p><p>Christen reached up with both hands to cup Tobin’s jaw, using one to reach around the back of the other woman’s neck to pull her even closer. Tobin sighed, deepening the kiss, tongue easily slipping past Christen’s lips. </p><p> </p><p>Warmth coursed through Christen’s body. It was everything Christen had been dreaming of for the past seven days, and it was better than she even could have imagined. Tobin’s hands on her hips steadied her, making her realize that this was actually happening, that it wasn’t just some fantasy or some trick her mind was playing on her.</p><p> </p><p>And then all of that contact and all of that warmth was gone, and she could feel Tobin’s hot breath on her face for a moment as they pulled back, slightly breathless.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin looked at Christen, looking frightened and trying to search Christen’s face for any sign of what the <em> hell </em> just happened and how that had just transpired, how they ended up in such an intimate moment, in such an intimate position.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay?” Christen choked out to break the unbearable silence, voice hoarser than she’d expected. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin just smiled in a way that drove Christen crazy, suddenly pulling her back into the kiss, like they just couldn’t get enough.</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s mind went blank as her lips continued to move perfectly against Tobin’s as her hand moved from Christen’s waist and tangled in her hair. All of the pain, all of the day's events, all of the sadness that lingered all day disappeared as soon as her lips touched Tobin’s.</p><p> </p><p>“Your hair, the curls, I...” Tobin remarked softly against Christen’s lips. Christen hummed in response, unsure that if she opened her mouth to respond she would be able to get anything out. Her insides were on fire, and Tobin’s words just made the butterflies and nerves come back with full force.</p><p> </p><p><em> Of course </em> she had left her hair alone. And it was Tobin’s doing, though Christen would never admit it in a million years. Secretly, she wanted Tobin to look at her, to really look at her, and Christen wanted to do what she could to ensure that would happen.</p><p> </p><p>After a moment, Tobin pulled back again, looking like she had something to say, opening her mouth and closing it again.</p><p> </p><p>Christen cupped Tobin’s jaw gently, stroking her thumbs over the woman’s cheeks, encouraging her to say what she had to say. She shifted slowly on her feet, looking right into Christen’s eyes and squeezing her waist.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s all gonna be okay, you know that?” Tobin whispered quietly to the dark haired woman she held between her arms.</p><p> </p><p>All the air Christen thought she had in her lungs was suddenly gone, Tobin knocking Christen off her feet once again, though this time not literally. Christen searched Tobin’s face for nothing in particular. Just to admire the woman standing in front of her.</p><p> </p><p> She pulled Tobin back into a kiss yet again. And under all the familiar yet stranger bright stars and tall trees, tangled in each other in the heat of the moment, Christen believed her.</p><p> </p><p>It was scary, opening up to Tobin like she had. And in all of the confusion and sadness and fear, Tobin helped her see it clearly. It all made sense. And that was terrifying in and of itself. </p><p><br/>
It hit Christen square in the chest, knocking all of the air out of her lungs. She really believed it. That one day, maybe even one day soon, everything <em> would </em>be okay.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. And They're Playing your Song on the Radio Station</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Christen rapped on Kelley’s cabin door three times before stepping back, knowing her best friend would come bursting out at any moment and wanted to avoid being hit by the creaky door. She looked up at the sky, clouds blocking the view of the stars that night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yo,” Kelley said, throwing the door open and stepping one foot out and joining Christen in looking at the sky, trying to figure out what her friend was looking at. “Shit. Rain clouds?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen hummed in contemplation. “God, I hope not. I overheard Julie saying that we were having some issues with some cabins. But I’m pretty sure she said that it was mostly only in the A block, so most of the girls should be fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about us, though?” Kelley asked, paused with one hand holding the door open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be fine,” Christen stated with confidence, rolling her eyes at Kelley’s concerns. “You can’t handle rain?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A gust of wind blew through the trees, causing Christen’s hair to fly up and around her face. She cocked an eyebrow. “You sure?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kelley pursed her lips in thought. “Mm, yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She waited a moment more in hesitation before stepping out onto the deck, proving that she wasn’t afraid of a little rain. Besides, the forecast on the old AM radio didn’t predict rain for the next few weeks anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kelley pushed past Christen with an excited grin on her face, knowing what tonight was going to be all about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Every second Saturday of each month, all of the camp’s coaches gathered for a mid-week celebration. It was more like a bonfire rather than a party, and most of the time alcohol was involved, for a little relief among the chaos.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had become somewhat of a tradition, everyone definitely needing a break to feel like actual adults for once. Kelley had once told Christen that she spent so much time with kids, she started feeling like one. Christen didn’t doubt it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Julie claimed no knowledge of the tradition, completely understanding the night of much-needed release and turning a blind eye to what probably violated many rules and sections of the coaches’ contracts. So although Christen had been a rule follower for most of her life, she figured a few scattered nights of fun weren’t going to hurt anyone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen walked slightly behind Kelley in the direction of an abandoned part of the camp’s grounds, one that used to be used for storage of some sort. It was enough out of the way that they could be loud and have fun without being heard by the campers, but close enough to everything else that they wouldn’t be in the dead middle of the surrounding forest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They walked in silence as they approached the group. Not many people were there yet, only a few who were positioned around the firepit. Christen breathed a sigh of relief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She liked being early to things. Her family was habitually late to every event, so the day Christen got her driver’s license in her teenage years, she swore to herself to never be late to another thing ever again. And so it stuck, even with things she didn’t need to drive to, like this one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once Kelley was satisfied with where they stood among the circle of friends surrounding the campfire, she dropped a few old logs that she had tucked under her shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Kell,” Sonnett said, looking down at the embarrassment of a fire below her with her hands on her hips. She pursed her lips, focusing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen felt a hand on her forearm, pulling on it as a red solo cup was placed in her hand. “Here,” Ali said. Christen turned to her and smiled appreciatively. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, god. Thanks,” she said, bringing the cup up to her nose so she could smell it. She recoiled slightly, not having drank much in the recent months and not expecting the very aggressive sour smell. “What the hell is in this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing you have to worry about.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen worked hard to keep herself from rolling her eyes. “Alright, sounds promising.” Christen relented, swirling it around for a moment before taking her first sip of the mystery drink. Ali was always doing things in Christen’s best interest, so she decided to trust her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Holding back a gag, Christen quickly swallowed the liquid, feeling it burn her throat and warm her body. She looked at Ali with a suspicious glance, wondering what the other woman was thinking. Ali just smiled deviously, and turned around, probably to go find Ashlyn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to Kelley and Sonnett, who were attempting to get the fire really started. Christen leaned over the pit, looking at the small excuse for flames, unable to suppress a laugh that rose in her throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think you can do better?” Kelley deadpanned as she whipped her head around, offended at Christen’s apparent amusement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope, I know I can’t. That’s why I have you guys here,” she responded honestly. It was true. Christen couldn’t figure out how to start a fire for shit.</span>
  <span></span><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“See? I told you she likes me,” Kelley said in Sonnett’s direction, turning her focus back to the fire. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Christen questioned, bouncing on her toes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s been arguing that you don’t like me. It’s almost like I haven’t known you for like, forever,” Kelley explained dramatically. Christen looked at Sonnett, who looked like she was trying to keep back a bellowing laugh herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. One, I didn’t say I liked you. I just need you. For certain things,” Christen began, holding up one finger. “Two, you know Emily is just fucking with you, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kelley shot up, taken aback. “You can’t be serious.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stared right at Sonnett with a terrifying look on her face that even Christen would be scared of if it was directed at her. Christen had been on the wrong side of that look plenty of times before, and it was no fun experience.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sonnett visibly cowered under the glance, and Kelley smirked, her always confident and intimidating demeanor finally working on someone. “Damn. Maybe I am as oblivious as I thought,” Kelley muttered to herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Christen laughed at her two friends as they continued to struggle over lighting the fire for the hundredth time that night, she felt a presence behind her. She turned around to find Tobin, looking all soft and pretty and huggable in her casual attire. And of course she couldn’t forget the beanie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen broke into a genuine smile as she saw the other woman, Tobin beaming back in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few days had passed since they kissed that night on the field, and Christen’s mind hadn’t stopped reeling since. In these days since, they both had been so busy with coaching and caught up in the usual chaos that they hadn’t been able to steal a moment together alone. Christen longed to be alone with Tobin, just steal a few minutes together. Even just to talk about what happened that night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had been flirty and smitten as usual with the group in the aftermath of their intimate moment, but Christen wasn’t sure if anybody had picked up on the way they looked at each other for a little longer than they probably should have, the way they seemed to gravitate towards each other in a crowd, how easy it was between them. Christen certainly had noticed, and it set the tension almost unbearably high. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were both clearly into the kiss that night, and Christen needed to know what was on Tobin’s mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin cleared her throat, waking herself from her daze as she looked past Christen’s eyes to the still struggling pair behind her. Her face knit into a look of confusion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dude, don’t just smother the fire with more wood when it hasn’t even lit the other logs,” she groaned as if she was dumbfounded, sliding past Christen and leaning over the wide firepit next to Kelley. She kneeled down, not seeming to care about the dirt that would now cover the knees of her sweatpants, and gently blew onto the sparks under a few blocks of wood. After a few minutes, the small sparks curled up into the wood, bursting into a blur of smoke, and the fire was officially started. Tobin stood up, brushing herself off and looking proud as ever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen smiled in amusement. So Tobin was all sunshine and warm eyes and kindness </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> she had nature skills? It was impressive. Christen was amazed at the things she was learning about Tobin over the short amount of time they had known each other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow, Heath,” Christen began, giggling slightly as Tobin turned around. “Didn’t know you were a girl-scout.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was, actually. Until senior year,” Tobin chuckled, even though she knew Christen was teasing her. Christen broke into more laughter, and Tobin playfully stuck her tongue out at the woman in response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before she could comment on anything else, the moment was interrupted by Sonnett who stood dangerously close to the growing fire and tapped on a handle of vodka for dramatic effect, as if she was going to make a toast. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright everyone, settle down, settle down,” she began in an english accent, earning a collective laugh from the group.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as the group was silent enough for Sonnett to continue, Ali appeared at Christen’s side again, pouring more into her plastic cup, and then disappeared quickly. Christen watched as she practically skipped back to Ashlyn’s side, and the two sat closely on a bigger foldable chair. Christen sent what she thought was a wink in Ali’s direction, but was probably closer to a full blink. Ali stifled a laugh, and Ashlyn poked her side wondering what was going on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen turned her attention back to Sonnett.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As you all know, this is our first bi-monthly break-from-the-madness gathering,” she began, a low rumble of thunder in the distance interrupting her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused after that one sentence in surprise. Her wide-eyed gaze swept around the group for a minute, meeting everyone’s attentive and expectant eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well,” she continued after a moment, “I hope it doesn’t rain on us. That’s all I have to say. Let’s get fucked up!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whoops and cheers of excitement and agreement rose up around Christen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And with that kind of declaration, Christen should have known that this night was going to be a complete and utter disaster. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chatter was back to normal after that, Christen hearing tidbits of each conversation that was happening around her. She felt a gentle tug on her shoulder, and she spun around slightly off balance to meet Lindsey, who was looking down at Christen with the biggest pout and puppy-dog-eyes she had ever seen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please,” she began, not even bothering to ask Christen what she intended to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want me to do?” Christen sighed, smiling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh thank god. Sonnett was about to force me to be her partner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lindsey grabbed Christen’s arm, causing her to almost spill her drink in the process, and led her over to a corner of the gathering where Sonnett and Tobin stood casually next to a run-down wooden table that looked like it was set up for a game of beer pong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen panicked for a moment, not having played many drinking games since college, but relaxed after Lindsey placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Ready to crush ‘em?” she asked, looking proudly at Christen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This gave Christen all her confidence back. “Hell yeah I am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright. Let’s not get too cocky here,” Sonnett said, tossing a ping pong ball in Christen’s direction, who fumbled with it for a moment and then secured it in her free hand. “Y’all can go first.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen took one last sip of her mystery drink which was yet to have any affect on her, bent down and placed it on the ground, and then stood up with a new and improved game face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Game on,” she teased, meeting Tobin’s comical gaze. “Wanna go first?” she said in Lindsey’s direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lindsey nodded, stepping to the table and lined up her elbow with the edge, before sending the ball over to the other side of the table. Unfortunately for their team, the ball bounced hard on the edge of one of the cups before rolling off the side of the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen kept the energy up, giving Lindsey words of encouragement, telling her she’ll get the next one. She bit the corner of her tongue that hung partially out of her mouth in concentration, as she sent the ball flying in a perfectly arched path, before it sunk into the very first cup with a plop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both of her arms shot up in celebration. She fist bumped Lindsey after she cheered, calming down because she didn’t want to get too caught up in the first shot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked back at Tobin, who had a shit eating grin on her face. “Alright, Press. I see you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She said, shrugging. She leaned forward and grabbed the cup, removing the ball before easily swallowing the beer in the cup in one go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin tossed the cup over her head and rolled her shoulders back, poised to take a shot. As soon as the ball left her hand, Christen knew it was going in. She watched with dread as her suspicions were confirmed. The ball ricocheted off of one cup’s rim before landing in a corner cup with a plop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen’s eyes shot up to look at Tobin, who just shrugged off Sonnett’s jump of celebration with confidence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, so the game really</span>
  <em>
    <span> was</span>
  </em>
  <span> on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen downed the warm beer and wiped her lip with the sleeve of her hoodie all while not breaking eye contact with the woman across the table. Tobin visibly gulped at the sight of it, which sent a rush throughout Christen’s body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the game went on, all of them continued to brick shots on the rim of the diminishing amount of cups, sometimes getting lucky if they sinked one, Christen and Lindsey celebrating together with hugs and high fives. A small crowd slowly but surely gathered around them, whooping and celebrating with the women if they made a shot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even though Christen and Lindsey agreed to alternate drinking the beer cups, Christen’s legs shortly turned to jelly, her voice grew a little louder, her motions became a bit more careless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She usually enjoyed being tipsy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the one time she felt like she didn’t have to have control over everything all the time, it was the one time her mind let her have a break from thinking, and instead just urged her to </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> instead. A few bad nights in college often had her thinking otherwise, but a slightly tipsy Christen wasn’t anything anybody had to worry about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Besides, Christen wasn’t even drunk. Yet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, after many attempts and failures, both teams were down to the last cup, centered on each edge of the table. Sonnett gestured to Tobin, letting her have the last shot. She focused for a moment before releasing the ball at just the right time, following it with her eyes until it dropped right into the middle of the cup. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen couldn’t believe it, but laughed it off. It wasn’t the first time she had lost a drinking game. Tobin’s celebration amused Christen, the way she finally let herself celebrate the victory by spinning around with her arms in the air. It reminded Christen of the frat boys back in college. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lindsey groaned and threw her head back as the other two celebrated with a hug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, wait, wait,” Christen said, waving her arms around wildly to get Tobin and Sonnett to stop. “We get redemption.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Tobin said, bouncing a ball on the table over to where Christen stood ready to accept it with open hands. “Good luck with that, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen accepted the challenge readily, narrowing her eyes at Tobin before focusing as much as her tipsy-self would allow to toss the ball towards the cup.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next moment happened in slow motion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The ball bounced on the rim, dangerously close to missing the cup completely, and then it disappeared into the cup, meaning that Christen had just secured a win for her and Lindsey. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes lit up at the sight of Tobin and Sonnett’s disappointment, and she threw her arms up in a cheer as Kelley wrapped her in a tight hug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s my girl!” Kelley yelled among the cheers, as the crowd that had gathered to watch the game celebrated alongside Christen. “How does it feel?” she shouted over to Tobin, who just chuckled and shrugged in defeat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Feels great, Kel. Really does,” she shouted back sarcastically. She had a huge grin on her face, so Christen wasn’t too worried. Her competitive spirit sometimes had a habit of making others upset, but this was just a harmless game. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The inhibition getting the best of her, she walked over to Tobin with open arms and wrapped her arms around the other woman’s neck, burying her face in her shoulder with an excited squeal. Tobin hesitated for a millisecond before hugging Christen’s waist, patting her on the back in congratulations.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m really– I’m not,” Christen stuttered as she pulled back, laughing at the numb feeling in her legs. She held onto Tobin’s neck for stability as she breathed in Tobin’s scent. Christen smelled the mix of beer and a hint of campfire on her skin. Tobin stilled for a moment, steadying Christen by the waist to make sure the dark-haired woman wouldn’t fall over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, silly,” Christen slurred slightly, moving her face incredibly close to Tobin’s, just grinning dumbly at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sure you are,” Tobin responded. “You look happy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I am–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen was interrupted by Kelley pulling her roughly by the wrist, which made Christen drop her other hand from Tobin. She smiled apologetically as she stumbled in Kelley’s direction. She heard thunder rumble again, but she was too occupied with other things to notice or care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kelley pulled Christen by the hand back over to the chairs surrounding the firepit, wrapping her arms around Christen’s waist and pulling her down onto her lap to listen to some story Pinoe was telling to an enraptured Ali, Ashlyn, Mal, and Rose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen could barely focus on the story, and couldn’t sit still on Kelley’s lap for the life of her. She was too interested in the trees that warped into different shapes and the way the fire wouldn’t stay still long enough for Christen’s eyes to focus on it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen hummed along to some Fleetwood Mac song that was playing softly in the background, looking around her. She hiccupped slightly, and then slapped a hand over her mouth quickly to mask her embarrassment. She felt the alcohol catch up to her, warm and smooth in her insides. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Woah, you good?” Kelley said, putting her chin on Christen’s shoulder from behind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep,” Christen giggled, leaning back a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someone cleared their throat from behind them, and Christen whipped her head around in shock, only to see Julie looking down at her with a smile on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Christen,” she said, probably amused by Christen’s state of intoxication. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh god,” Christen whispered in shock, eyes going wide, thinking she was too far gone to talk to the director at the moment. She turned and buried her face in Kelley’s neck, thinking it would hide her well enough so Julie would forget Christen was even there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Chris, what the hell– oh, shit. Hi Foudy,” Kelley complained, shaping up once she realized who the woman standing next to her was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey guys,” she answered, hands on her hips. She panned around the area, looking at everyone who had just gone silent as they too realized who it was. “Oh, come on. You know I don’t care about what you guys do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The group chuckled, still slightly nervous.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to tell you that there’s supposed to be a storm tonight, and unfortunately we’ve been having some problems with some of the cabins. You know, leaks and stuff,” the director began, scratching the back of her head. “I hate to tell you guys this in the middle of all your fun, but if it rains, those of you in the A and B blocks of cabins are gonna need to find another place to stay for the night. Your stuff should be fine, but if it gets wet in there, I don’t want any of you guys getting sick. So figure it out amongst yourselves about who is gonna be staying with who.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Julie began to walk off. “Alright, continue with whatever shenanigans are going on here. But if it rains, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chatter erupted as counselors argued about who was going to sleep where, and Christen was too tipsy to have a single care in the world. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t stop giggling about the idea of a storm. Here. In the middle of the summer in the middle of California. This never happened, and when it did rain at the camp, at most it sprinkled for a few hours in the morning. But a storm? Christen couldn’t even imagine it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Next thing she knew, all of the coaches seemed to have new room arrangements. Somehow plans materialized out of what Christen thought was thin air. Mal was going to stay with Kelley, Pinoe was going to take in Lindsey and Sonnett and somehow fit three in the small cabin, Ashlyn was obviously going to stay with Ali, like they hadn’t already been bunking together for days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It seemed like everyone Christen cared about was accounted for, and she assumed that all of the other people she didn’t know as well had figured it out too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That is, until Kelley aggressively bounced Christen on her knee and gestured with her head to her left. Christen groaned, begging Kelley to stop for the love of god. But the woman did not stop, until Christen finally looked to her left to appease Kelley only to see the sight of a worried-looking Tobin, hands stuffed deep in pockets and all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, shit. She needed a place to stay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before she could think better of it, she was reaching out for Tobin’s hand, taking it in hers and offering her a spot in her room for the night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin smiled in disbelief, squeezing Christen’s hand. “Are you sure?” she asked, her unsure eyes meeting Christen’s. Christen hiccupped again, laughing at how Tobin somehow now had more eyes than she did before. “I don’t wanna intrude, I can find another per–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I’m sure,” Christen said, trying to look serious for a moment, before letting go of Tobin’s hand and flopping back onto Kelley. She pretended not to notice the blush on Tobin’s cheeks, and she was sure her’s were just as bad, but she blamed it on the alcohol.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, what the hell did Ali do to you?” Kelley laughed, grabbing both sides of Christen’s head from behind as Christen brought her knees up to her chest and snuggled further into Kelley’s body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ali didn’t do anything,” Christen murmured with her eyes closed, yawning slightly. “She just gave me a cup with some magical stuff in it. And now I feel…. Great.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes drifted shut against her will, the many voices fading into a mess of sound as she slightly drifted off to sleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After what felt like a few seconds, but was realistically a while later, Christen awoke to the sound of thunder yet again, sounding much closer this time. Before her mind registered what the hell was going on, she heard yelps of fright and panic as she saw people running for cover. That was when she felt the first of the big water droplets on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kelley hurriedly helped Christen out of her lap, Christen definitely still out of it. The fire was getting smaller by the second, the rain doing its very best to extinguish it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kelley, fed up with dealing with Christen, quickly handed her off to Tobin who was still gathering her things, before she also ran for cover.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen grabbed onto Tobin’s hip and pulled her into her, wanting to smell her again. She still smelled like beer and campfire, but she also smelled like rain this time. Christen laughed freely, full of pure and unbridled joy that she hadn’t felt in a while. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Chris, come on, we have to go,” Tobin complained while smiling at the sight of a still-drunk Christen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen swayed slightly to the music that was still playing softly in the background, wanting to enjoy the moment, even though they were getting pelted by the rain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nooo,” she whined, tugging on Tobin’s arm to hold her back for a moment. “Just one minute.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Tobin relented, watching Christen recognize the song that was playing. Her face lit up in excitement as the first few evocative notes played from a slow electric guitar through the speaker someone was dumb enough to leave behind in the rain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen bit her lip, sending Tobin an appreciative glance, before letting go of the other woman. She skipped a few steps into a less-cramped space, beginning to terribly dance to the music that was playing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin’s eyes went wide as she listened to the crude lyrics of the song that hummed lowly in the background. She laughed, shaking her head slightly at Christen, arms wide and spinning in the rain, singing every lyric under her breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Chris,” she chuckled, embarrassed and flustered. “These lyrics.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, shut up. It’s a good song. Just listen,” Christen pleaded without stopping her dance, arms and legs moving with no coordination whatsoever, just feeling the music move her body freely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen was perfect to Tobin, she really was. Even when she was drunk, even when she was dancing in the pouring rain to some profane song, forcing Tobin to stay by her side. Tobin would be damned if she missed this sight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin lost herself in the beautiful moment unfolding before her eyes. She loved everything about it. How Christen’s hair was frizzed by the pouring water. How she stumbled slightly as she spun, her neck craned towards the sky inviting the drops onto her skin. How she laughed so freely like she didn’t have a care in the world. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How it was almost like nothing in the world mattered at all, except for them alone in this moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was so damn beautiful. Tobin’s chest clenched, and she couldn’t ignore the butterflies that danced inside her core.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It couldn’t have been more than a moment of this happening, Christen dancing and making a fool out of herself and Tobin watching in amusement and adoration, until Christen was holding her hand out for Tobin to take, inviting her to dance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin accepted, letting Christen twirl her around for a moment before facing each other, Christen’s hands once again around the back of Tobin’s neck and Tobin’s embracing Christen’s waist. Tobin’s heart raced.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If you don't eat, then you'll</span>
  </em>
  <span> nev</span>
  <span>er</span>
  <em>
    <span> grow</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I should've learnt that quite a while ago</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know it gets hard sometimes</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Making out with people that you don't like</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know you don't feel alright</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But you look just fine to me</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen smiled as she sang over the song, rain matting the hair on her forehead. She laughed, leaning into Tobin, resting her head on the other woman’s chest. She felt Tobin’s arms wrap around her and heard her sigh softly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen listened to the steady beat of her heart, and Tobin prayed to god that it wasn’t beating too fast.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know it gets hard sometimes</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Taking out your shit on the ones you like</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You know, I didn't feel alright</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Until you spoke to me</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen laughed as she clumsily stepped on Tobin’s toes, arms loosely wrapped around her neck as they moved together. And it was the two of them, not so much dancing as much as swaying slowly in the pouring rain in the ungodly hours of the night, without a single care in the world.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You, I've been waiting for you</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My whole life, waiting for you</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I've been waiting for you </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin’s heart swelled as she listened along to the song, holding the woman in her arms. She just brought Christen closer as the rain didn’t let up, trying to be steady enough for the both of them. As the last notes of the song faded out, as if on cue, thunder rumbled again, causing both women to break apart faster than either of them would have liked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” Tobin said, reaching out for Christen’s arm who linked them together. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen agreed, silently nodding as she stumbled next to Tobin who kept her on her feet as they walked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rain hummed in the background as the wind ripped through the trees, Christen giggling as if the storm was funny. The buildings creaked, rain pattering on the roofs and walls. Tobin tried to get Christen to hurry as much as she could, fumbling for the keys in Christen’s jacket pockets to unlock Christen’s door once they reached her cabin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Tobin searched each pocket, Christen hiccuped as she stood still, arms at her sides. “You’re pretty,” she cooed, looking at Tobin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you’re drunk,” Tobin replied, hoping Christen wouldn’t continue rambling and say something she’d regret in the morning. She didn’t look up at Christen as she continued to check each pocket until she found the one holding the key.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as they stepped inside, Christen pulled off her jacket and jeans right in front of Tobin, who recoiled, half-embarrassed and half-shocked. She slapped her palms over her eyes suddenly, turning around to face the wall. Christen did not care one bit what Tobin saw, she just knew she needed to be in her bed at that exact moment or she would die right then and there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once she had fallen into the bed and gotten comfortable under the sheets with blankets pulled up over her head, she stayed there for a moment with her eyes closed, giving Tobin some privacy to change out of her soaked clothes. She felt Tobin’s weight at the edge of the bed, sitting down to take off her shoes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just take stuff from the drawers,” Christen said through a yawn, assuming Tobin wouldn’t want to sleep in her soaked clothes. She was still under the covers. “Sweats and shirts in some drawer in the thingy,” she said, voice trailing off again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Real specific,” Tobin chuckled as she stood up off the bed. After another minute of shuffling and making sure Tobin finished changing, Christen yanked the sheets from above her head, gasping for air dramatically. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room was spinning. And Tobin was wearing her clothes, looking soft and huggable and sleepy. She wasn’t sure which one was making her more dizzy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, can I get a blanket?” Tobin asked, pointing next to Christen’s body and waking the woman from her daze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen’s eyes knit together in confusion. “Yeah,” she murmured, suddenly too tired to ask why Tobin was going to need a blanket. She closed her eyes again, and opened them to the sight of Tobin laying on the floor next to her bed with a pillow tucked under her neck. Christen sighed, and reached up to turn off the light.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Tobin wanted to sleep on the floor, that was on her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Tobs.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Chris. Let me know if you need anything, alright? Like, uh, Advil or water or something. Or if you’re gonna throw up, let me know so I can move out of the way,” Tobin chuckled, turning onto her side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen giggled again before tucking the blankets under her chin, trying to warm up from the cold rain. She listened to the sound of Tobin’s breathing become more even, and the steady pattern of the rain hitting the roof, now suddenly grateful that her cabin was free of leaks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately for Christen, shivers crept up her body each time she almost drifted off, preventing her from falling into a much wanted and needed deep sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minutes passed, Christen listening to Tobin breathe and being annoyed by her chills.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh god. Christen hadn’t even offered Tobin a spot on the bed. Or to have the bed all by herself. It somehow had slipped her mind that Tobin was technically the guest in this situation, and Christen was suddenly overcome by guilt. She put her palm on her forehead, mentally cursing her drunk self for being so stupid and careless. She was still tipsy, but sober enough to have some sort of rational thought process.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tobin?” Christen whispered into the darkness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” she giggled softly. “I thought you were asleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>were asleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A moment of silence passed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you need something?” Tobin asked, reminding Christen of why she had even called Tobin’s name in the first place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah. Do you want the bed?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin laughed, suppressing an eye roll. “Nah, the floor is good. These creaky boards make for the best night’s sleep, haven’t you heard?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh no, I’m so sorry,” Christen hurried, feeling more guilty now. “Here, take the bed, I’ll switch–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Chris, it’s okay. I was kidding,” Tobin said, easing Christen’s panic. Another moment of silence passed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Actually,” Christen started, biting her lip, nerves creeping up her back. “Do you wanna just come up here? With me? I’m sure it’s warmer. It’s pretty cold in here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen felt Tobin turn towards her, looking up at her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin hesitated. She didn’t want to overstep her boundaries with Christen, not entirely sure where they stood together. Plus, if she was that close to Christen all night, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to sleep at all. “Really?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course. I’m sorry I didn’t ask sooner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, Tobin slowly got up off the floor and rounded the bed in the middle of the room, gently slipping under the warm sheets. The two women were positioned with their backs to each other in silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen relaxed a little, now that Tobin was probably more comfortable. She listened again to Tobin’s breath to take her mind off of her freezing body temperature and her teeth that so desperately wanted to rattle.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Tobin wasn’t that oblivious.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You cold?” she whispered in the darkness, turning to face Christen, who still had her back to Tobin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen nodded, even though she knew Tobin couldn’t see the motion in the dark. She seemed to have gotten the idea, though.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin murmured something under her breath before reaching over Christen’s waist and pulling her body closer, awkwardly fitting together at first. The only thing she could focus on was Christen’s skin that was cold under her hot touch, and so much more soft than she ever could have imagined. Christen’s back was flush with Tobin’s stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The feeling of Tobin’s warm hand against her bare skin was something Christen never wanted to forget. Tobin slid her arm underneath Christen’s head and curled her knees up, so they were full-on spooning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin tried not to panic at what she had just done, about if she had just crossed some line with Christen. She relaxed when all of her worries were eased by Christen nuzzling further into Tobin’s arm that was tucked under her neck, the night’s events finally catching up to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin breathed deeply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen eventually couldn’t fight the weight of her eyelids and gave in to slumber, even though she was mesmerized by the feeling of Tobin’s thumb gently tracing small patterns on her stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As her breathing became more even, Tobin let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. If this was what it would be like to fall asleep next to Christen every night, Tobin was all in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She drifted off not much longer, rain still tapping steadily on the outside of the cabin and thunder rumbling quietly. Song lyrics and the image of Christen dancing in the rain replayed on loop in her mind until she fell asleep, holding Christen through the night.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi :) I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy! The song in this chapter is "Roadkill" by the 1975 which has been on repeat for the last few weeks so I thought it was only fair to include it somewhere in this work. Please leave kudos and comments (I love hearing what you guys have to say), thank you for all of your support on this work!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. I don't want a life that I can't have</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>If you told Tobin Heath a few weeks ago that she’d be waking up next to the most gorgeous woman she’d ever seen in her entire life after only a week of knowing her, she would have laughed in your face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But sure enough, the morning eventually rolled around, and Tobin woke before Christen, slowly opening her eyes and trying to figure out where the hell she was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t long until she realized that her arm was still loosely draped around Christen’s waist, only this time Christen was turned and facing Tobin, face only about half a foot away. And that’s when the panic began to set in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not because she didn’t want to be here with Christen, not because she didn’t love the feeling of Christen’s soft breath on her face and watching her chest rise and fall with her mouth slightly parted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If she was being honest with herself, she loved being so close to Christen, where she could see all of the flaws that the woman didn’t have. She was afraid because she wasn’t used to feeling like this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She never, never ever felt herself drifting towards someone like she was with Christen. She had never been so compelled to find out everything there was to know about a person like she wanted to with Christen. Usually, she wouldn’t be caught dead with actual feelings.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was something Alex usually called her out on. Tobin? With actual, genuine feelings? For another person? For everyone who knew her, it seemed virtually impossible. Unheard of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin breathed deeply, trying to ignore the way her throat tightened and missing what it felt like to breathe clearly for a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She glanced around, looking at the room. According to the light that poured in through the slits in the shades that covered the window, Tobin assumed that the storm must have passed overnight. The light was such a stark contrast to the complete and total darkness they’d fallen asleep in, and Tobin’s eyes had trouble adjusting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But when they did, she slowly scanned the four walls around herm while propped up on one elbow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She noticed a pile of clothes stacked up in one corner of the room, next to a modest row of beat up tennis shoes and a pair of cleats that looked like they’d seen a few years. Nothing hung on the walls, except for a small dreamcatcher hung on the corner of the headboard and jackets on the coat hanger adjacent to the door. Books sat on top of each other on the edge of the nightstand, almost looking like they’d topple over onto the floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin scanned some of the titles. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, Small Great Things, Half of a Yellow Sun, </span>
  </em>
  <span>none of which Tobin recognized. She was never much of a reader herself, anyway. She continued to go down the stack, smiling when she read the spine of one entitled </span>
  <em>
    <span>You Are a Badass</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe she’d have to check that one out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she finally finished observing the room and her eyes reached the sleeping human in front of her, Tobin was taken aback by the absolute look of peace on Christen’s face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The usual wrinkle of concern between her eyebrows was gone. Her hair was an absolute mess and strewn about around her head, framing her face perfectly even though one of her cheeks was squashed into the pillow. And to think that Tobin thought Christen was all joy and soft hugs and sweet smiles before. This was a whole new beauty that Tobin felt so lucky to see. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin stilled as Christen stirred softly, holding her breath and praying to God that the dark haired woman wouldn’t wake up, praying that she could just savor the moment, just for another minute. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Part of her wasn’t ready to leave, like Christen was silently tugging on her heartstrings to stay, to wrap her back up in Tobin’s arms and stay there forever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But another part of her really, really, did not want to be on the receiving end of Christen’s grumpiness once she woke up and realized how hungover she was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin again was stunned by Christen’s beauty, blinking a few times to make sure that the woman was real. The light reached through the window and caressed her face, highlighting various places.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin breathed deeply, smelling Christen’s scent on the sheets. Christen smelled like fresh rain, like leftover campfire from the night before, like home. Her breath caught in the back of her throat for a moment. The realization was startling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen was beautiful at all times, but somehow her beauty here, messy and in a deep, deep sleep, was even more overwhelming. Maybe it was the serenity, maybe it was the combination of the light leaking into the room, maybe Tobin was just exhausted from the night before. But the bottom line was that Christen was undoubtedly and objectively beautiful, and that was something Tobin couldn’t ignore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin almost went as far to say that she was the most beautiful thing she’d seen in her whole life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But that wasn’t fair, not really. Tobin had traveled the globe, seen four of the Seven Wonders of the world, climbed mountains and swam deep in oceans, and spent so much of her life abroad. But Christen didn’t even compare. Even her soul was beautiful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Tobin’s throat threatened to close completely. She hadn’t had such strong feelings for someone since… well, ever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt like she knew Christen, even though she knew close to nothing about the dark-haired woman. And the scary thing was that Tobin was dying to know more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She found oxygen once again as soon as she closed her eyelids, willing herself to be anywhere else instead of drowning in her feelings.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead, she slipped out of the bed as quietly as she could, careful to not step hard on the specifically creaky floorboards to avoid waking Christen as she stepped out of the woman’s clothes and into her own from the night before that she had left out to dry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shuffled through the toiletry kit on top of the dresser for a moment, cringing because she didn’t want to invade Christen’s privacy, but eventually found a bottle of ibuprofen that she left on the nightstand alongside Christen’s half empty water bottle.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin was never one to allow herself to feel. Whenever she started to feel something creep back up, she pushed it down with as much force as her willpower would allow. And this was no different. She decided then and there that couldn’t let anything with Christen happen again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen barely even knew Tobin. And if she were to find out who she really was, the things she’d done in her life and the mistakes she’d made along the way, Tobin was afraid that Christen would never look at her the same way. Wouldn’t be able to see past it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn’t matter how much Tobin yearned. She knew that whenever something good came along or happened to her, she’d do something to fuck it up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took one last look at Christen, making sure she was alright, and slipped out the door silently and headed towards her own cabin, deciding to go assess the damage the storm did to her room, hoping it wouldn’t be a complete disaster.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen blinked a few times without fully opening her eyes, slowly coming into consciousness. Judging by the light that illuminated behind her closed eyelids, it was morning, and she’d just had the deepest night of sleep she’d ever had.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mind was cloudy, and Christen was truly worried that if she allowed herself to be fully awake, the hit-by-a-bus feeling she was currently experiencing would only be amplified. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead, she let herself relax for a moment, before her eyes flew open and she shot up in realization, looking over to the other half of the bed only to find it empty, and cold to the touch when she reached out to brush a hand over she crumpled sheets.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She flopped backwards with a sigh, groaning with her hands over her eyelids. Memories from the night before came rushing back in full force, her mind taking a moment to get oriented with a newfound consciousness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin stayed the night. In her bed. And now she wasn’t here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, God.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rolling over to face the digital clock, Christen realized it was still pretty early in the morning. She listened for a moment to the birds singing outside, allowing herself to wallow in her embarrassment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She blushed, remembering the way they danced in the rain, the way Tobin held her as she fell asleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, that was definitely something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sighed again, bringing the sheets above her head, wanting the covers to wrap her up and help her forget all of her embarrassment. She hoped she hadn’t said anything too bad, anything that would have given her true feelings away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her head pounded as she surrendered to the ache in her chest, knowing she needed to get her day going and practically drown her insides in water to make her feel somewhat normal again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She cursed her careless and innately-low alcohol tolerance as she slipped on some fresh clothes, throwing her hair up into a bun to head down to the bathrooms, knowing she wouldn’t have enough time for breakfast that morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of wasting any more time, she sped through her routine and jogged down to the field where Tobin was already leading warmups for the team that was currently in two single-file lines.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit,” Christen started, apology already flying out of her mouth as soon as she got within Tobin’s earshot. “My bad. I didn’t realize what time it was.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin chuckled slightly. “Drank a little too much last night, eh? Are you feeling alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you could say that,” Christen replied through a yawn, reaching her arms up in the air to stretch. She watched the girls jog back and forth on the field. “I’m feeling… alive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, I honestly didn’t think you would.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. “How did you sleep?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A blush rose to Tobin’s cheeks as Christen looked over at her. She seemed to shift uncomfortably before answering.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh… yeah, I mean–I slept fine,” Tobin decided, awkwardly turning away from Christen and focusing on the team, watching the girls run tirelessly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, good,” Christen said. “I was worried, I mean… you left so early this morning.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin cleared her throat and bounced on her toes. “Well, yeah, I just…” she began, swallowing her embarrassment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen furrowed her eyebrows, confused at Tobin’s strange body language and change of pace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nevermind. Nothing, it’s nothing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the first training session of the day proceeded as usual, Christen’s interactions with Tobin were anything but normal. Their chemistry seemed to have disappeared, the easy back and forth of ideas completely stopped, and the habits and routines they formed over the past weeks seemed altogether disrupted. Their communication was completely off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen was frustrated, to say the least. Every time she tried to communicate with Tobin, the woman either wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t respond in the way she often did, or wouldn’t hear her altogether. Their rhythm that they’d fallen into seemed like it was never there in the first place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen’s mind reeled. Was it something she had done the night before? Something to make Tobin uncomfortable? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever it was, they were going to need to figure it out if they wanted everything to go smoothly for the rest of the week.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin was shutting her out again, just as Christen felt like they had finally connected, finally somewhat admitting their obvious feelings for each other. The tension was resolved, and literally overnight, it was all torn down, Tobin’s walls constructed back up once again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the rest of the training, Christen had to bite back her attitude, her urge to snap at Tobin, to ask her directly what the hell was going on. Instead of giving into her aggressive impulses, she decided to drop it, at least for a few hours, when they could talk alone. In private.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They exchanged barely any words in the hours that followed, until it was finally mid-afternoon, seated with the group in the cafeteria. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen peeled her oranges, eyes scanning the room for the familiar honey-eyed woman who was taking her time to get over to the table. As Kelley and Sonnett rambled on and on about some story Christen couldn’t care less about, she spotted Tobin casually walking over with a tray in her hand, taking a seat next to Sonnett without so much as looking at Christen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What, were they in high school again or something? Christen felt her blood boil at Tobin’s pettiness and apparent lack of respect. They were adults, and Christen wished that Tobin would act like one and tell her to her face what was going on, instead of just avoiding her awkwardly. She felt a pang in her chest, missing her and Tobin’s usual banter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Psst,” Christen whispered, kicking Tobin’s shin softly under the table to get her attention. When Tobin’s head snapped up from her food, eyes wide, Christen gave her a dramatic shrug with her two hands extended, asking what the hell was going on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Tobin said, oblivious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is going on with you? It’s like I could barely reach you out there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?” Tobin said, forking another bite of her food, not giving Christen her full attention.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I don’t know. Ignoring me, discrediting my ideas in front of the team, you know. The way we literally exchanged no words for the last few hours when we’re supposed to be working together?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin’s eyebrows knit together, either really confused or really good at pretending like she was. Christen bit the inside of her lip, softening at Tobin’s expression, remembering the way Tobin held her through the night, making sure she was warm and cared for. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, that was kinda harsh,” Christen apologized, crossing her arms and leaning back from the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you think?” Tobin gawked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever was going on between them, Christen was not liking it. Her eyes narrowed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen. Can we just talk? Sometime soon, like in private? I feel like we need to figure this out,” Christen sighed, resting her elbows on the table and looking directly into Tobin’s unreadable eyes. Tobin just stared at her with a blank expression.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess. If you think that’s really necessary,” Tobin shrugged, putting her napkin on her plate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Christen could come up with some witty response to Tobin’s nonchalance, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around on the bench, meeting Julie’s eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All of Christen’s frustration faded as soon as she saw Julie, who had a stern look on her face and beckoned Christen to follow her out of the cafeteria and to someplace private.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mind raced at what this could possibly be about as she stood up from the group after Julie turned around, giving an unknowing shrug to the group who had gone silent as soon as they saw Christen and Julie’s interaction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as she stepped out of the cafeteria doors, she saw Julie standing with her hands on her hips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhm,” Christen stuttered, wiping her hands off on her sweatshirt. “What’s up?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not in trouble, Press,” Julie said, reassuring Christen who looked worried as ever. Christen visibly relaxed, shoulders dropping a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay,” she said, still confused at what Julie had to tell her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just serious, and I want you to think about this. And I know you, Press. As soon as I tell you this, you’re probably going to think I’m crazy, and you’re gonna say no, but–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, for the love of god, please just tell me,” Christen interrupted, eyes widening as she realized that was probably not the most professional way to ask her boss to just spit it out. Julie chuckled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright, fine. I have this friend, up in the Pacific Northwest, I’m not entirely sure where, but I can find out if you’re interested. He just started his own physical therapy and athletic training practice and he asked me if I would recommend someone he could hire to help him get started, also doubling as an opportunity to get to know the ropes of the industry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were the first person who came to mind, obviously, but I contemplated it for a while because I know how much you love this place. And I definitely need you here, but I think you deserve an opportunity like this. And don’t worry about not having a masters or whatever, he doesn’t need anyone with a bunch of experience. He mentioned some fantastic graduate program that you could easily enroll in while working with him if you wanted to pursue a career more seriously in the field, you know? I know they’d love a Stanford undergrad,” she joked. “You don’t have to decide anything now, but I just wanted to let you know, just in case you’re interested,” Julie finished, searching Christen’s eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She extended her hand and placed it on Christen’s shoulder reassuringly before turning and walking away, leaving a shocked Christen standing alone with her mouth completely agape.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was the middle of her junior year, and Christen strutted down the central walk of campus, with one destination in mind. She focused on putting one foot after the other, not letting anything distract her until she had gotten this one thing done and put behind her. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She threw open the door to a building she had never entered before, finding the office she wanted to go to and double checking the room number on a slip of paper before knocking on the door three times. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A tall man opened the door after a moment, adjusting his tie as he looked down at Christen, who readily stuck out her hand.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hi, I’m Christen Press,” she said confidently, meeting the man’s eyes. “I’m here to change my major.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Christen, as a young high school senior and new adult, had chosen to major in something she thought would be on the easier side of things for her personal abilities, and something she could balance with playing full time for the soccer team. But after her injury and immense difficulty with it in the aftermath, including being dropped from the team, the last thing she wanted to do was pursue a career in economics, something she had no interest in.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As soon as she came to terms with the fact that she’d probably never play professional soccer, she trudged her way down to the office to meet with the Career Counselor, to finally take control of her own life, to take a risk, to figure out one thing for herself that was physically tangible.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Once the man had closed the door behind her, they sat down as the counselor dug up her file, flipping through the pages, scanning each one with a concerned face. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Alright, so you want to switch from Econ to what?” the counselor asked, not looking up from the file.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. I know it’s kind of late in my time here, but I need a change and a completely different career path.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And why is that? You’re excelling in all of your classes.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Christen bit her lip, deciding to be honest. “I thought I was going pro for soccer, but the team dropped me after I got injured, so now I need a backup plan.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The man looked up, still holding one of the pages in his hands. “What were you thinking?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I want to do something with human sciences, maybe pursue a career in physical or occupational therapy?” she said, closing her eyes for a brief moment to prepare herself for the worst.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The counselor humphed, flipping the page over in his hands. “We don’t normally do this, especially switching from one college to another. Humanities to science is a pretty big jump, you know that?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes, sir,” Christen replied promptly, fingers crossed under the table.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And if you choose to pursue a career in that type of field, it’s going to require graduate schooling.”</span>
  </em>
  <em></em>
  <span></span><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes, sir.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I might have to pull some strings, but I don’t see why a student like you shouldn’t be able to switch, even if it is this late. I’ll keep you posted, Miss Press, but don’t get your hopes up. I’ll try to get you into our athletic training major track, if that works for you?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes, please, that sounds amazing.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Christen stood up, having to suppress a squeal and jump of excitement. She smiled, extending her hand. “I promise I won’t let you down.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Christen walked out of the heavy door that day with a newfound motivation to succeed, a new appreciation for education, new excitement about life itself. She saw a future for herself this time, one where she could help young athletes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She didn’t know what it was. If it was the unfamiliar sense of motivation, the excitement of taking her life back, the feeling of having an actual direction, or even the confidence that came from finally doing something for herself and herself only. She just knew that she made a decision and was going to make the best out of it. Make a living out of it, even.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Next thing she knew, she was seated in anatomy and physiology classes, calculus and biology classes instead of the regular comparative literature and microeconomics courses she had grown so accustomed to. Though these were far more challenging than one’s she had taken before, she loved getting out of her comfort zone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She loved the challenge, each new one more exciting than the one before. And so Christen graduated with a degree that she actually felt like she could do something with other than play soccer. As soon as she felt the weight of the diploma in her hands, she knew that she had the ability to do whatever she wanted.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But she was still drawn to the game, which is essentially why she chose to work at the camp, to stay so intertwined with it. To feel like she still belonged somewhere, to feel like her old self.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Christen wasn’t her old self anymore, not really. And she wasn’t that upset to see her old self go. She was more confident now, more poised. She had such a polished and optimistic outlook on life itself, so different from that of her old-self, that was held down under the weight of the struggles the world set upon her shoulders. She saw possibilities that she didn’t before, seeked out opportunities she wouldn’t have even dreamed of looking for before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen exhaled, body still frozen in place. Her feet were glued to the floor in the exact spot they stood when Julie walked away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She remembered all the pain, all the suffering she went through after her injury. This was an opportunity to get involved with a career that she dreamed of those years back in college. Christen almost didn’t think it was real, that Julie had just made this all up to mess with her. But she couldn’t think too much about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It all seemed too good to be true.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shaking her head, Christen rid her mind of the overwhelming memories and tried to focus back on the present moment, the vibrant chatter coming from inside the adjacent building. She looked back at Tobin through the window, who was laughing loudly with a wide grin with the other coaches, and Christen rolled her eyes. Of course Tobin would be one to give her the cold shoulder, only to turn around and be completely nice to everyone else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen frowned. She could not for the life of her figure out what the hell was going on with the woman. She willed her feet to carry her back through the doors of the cafeteria to the bench where she sat, but they wouldn’t budge once she had gotten close.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Ali?” she said quietly, putting her hand on the woman’s shoulder once she was close enough, who turned around and looked up at Christen with concern written on her face. Christen bit her lip. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course,” Ali responded, getting up from the bench and telling Ashlyn she’d be back in a few. If there was anyone Christen could talk to about anything, it would be Ali. The woman had always been wise beyond her years. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She led Ali outside of the doors of the cafeteria once again, to the very spot she stood with Julie a few minutes before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dude, I’m totally freaking out,” Christen spilled once the door shut behind Ali. She paced back and forth in short steps, wringing her hands as she looked down at the gravel below her. “Julie just offered me this opportunity–this job, like literally the </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span> job for me, and I don’t know what to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ali crossed her arms, a shocked smile appearing on her face. “What the hell? Congrats, dude!” Ali looked genuinely happy for Christen. That was something she always appreciated. Ali was one of the few people who never got jealous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just working with one of Julie’s friends that just opened up his own practice, you know, for physical therapy and athletic training, I guess? I’d get to learn a bunch from him and get to know the industry, and they have a graduate program at a local university. I mean–Al, do you remember how much I talked about getting my masters?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ali laughed at the memory, clearly remembering Christen’s rambling over the past few years of working together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How could I ever forget?” she joked, reaching out and grabbing Christen’s hands to get her to stop pacing. “You’re stressing me out, Press. Breathe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen listened, pausing mid step to take a deep breath. She exhaled dramatically, and Ali rolled her eyes. “Well,” Ali started with a shrug, dropping Christen’s hands. “Are you gonna take it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I don’t know. I was gonna ask you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ali narrowed her eyes at Christen, trying to think of a way to help her friend. “You wanna know what I think?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen nodded sharply, looking into Ali’s eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re the smartest and most dedicated and most level-headed person I know. And if this opportunity is something you think you wanna pursue, then by all means, go for it. Why not, you know? I know this is so dumb, but you really do only live once,” Ali joked. “But I think that this would be something good for you. You’ve done such amazing things for this camp, and helped so many young players, and you’d still be doing that, in a way I guess. Just in a different way. It’s time for you to do something for yourself,” Ali said honestly, reaching up to squeeze Christen’s slouched shoulder. “And honestly, you’re the only person who can make this decision for you. I’d love for you to stay here, of course, but you have time to think. Did she give you a deadline to give her an answer?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not really, no,” Christen said, reaching up to scratch her forehead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, sleep on it, for sure. This isn’t something you can decide on a whim. You have a home, here,” Ali added, gesturing around her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Christen said, throwing her head back to look at the trees. “I really do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And she was right. This place really was home, to Christen. Her chest ached at the thought of leaving. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t want to leave. She loved the routine, knowing what her days were gonna look like and spending time in the wilderness. But this would be something new, something exciting. An opportunity to have a so-called “real” career, to help in a different way. To make something out of nothing, out of the darkest place she’d ever been.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All of the back and forth made her hangover headache come back full force. She groaned, putting her palms over her eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How the hell am I supposed to make a decision like this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll figure it out,” Ali said without hesitation. Christen smiled with uncertainty, appreciating Ali’s unwavering faith in her. “I promise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen sighed, and Ali patted her shoulder before dropping her hands. “And I’m always here if you want to talk, you know that?” Ali asked, nodding along with Christen. “Seriously, though. We can talk more about this once you’ve thought more. You know how good I am with those pro-con lists. I have one for just about every situation,” Ali joked with a wink. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Christen began, a genuine smile breaking out on her face. “And thank you, Al. Sometimes I just need that extra vote of confidence.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I meant every word that I said,” Ali nodded in understanding. “Anything else weighing you down right now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen looked in through the glass of the building and every cell in her body wished she didn’t as soon as she met Tobin’s sad eyes all the way over at the table. She wondered what the woman was thinking, wondering if she cared what was going on . Nerves swam in Christen’s stomach, and she quickly looked away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She swallowed roughly before looking sheepishly back up at Ali. “Well, Tobin– she’s just being kind of an ass right now, and I don’t really know why. She was being so annoying this morning with the group, and she literally slept over last night and left before I even woke up–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Woah, dude, stop right there,” Ali interrupted, holding a hand out in the air. “Tobin spent the night?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I asked her to stay, remember? Because she didn’t have anywhere else to go for the storm.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, shit. I didn’t even realize you two were gonna be together. If I was paying attention I’d have offered Ashlyn over to you,” Ali said. “Shit, I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s fine. We’re on better terms now,” Christen said. “Or at least I thought we were. Before this morning.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did anything happen between you guys? Before this, I mean,” Ali asked, smirk on her face, knowing full well what she was implying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen remembered the kiss, the dancing in the rain, the way Tobin pulled her closer periodically through the night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope,” she said casually, hoping the blush on her cheeks wouldn’t give her away. “What makes you say that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on, we all see the way you look at each other.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All of the color seemed to leave Christen’s face. Was it really that obvious?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ali chuckled. “I’m kidding, Press. Kind of.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen laughed nervously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna make you talk about it,” Ali continued. “But I’m not stupid. I can see right through you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We just–ugh, I don’t know. Stuff… </span>
  <em>
    <span>happened</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I guess. It doesn’t even matter anymore, because she seems to hate me again,” Christen said, avoiding eye contact. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it too much. If everything I’m getting from her is true, it’s all gonna work out. I’m pretty sure her feelings are mutual,” Ali responded confidently. “I did have my own relationship begin here, you know. I understand what’s going on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen gasped dramatically, hitting Ali’s shoulder gently. “You bitch, I knew it! Spill. Now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ali laughed before confessing all of the recent details of her relationship with Ashlyn, and Christen pushed all of her worries away for the time being, fully invested in the love story Ali was proclaiming right in front of her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was true, she still had plenty of time to think it over, everything Julie and Ali said. Weigh the pros and cons, think and think and think. Sounded simple enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Tobin, of course. She had to think about what was going on between them. Whatever it was, Christen hoped to god that it wouldn’t last long.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Annnnnd we're back. Hope you enjoyed.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. But there's blood on my hands, and my lips are unclean</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Christen was wrong. It did in fact last a while, how Tobin completely ignored any chemistry they previously shared. Longer than Christen would have liked, at least.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was like they had flipped a switch, and they were strangers again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You could see it in the way they acted, the way they communicated. They walked in parallel lines, never crossing paths, but always stuck next to each other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin and Christen danced around each other for weeks, both of them either too proud or too scared to cross that line again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But where even was the line?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s what Christen was wondering for the weeks that followed that one night, the night that Christen apparently did something to irrevocably fuck up their friendship or relationship or whatever the hell it was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The weeks that passed went slowly as ever, and nothing particularly interesting happened. Campers arrived as usual, worked hard for the duration of seven days, and left better players than they were before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mostly everything was the same. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Except for the fact that Christen and Tobin altogether avoided being alone together, except for when it was required, like coaching practices or scrimmages. They went on night hikes and hung out with the other coaches just as they had done before, but only this time Tobin seemed to do everything in her power to avoid Christen’s watchful and observant eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so Christen pounded her feet on the dirt and ran herself into the ground every day, willing her mind to stop reeling for five damn seconds, just long enough so she could breathe clearly without her mind being bombarded with so many unwanted thoughts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She spent meals seated at a different section of the bench, next to some of the coaches she didn’t know as well to avoid having to look at Tobin from across the table. She spent more time with Ali and Kelley, catching up on some quality time they never seemed to get enough of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She threw herself into being the best coach she could possibly be, focused more on yoga, and found herself standing out on the field in the middle of the night again and again and again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But being there didn’t do her much good. Being there made her wish she could go back to the night that she first kissed Tobin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wished Tobin would show up, just like she did that night that seemed like so long ago, and apologize for being so distant. Explain what was going on in her unreachable mind. But more than anything in the entire world, she wished she could feel Tobin’s lips on hers again. It awoke something in her, that feeling. Made her curious for more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Tobin never showed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not at the field, not at Christen’s cabin, not in the cafeteria when Christen stopped by to grab her oranges. Nowhere they would be alone. Christen wondered if that was a deliberate choice, hoping it wasn’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mind raced until she was nauseous whenever she had too much time alone, the feeling of panic setting in about Tobin, about the job, about how she felt like she was losing her sense of purpose again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen was upset at how little they communicated, at how Tobin’s walls were completely reconstructed as soon as Christen thought she began to tear them down. She couldn’t take it anymore, looking at Tobin and having no clue what was going on in her mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Christennnn,” Kelley sang, waving her hand in front of Christen’s eyes to get her attention. “You in there?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Barely,” Christen replied sarcastically, turning her attention to her best friend who she had accidentally tuned out. “What were you saying?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kelley’s mouth pressed into a line as she looked out onto the water. They sat on the edge of the lake, away from campers who were busy getting involved in water fights and swimming far out into the center of the water. “I was just telling you that I might request a trade. To Washington?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Like, D.C.?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Christen breathed, taking in the information while biting off a part of her sandwich. “So, you guys are pretty serious?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked over at Kelley who was entirely focused on a sandwich that was way too big for her hands. Christen’s eyes narrowed a bit, cocking her head at her friend, wondering what this was all about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In college, Kelley was definitely a ladies’ man. Every party they went to, every bar they spent an evening at, and basically every other time they went out in public, Kelley was always talking to women, flirting and touching more intimately than Christen would have liked to witness with her own two eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Most of the time, Kelley even wooed them enough to convince them into go home with her for the night. But she never settled, never had a stable relationship. Maybe a few times, she had flings that lasted a while, but never past three months. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So seeing Kelley so whipped for someone, that was new. And so unlike her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you love her?” Christen asked, curiously observing Kelley’s reaction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Kelley said, smiling without hesitation. “I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen wondered what that would be like. She’d been in a handful of relationships, sure, but could she confidently say she’d been </span>
  <em>
    <span>in love</span>
  </em>
  <span>? She wasn’t sure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look at you,” Christen teased, shoving Kelley with her shoulder. “I’ve never seen you like this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, she is pretty amazing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Amazing enough for you to uproot your entire life and start over somewhere new?” Christen asked, skeptical about if this woman was good enough for Kelley. She always wanted what was best for her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kelley raised her eyebrows, surprised by Christen’s sudden inquisitive and borderline accusatory tone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She breathed deeply before answering. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit,” Christen murmured with wide eyes. “She really broke the streak. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kelley O’Hara streak. She really must be a winner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, please, Chris. There was never a streak.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We both know there was.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, fine,” Kelley relented, relaxing a little. “Well, if </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> had a streak, and now it’s broken, who’s gonna break yours?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen laughed, gawking a little. “What are you talking about? I don’t have one. I never did, as a matter of fact.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, don’t deny it,” Kelley teased before listing off every hookup Christen has had since college, counting on her fingers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen quickly interrupted, not needing to be reminded of some of those flings, but humored by her best friend’s determination to prove her point. “Kell, come on, at least I’ve had relationships that lasted longer than a few months.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kelley shrugged, looking back to the water. “I don’t count your last one. He’s a piece of shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was good until it wasn’t,” Christen shrugged. It was true, for the most part. “Besides, I’m over it now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good. He didn’t deserve you,” Kelley said, wrapping up her sandwich and standing up, brushing the crumbs off of her shorts and bikini top. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen snorted, leaning back on her hands with her legs crossed in front of her. Kelley seriously had zero filter, especially when it came to her opinions on Christen’s relationships.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kelley cleared her throat, and Christen looked up at her to be met with serious looking eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do… I think I know someone. The perfect person to break your streak,” Kelley said, not breaking eye contact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah?” Christen humored her, pretending to care about whatever her friend was about to say. “And who might this perfect person be?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kelley looked around with a hand shading her eyes from the sun. “Oh, I don’t know.” She paused for a moment. “Someone here, actually. You know, name starting with a ‘T’ and ending with an ‘-obin’.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was at that moment that Christen decided she was going to kill Kelley. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, fuck off,” she yelled, jumping to her feet to chase after Kelley who was already knee deep in the water, laughing freely as she tried to escape Christen’s wrath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen laughed too, at her friend’s antics. She always teased Christen like this, always seemed to say things that were embarrassing, making her cheeks turn beet red. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she tackled Kelley and dragged them both under the freezing cold water, she couldn’t help but think that there was a possibility that her friend was right. Maybe Tobin would break the streak. And maybe Christen wanted her to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But not if they weren’t even speaking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Later that night, when Christen felt like too much time had passed of unresolved but completely obvious tension, she found herself at Tobin’s doorstep, knocking sharply three times before stepping back, adjusting the ball under her shoulder, crossing her free arm over her chest for warmth and security.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin seemed to really take her sweet time getting to the door, making Christen’s already high anxiety skyrocket.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the sound of the handle squeaking from the inside reached Christen’s ears, her heart jumped into her throat. The door swung open painfully slow, revealing a tired-looking Tobin who visibly did a double take at the sight of the woman standing on the porch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” Christen squeaked, meeting Tobin’s eyes. She looked beat, hair tousled and clothes wrinkled and clearly dirty. “Can we talk?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin nodded and turned around, grabbing a pair of shoes that she slipped on with ease before standing back at the doorstep with a jacket wrapped around her shoulders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin always managed to look good, regardless of the time or date. That was one of the things about her that simultaneously impressed and irked Christen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen breathed deeply, relieved that Tobin actually agreed to talk to her. She stepped down the stairs carefully, and they walked in silence a good distance apart from each other until they were standing at the middle circle of the field, trees around them illuminated by the light. She dropped the ball at her feet before sitting down, laying on her back and looking up at the stars.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though she spent probably close to an hour pacing the small width of her own cabin practicing what the hell she was going to say, Christen couldn’t get any words out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They existed in silence for a moment, Christen willing the stars to give her strength, willing the words to come out in the way she wanted them to, or even just come out at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She breathed deeply, inhaling the calming mountain air. “I just want–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Christen said, half-surprised and half-wanting Tobin to repeat herself so she could hear it clearly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin chuckled nervously. She pulled the ball back into her body with the bottom of her foot, flicking it up and holding it on the top of her foot for a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen watched, mesmerized as Tobin juggled the ball between her feet in a steady rhythm, Tobin’s hands still in her pockets as usual. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Tobin said again softly, looking down at Christen as she let the ball drop onto the turf. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tobin, I…” Christen started, voice trailing off as she tried to find the words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin breathed deeply as she sat down with crossed legs, fumbling with the ball between her hands. “I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Christen asked, clasping her hands behind her head as she looked at the dark sky.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin seemed to know what Christen was really asking. “It just happens, sometimes. I shut myself off before I even know that I’m doing it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I get that,” Christen responded. “But not even talking to me unless you had to? That hurts, you know? Especially after… after everything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin thought back to the night they stood here. Everything around them was the same, only the situation was entirely different. A sense of guilt panged in her chest, not liking the way Christen’s voice tightened as she spoke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Chris. I really am,” she gulped, knowing she was going to have to do much better than that. “That night, waking up next to you, I seriously just… had never felt so happy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why just choose to ignore me, literally a few hours later? Did I say something to upset you? I really thought we had something, Tobin. That’s not fair.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We did. Have something. I mean… we still do,” she said, looking over at Christen weakly. Her heart sped up as Christen met her eyes. Her shoulder’s visibly sulked, and Tobin cursed herself for making Christen so upset.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you felt so happy, I’m gonna need an explanation. Because normally, when someone is happy, they don’t run and reconstruct all of their walls back up,” Christen muttered with a bit of a bite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin inhaled, knowing Christen didn’t have any malicious intention with her words. They still hit her, probably harder than they should have. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You deserve an explanation, you’re right.” Tobin scratched the back of her neck, knowing this wasn’t gonna be an easy conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, where do I even start,” Tobin wondered out loud, eyes glancing around, trying to find something to focus on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anywhere,” Christen said, settling back on the ground, pulling the hood of her jacket over her head for extra warmth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t currently play soccer, but you could have probably guessed that by now,” Tobin breathed out shakily, earning a grin and a nod from Christen, which gave her the confidence to continue. “I did, actually, play professionally. But Kelley probably told you that, and I’m friends with Alex, and you aren’t stupid, so I assume you connected the dots somewhere.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen smiled at the thought of Tobin’s friendship with Alex, and the memory of Charlie and her various shenanigans throughout the very first week. She turned over, propping herself up on her elbows to look at Tobin who was picking single blades of grass up from the ground. She nodded, raising her eyes to Tobin’s.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My last season wasn’t great, you could say. It didn’t end because of my own choice. I was… let go. Kicked off, however you wanna say it,” she got out, relieved to have that out in the open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Christen asked gently. This was clearly a sore subject for the woman, and she didn’t want to make it any harder on her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I got injured,” Tobin shrugged. “My ankle.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So they just let you go because of that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not really because of that, but because of what I did because of that,” Tobin stuttered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well isn’t that quite the roundabout situation,” Christen joked, trying to ease some of Tobin’s apparent nerves. Tobin smiled a little, and Christen counted that as a victory. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin chuckled, leaning back onto her hands. “Yeah, well. I got injured pretty bad, and I’m sure you understand how hard that is. But getting injured wasn’t the problem. My teammates in Houston were actually really supportive of my recovery, always pushing me to be the best I could be. But my coach… he was the complete opposite. After I was cleared to play again, he just wouldn’t play me, never mind that I was one of the best players on the team and a good leader and role model for the rest of my teammates. In my humble opinion, of course,” she laughed, pausing to figure out how to phrase what she was about to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t want Christen to look at her any differently. Or think of her as lesser than she was, because she was finally in a good place again and wasn’t the same person she was a few months ago. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the base of it all, Tobin had made it through the rough part and saw the light at the end of the tunnel, and that was the version of herself that she wanted Christen to see. Not the one who made some pretty terrible mistakes at rock bottom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was pretty bad. Benched for like, every game for a few months. I had gotten into some pretty bad habits at the time, distanced myself from friends and family and all that bad stuff. Drinking a lot more. So one day, I just snapped. Drank too much, called up my coach, cursed him out with some pretty profane language that I regret and got myself kicked off of the team. I don’t even know what got into me that night, dude. I can’t even begin to explain,” Tobin let out in one breath. She went back to picking the grass as Christen collected her thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen’s sharp and judgemental attitude softened at Tobin’s words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sat in silence again, Christen rolling back onto her back to see the stars. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not gonna judge you for something like that,” Christen said after a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Tobin wondered aloud from behind Christen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “Of course not. I made some really poor decisions during that time in my life, too. I get it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Tobin exhaled, relieved at Christen’s words. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen nodded silently, still not looking at Tobin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What she said was absolutely and undoubtedly true. She had made some really terrible decisions after her injury that she really regretted, so who was she to judge the woman for standing up for herself and trying to get her life back? It was something she never found the courage to do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I actually think that’s pretty brave.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin snorted. “Yeah, right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m being serious,” Christen reassured with a shrug, slight waver in her voice. “What did you even say to him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mm, I’m not sure if you even wanna know. I used pretty colorful language. Do with that what you will,” Tobin hummed, stretching her legs out in front of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen chuckled softly. “Did you at least tell that son of a bitch to go straight to hell?” she asked after a moment, half-kidding but half-really wanting to know the answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You bet your ass I did,” Tobin responded immediately, laughing to herself despite the tenderness she still felt around the situation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perfect,” Christen responded, satisfied with that answer. “So what happened, you got kicked off and then what? You weren’t on a contract or anything?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope,” Tobin agreed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Christen whispered. “That’s fucking… harsh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tobin laughed. “You can definitely say that again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen was speechless. She wished with everything in her power to find words to console the hurting woman seated next to her, patch her wounds up with some sort of reassuring mantra. But Christen didn’t think that would be enough, not this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tried to imagine what it would be like, to lose it all like Tobin did. Of course, she had a similar experience, so she kind of had a sense of how horrible it would be and how difficult it would be to work through, recover from. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In a way, Christen thought Tobin had it worse. Yes, they both had crippling injuries that ended their careers, but Tobin had made it farther in hers, playing professionally in a way that Christen had only dreamed of. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What happened to Christen was horrible, and affected her in more ways than just one back in college and still took its toll on her today. But to be Tobin, and have that taste of the dream, and then have it ripped right from you? That was worse than just never having it at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn, Tobin… I’m sorry,” Christen comforted once she found the words. They weren’t enough, but they’d do for now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she said back. “I’m through all that, now. I decided to put it all in the past and move forward. In a way, it’s given me a lot of opportunities. To see what else is out there. So I came here to get back on my feet, and it’s only been a few months since everything happened, and already I’m starting to… I don’t know, make peace with it all, I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen grinned. “That’s really great, Tobin. Seriously.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She rolled over again, elbows on the ground looking up at the woman’s face that she saw clearer now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just glad Julie took me in. I wasn’t sure if she had heard what happened. She did, unfortunately. Told me that when I called her. But she still gave me this opportunity, which I’m super thankful for.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Julie always sees the best in people,” Christen said, smiling fondly. “Is there any chance you could play again? Like with your injury and stuff,” Christen asked, picking at the grass at her fingertips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin ran a hand through her hair. “I mean, yeah, my ankle healed pretty well. It’s more of a matter of finding a team that hasn’t completely blacklisted me in the league,” Tobin joked, rubbing her thighs for warmth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen took a long exhale, watching the cold air freeze her breath into a cloud of steam for a moment. She wanted so badly to tell Tobin that this was just going to be a blip on the radar, something in her life that would eventually pass, but she couldn’t promise that. “There is a possibility, though, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A slim one, but yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen hummed. “Better than my odds.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin’s face contorted a little, not liking the way Christen spoke about herself. “Do you wanna talk about what happened with you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was Christen’s turn to be the nervous one, reminded of all the pain and terrible times she went through. She appreciated Tobin’s sincerity. It had been a while since Christen felt like someone actually cared.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s pretty simple, actually,” Christen began, not having the courage to look Tobin in the eye. She focused on the strand of turf she held between her fingers instead, examining it closely. “Got injured, and they didn’t want me back. They didn’t really give me an explanation. But I kind of know why. Why they did it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And why is that?” Tobin asked, head turned slightly in curiosity.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I completely let myself go after it happened. Didn’t focus on recovering fully, got into some bad habits. I just wasn’t enough for them anymore, and they decided they didn’t need me. I let my team down, the school down, and I think the worst part was letting myself down,” Christen explained hesitantly, still finding it difficult to open up and be vulnerable. Tobin just breathed slowly, waiting to speak until Christen was done.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was just so uncharacteristic of me. I always worked hard, got back on the horse, but then… I didn’t. I just feel like I’m not gonna do anything with my life now, you know? It was soccer, literally just soccer, for so long. And I feel like I’m nothing without it,” Christen continued, realizing that maybe this was a part of the reason she was so hesitant to take the job. It would mean she was stepping away from the game in such a direct way, and that really scared her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, first of all, you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> nothing without soccer. Soccer is a part of you, not all of you. Second of all, you do amazing things here and you need to give yourself some more credit, Chris. Seriously,” Tobin argued, sighing at the end.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A blush creeped onto Christen’s cheeks at Tobin’s words, and she thanked god that it was dark out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe Tobin was right. She did do some pretty great things here, working her way up to being leader of not only the kids, but building a reputation amongst the coaches as one of the most respectable and knowledgeable of them all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t want to tell Tobin about the job offer, though, not yet. She still needed time to think it over, and she wanted to make this decision on her own. Without any outside opinion or influence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, maybe. I like it here, I guess. It’s just me and my yoga and my friends and my books and the game,” Christen said with a genuine smile. Every time she reminded herself of the things she was grateful for, she couldn’t ever imagine leaving this place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And learning how to be a badass?” Tobin said with a smirk that was visible in the dark. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen raised her eyebrows. “You saw my books, I take it. God, you’re creepy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just for a minute. Didn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> about reading it, don’t worry. I’m not a book person.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should be. It might give you something to do other than torment me. Give you some peace that you can come back to during times of frustration,” Christen said sarcastically, pulling more grass out of the ground. “When is the last time you read a book?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A real book?” Tobin asked like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world. “Never. I don’t think I even fully read one of the books I was assigned in any english class I’ve ever taken. The only one I own that I bring places is the Bible.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re religious?” Christen asked, a little surprised. She didn’t pin Tobin as someone who would be involved in any sort of religion, but now that she really thought about it, it made sense. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, raised in a Catholic family. Kind of a nightmare when everyone found out I was gay, but in a way it kind of brought me closer to God.” Christen saw the smile on Tobin’s face as she spoke. “In college I really grew in my faith. But I don’t really identify with any specific denomination under Christianity anymore, though. More just spiritual, like an individual connection with God and stuff, if that makes any sense.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It does. And yeah, that sounds like a nightmare, everyone finding out. I can’t even imagine. My family wasn’t even religious but everyone was so surprised when I brought this girl home from college,” Christen explained, remembering the shock on her sister’s face. She laughed a little at the memory. “I think that’s really cool, Tobin. So maybe you are more well-read than I thought.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eh, probably not. But thanks for the confidence, anyway,” Tobin said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen added “religious” to her mental list of amazing things Tobin was. It was up there among “good with kids” and “brave”, now. Christen smiled to herself as a comfortable silenced enveloped them. It was comfortable, being there with Tobin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin cleared her throat. “Thanks. For being open. I know how hard that is. And I’m sorry for shutting you out. I just didn’t even want to know if you’d look at me differently, after you found out about what I’ve done. I do that more than I’d like to admit. I get too close to someone, and I just bail. But I swear, Chris, I didn’t mean to hurt you. And I don’t ever wanna do that again. Not with you,” Tobin said. “And I know that’s no excuse for ignoring you and treating you like shit, but I hope you can forgive me. It would mean a lot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I forgive you,” Christen replied without hesitation. “I just was upset because we had something and then we didn’t,” she suggested, shrugging her shoulders and pursing her lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We definitely have </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Tobin joked, wiggling her eyebrows in a way that made Christen roll her eyes. She laughed softly, murmuring something under her breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a moment, Christen sat up and rotated her body so her knees almost touched Tobin’s, noticing the way Tobin leaned back a little, surprised by how close the woman suddenly was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen studied Tobin’s face, seeing the woman in a new way, now. But not in the way Tobin feared. She saw a different side of her, more vulnerable and open and real. Tobin shared a part of herself that was still healing, and Christen admired that. Christen blushed shyly as her eyes met Tobin’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had those kind of eyes that could see right through someone, see who they really were. Christen had always been one to see a person for who they were in the moment, rather than focus on what happened in the past. Mistakes were futile, and a part of life that everyone had to experience. Based on the way Tobin talked about this small part of her past, Christen thought it seemed like she really was learning from the experience. And that’s what really mattered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t like you the first day we met,” Christen blurted out before her mind could catch up. Tobin snorted, leaning back on her hands with her eyebrows raised as if she was waiting for an explanation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Or, like, for the first week, honestly,” she continued, only making it worse for herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Tobin responded with a shrug. “I’m told I can be kind of an asshole, sometimes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen laughed at that. It clearly was a common trend, and she was glad she wasn’t the only one to say it right to her face. “You could say that again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What can I say? I get nervous around pretty girls and it’s my only defense mechanism.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why the hell would you need a defense mechanism against pretty girls? Isn’t being an ass, like, pretty girl deterrent?” Christen asked, ignoring the reference Tobin had made. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe, but I mean… look at you and me. It seemed to work out pretty well, yeah?” Tobin teased, stretching her arms above her head before clasping them together in her lap. Christen scoffed, still surprised every time Tobin said something cocky. “I still happened to get you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She thought she’d be used to it by now, but Tobin seemed to be full of surprises. “You didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>get</span>
  </em>
  <span> me,” Christen scoffed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm,” Tobin hummed, and through the darkness Christen could see her face feign contemplation for a moment. “Well,” she said, sitting up and leaning towards Christen, eyes flicking down to her lips and back up. “Maybe I should try to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen shrugged, pretending to be indifferent. She leaned in a little, matching the woman’s energy, but before Christen knew what was happening, Tobin abruptly stood up and grabbed the ball. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She began to juggle again, interrupting the fleeting moment of tension. Christen stared at her in awe, more confused than she’d ever been in her entire life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, you’re so annoying,” Christen complained as she defeatedly flopped back on the ground, arms splayed out beside her as she surrendered to Tobin’s endless shenanigans.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Am I?” Tobin teased, as she lowered herself to her knees near Christen’s feet, still with a ball in hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you are, actually,” Christen mused, sitting up and crossing her legs in front of her. She reached out with both hands, grabbing Tobin’s waist gently, pulling her closer. Tobin’s heart sped up at the unexpected change of pace of the conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen gulped down her nerves at how close Tobin was, pausing for a moment with their faces close with the same stupid grin, finding herself in the same situation she was those few weeks ago. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But that doesn’t make me like you any less,” she mumbled, moving a hand to the back of Tobin’s neck and pulling her in, confident but gentle as their lips met. Christen was paralyzed with fear, nervous that her boldness wasn’t going to work out the way she wanted it to. Until Tobin hummed against Christen’s lips, prompting Christen to deepen the kiss. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen exhaled, a sense of relief washing over.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin pulled back after a moment with wild eyes, both of them slightly breathless, butterflies surging in Christen’s insides.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t stopped thinking about you, not since the day we met,” Tobin murmured, shaking her head. Christen felt the woman’s hot breath on her face. “I just need you to know that. These past few weeks have been torture.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. And I haven’t either. Haven’t stopped thinking about you.” Christen let her eyes roam Tobin’s perfect face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin locked eyes with Christen and leaned in again, pausing to give Christen a chance to stop her, but when she didn’t, Tobin closed the distance again, kissing her slowly and marvelling at the way Christen’s hands roamed her body from her face to her neck to her hips to under the hem of her shirt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those were the words Christen needed to hear from Tobin. To know her pining hadn’t been a one way thing, to know that Tobin had spent days thinking about her just as Christen had, even losing sleep over it on some nights.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After spending a few moments intertwined in each other, the kiss becoming more desperate, Tobin pulled back suddenly, Christen frowning at the sudden loss of contact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everything okay?” Christen murmured, concerned at the look on Tobin’s face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, just… I–you said you like me?” Tobin squeaked. Christen rolled her eyes in endearment. Tobin managed to be the most confident but doubtful person, all at the same time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin looked back at her with the most dopey looking grin on her face. “You’re not gonna go crazy on me, are you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen hummed and shrugged a little. “No promises.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobin’s eyes lit up even in the darkness. “I like you too, for the record.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great,” Christen began, running her hand through the hair on the back of Tobin’s head, enjoying the way the woman shivered a little. “Because it would be really embarrassing if you didn’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christen brought Tobin closer again, and as their lips met softly this time, and a realization surged in Christen’s chest: she wasn’t going to want to kiss anyone else ever again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Christen cursed Kelley from afar, because maybe, just maybe, Kelley was right. Maybe Tobin would be the one to break the tradition.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Things are finally looking up for these two :). Are you ready?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Your sweet disposition, my wide eyed gaze</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Christen really thought she’d be able to keep it a secret for long enough. </p><p> </p><p>In days following their most recent middle-of-the-night conversation, Christen spent long hours in the day and night by Tobin’s side, appreciating that they had eventually resolved their problems. </p><p> </p><p>She tried to keep it professional, though. For the most part.</p><p> </p><p>She set ground rules for herself to follow, knowing that if she didn’t, she might slip up and reveal that her and Tobin were a thing to the campers, or worse, her friends.</p><p> </p><p>Of course the campers knowing would be kind of a big problem, especially because they worked together 24/7, but more importantly, the group of coaches at the camp were known to never let things go. Especially, rumors of a relationship.</p><p> </p><p>When Kelley suspected that Ali had been involved with Ashlyn, she made sure to make Ali’s life a living hell. Until Ali got sick of it and finally admitted it. </p><p> </p><p>And even to this day, Kelley won’t let it go, teasing the two every single chance she got, getting the rest of the group in on all the jokes. Ali always pretended to be annoyed at Kelley’s antics, but Christen had a theory that she actually enjoyed it because she got to see Ashlyn blush, something she rarely did.</p><p> </p><p>So Christen wasn’t too keen on Kelley finding out just yet. </p><p> </p><p>A large part of her liked the secrecy of it all, stealing kisses around corners and in empty spaces, feeling like what she had with Tobin was special. Just for the two of them. </p><p> </p><p>But moreover, she just didn’t want Kelley to think she was right about her and Tobin all along.</p><p> </p><p>So to keep it a secret, the strategy went as so: they kept their comfortable distance during the day, not standing too close to one another, only flirting when they were sure they were alone, Christen sneaking into Tobin’s cabin some nights late after everyone was asleep, always making sure the coast was fully and completely clear.</p><p> </p><p>And so far, that strategy was working.</p><p> </p><p>Christen sat herself down on her mat, on a flatter part of the lakeside beach that was more like pebbles and scattered bits of sand more than anything else. She sat with her legs crossed and breathed deeply the early morning mountain air, laying her arms out on her knees, palms facing upward. </p><p> </p><p>She forced herself to focus on all of the usual mountain sounds for a few minutes: the chirping of the birds, rustling of the trees, gentle lap of the water up against the rocks that lined the lake.</p><p> </p><p>After what felt like forever, Christen opened her eyes to the surrounding beauty that never seemed to get old. </p><p> </p><p>She let her mind wander as she went through the motions of her yoga routine, running through the schedule for the day as her body stretched and folded into different positions.</p><p> </p><p>Christen always thought of yoga as a way to wake her body and mind. To reconnect and sync the two back together, especially to ground her in tumultuous and stressful times. To get her head back on straight, her priorities in a line. It was a way for her to remind herself that she was in control of her own life. Of her own actions and thoughts. </p><p> </p><p>For someone whose mind always wanted to run and run and run, with yoga, Christen was remarkably patient. </p><p> </p><p>She never felt the need to rush through it or to get it over with. She relished in the peacefulness and pure tranquility of it all, which wasn’t something many people in her life could do. Other than her sister, every significant other or friend or family member that she dragged to a yoga class swore they’d never step foot in a studio again. She didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.</p><p> </p><p>Nevertheless, Christen stuck to her routine, run three days a week and do yoga for the remaining four. If there was one thing Christen was, it was consistent. </p><p> </p><p>So she had her routines. And her strategies with Tobin to avoid exposing themselves. And her habits and traditions and morning rituals. It was all in her control.</p><p> </p><p>What wasn’t in her control, though, was how shocked she was when Tobin scared the shit out of her when she was in the midst of the most zen part of her yoga routine. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly hearing the word “boo” whispered in her ear as her eyes were fully closed wasn’t something she was expecting, so obviously, she reacted like every other rational person on this earth would do. </p><p> </p><p>She let out the most ear-piercing, blood-curdling scream her lungs could muster as she jumped to her feet faster than she thought possible, before Tobin slapped a hand over the woman’s mouth to stifle it.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, Chris, shhh,” Tobin said through her bellowing laugh, hand on her stomach as Christen tried to calm her erratic heartbeat. “Someone’s gonna hear you!”</p><p> </p><p>Christen snapped her head over as soon as she composed herself enough to give Tobin the scariest death-glare she could muster, stomping towards her with an angry disposition.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh shit,” Tobin said, voice going quiet as she realized she might have actually upset Christen. She backed up a little with her palms out, trying to calm Christen down before the woman actually killed her. “Chris,” she giggled, “I’m sorry. I am. I swear I’ll never pull something like that again.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen ignored the apology until she had backed Tobin into a tree that wasn’t far from where they originally stood. She pushed Tobin until she was up against the stiff bark, hand lightly on her chest. Tobin grabbed Christen’s hips with a smirk on her face, now that she wasn’t so caught off guard.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” Tobin murmured sheepishly, amused by Christen’s anger. She found it adorable.</p><p> </p><p>Christen puckered her lips and tilted her head back and forth like she was trying to decide Tobin’s fate, before deciding on just kissing the woman instead. Christen sighed into the kiss, a smile emerging as she pulled back. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin was sweaty, looking like she had just run a marathon, attractive nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” Christen chirped, like nothing had happened at all. Like she hadn’t just pretended to be angry with the woman in front of her. </p><p> </p><p>Christen draped her arms around Tobin’s neck loosely, the two just looking at each other with stupid grins on their faces. </p><p> </p><p>“I knew I would find you here,” Tobin said, leaning forward and burying her face in Christen’s neck, breathing in her scent.</p><p> </p><p>“What, are you stalking me now?” Christen joked, tangling her hands in the back of Tobin’s hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope.” Christen could feel Tobin’s smile against her skin. “I just missed you.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been, like…” Christen began, stepping slowly out of the hug and pretending to check a watch on her wrist. “12 hours.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, 12 hours too long,” Tobin said, nodding like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Christen laughed lightly.</p><p> </p><p>Twelve hours felt like a lifetime away from Tobin. </p><p> </p><p>“I missed you too,” Christen said honestly, pecking Tobin quickly on the lips before prying Tobin’s hands away from her hips. “But I really gotta get this done.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin pouted. “But I just got here. Can’t we just… you know, stay for a while? Here? Together?” she asked sweetly, reaching out for Christen’s waist again. Christen cursed the woman’s charm. It was definitely working on her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, tempting,” Christen hummed. “But no. Weren’t you just in the middle of a run?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, yeah… no… I don’t know. Chris, come on, please just let me–”</p><p> </p><p>“Shhh. Silence.” Christen put a finger over Tobin’s lips, cutting her off mid sentence. After a moment, Tobin surrendered and listened in anticipation to whatever Christen was about to offer with eyebrows raised in question.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll tell you what. If, and only if, you can stay quiet for an entire fifteen minutes, I’ll let you sit next to me until I’m finished,” she offered, laughing when Tobin nodded feverishly with no hesitation, before pulling her in for another quick kiss. </p><p> </p><p>Christen took Tobin’s hand that was still at her side and pulled her down to where her mat was near the water, forcing Tobin to sit on the sand even after she complained about it getting in her shoes.</p><p> </p><p>She resumed her yoga routine where she’d left off, finding it a little more difficult knowing Tobin was probably watching her every move. But she kept her eyes closed, her head down. She wasn’t going to let Tobin distract her. </p><p> </p><p>After a full five minutes of complete silence from Tobin, Christen was impressed that the woman was able to control herself and be quiet, just like she had promised. Suspicious, Christen slightly opened one of her eyes to see what was going on beside her.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s neck was craned towards the sky as she sat cross legged in the sand, shoes abandoned completely and set beside her. Her eyes were closed and she looked completely at peace with the world around her.</p><p> </p><p>Satisfied with what she found, she closed her eyes again and exhaled deeply, moving into her next position, fully focused on herself and her body. </p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t fight the lingering smile and overwhelming feeling of gratitude she felt, though, for the woman seated beside her. She felt so unbelievably lucky. Christen almost had to pinch herself to see if it was real. </p><p> </p><p>It was.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Christen squinted through the mid afternoon sun that blazed through the mountain air, holding up a hand to actually be able to see what was happening on the field. </p><p> </p><p>It was the weekly scrimmage between Christen and Kelley’s respective teams, and much to Christen’s surprise, Kelley’s group seemed to be dominating the game so far. </p><p> </p><p>Christen stood in the center circle next to Kelley, Tobin, and Ali, all four of them deciding they’d play with their teams to make things more exciting, but none of them felt compelled enough to exert the effort it would take to step out of the circle.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, they all took to their different roles. Christen directed her team with a loud and demanding voice, Tobin received and passed the ball with ease, hands on her hips. Ali wouldn’t stop jumping up and down as she watched the girls play, and Kelley stood still and focused, pursing her lips in concentration. </p><p> </p><p>“Coach, can you please help us? We’re getting crushed,” a defeated voice said from behind as Christen felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. Christen turned around to find that it was one of the more skilled players asking this question. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, Press. We kind of are getting destroyed,” Tobin said nonchalantly, urging Christen to help the girls out without wanting to do anything herself, </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Christen asked, nodding at the girl and beginning to step out of the circle. “Alright. I see how it is.”</p><p> </p><p>After she had run her fair share of sprints up and down the field and after playing literally four different positions, Christen stood with her hands on her hips doubled over in exhaustion. </p><p> </p><p>“You good?” Tobin teased from a distance, again trapping the ball at her feet and giving a no-look pass to another one of the players, who almost instantly turned it over.</p><p> </p><p>“Better than ever,” Christen replied wittily, standing up straight and marching passed Tobin with her chin raised in confidence, tying her hair up into a ponytail. “Wanna make this interesting?” she asked, looking Tobin in the eye, noticing the way the woman’s jaw was slightly ajar. Tobin nodded, mouth too dry to say anything.</p><p> </p><p>Christen smirked. “Kelllllley,” she sang, causing her friend to turn around with the most bored look on her face. “Come play for my team. Let’s switch things up today.”</p><p> </p><p>Kelley was always the first to jump at new things, so her reaction wasn’t surprising to Christen. Her face lit up as she jogged over to Christen, jumping up on her with her hands on Christen’s shoulders. “I thought you’d never ask.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen laughed, taking a moment to look sideways at Tobin who looked completely speechless, jaw opening and closing, until she finally composed herself and got her game face on.</p><p> </p><p>“Looks like I’m with you, Ali?” Tobin asked. Ali nodded in affirmation, cracking her knuckles and stretching her arms over her chest dramatically. </p><p> </p><p>“Let’s do this,” Ali stated simply, backing up to take a center back position, one that she was so familiar with. </p><p> </p><p>Christen smiled, excited for the change in pace. Whoever was going to have to go up against Ali, though, she wished them the best of luck. That woman was literally a brick wall.</p><p> </p><p>What happened in the following minutes was mostly a blur for Christen. </p><p> </p><p>Her and Kelley’s team regained possession again and again, keeping the other team on their toes. They had a few chances at goal, none of the shots on frame or coming close at all. Christen jogged up and down one sideline, waiting for the perfect pass, which never seemed to come. </p><p> </p><p>She groaned each time her team seemed to have a good connection of passes out of the back and up into the midfield, only to lose it at the halfline. </p><p> </p><p>It was impressive, though. The tension that was apparent on the field was at an all time high. Christen would have never thought a simple scrimmage at a summer camp for teenagers could be so intense. </p><p> </p><p>And then the center back had the ball on Christen and Kelley’s team, passing it to an outside player, who passed it to a defending midfielder, who sent literally the most perfect through-ball Christen could have asked for. </p><p> </p><p>Using her speed and agility, she timed her run onto the ball and dodged some of the defending players on the opposite team. She locked eyes with Ali, the next defender she was going to have to face, grinning at the woman’s concentration while plotting her next move. What would it be: crossover, nutmeg, cutback… the list was endless.</p><p> </p><p>Christen was running down the list of options quickly when she heard Kelley literally scream her name as she sprinted into the box, and Christen didn’t hesitate to send the ball in the air into the middle of the eighteen, avoiding Ali altogether. She watched as Kelley’s head connected with the ball with a thump and glided into a top corner of the net. </p><p> </p><p>The first thing she did was look over at Tobin, who had a very impressed look on her face. They locked eyes and smiled, something nobody would notice but the two of them. Tobin gave her a thumbs up, which she returned quickly. </p><p> </p><p>When she looked back at Kelley, she saw the woman throw her arms up in celebration as their team cheered, excited to finally have a score on the board. She proceeded to run over to Christen with her hands out in front of her, how their tradition and handshake started. Christen reluctantly completed the handshake with the hip bump that Kelley had dubbed “iconic” ever since Christen’s very first goal with Stanford.</p><p> </p><p>“We still got it, eh?” Kelley remarked, throwing her arm around Christen’s shoulders as they walked back to their own half. “That looked pretty familiar.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen knew what Kelley was talking about. Her freshman year, working her way up to starting winger and Kelley in the starting striker position, they had practiced and practiced that exact play more times than Christen would remember. Christen laughed breathily, a little tired from the sprint and amused that Kelley would compare their Stanford days to a scrimmage on a random afternoon at a summer camp. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, that’s for sure,” she said anyway, earning a pat on the back from her friend.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t let herself get too down in the memory. </p><p> </p><p>Instead, she looked over her shoulder at Tobin, who stood with one foot on the ball confidently, unfazed by Kelley and Christen’s success.</p><p> </p><p>“Not bad, Press, not bad,” she said, shrugging a little. “But get ready. This isn’t over.”</p><p> </p><p>The wink Tobin sent her almost made Christen’s heart skyrocket, despite her best effort not to let it.</p><p> </p><p>The scrimmage continued, Kelley and Christen hanging back a bit because they had their moment to shine already, and after all, this was literally a kids camp. The kids needed to learn how to play somehow. </p><p> </p><p>But they’d never learn the game if Tobin didn’t stop showing off. Christen had to fight to suppress her laugh every time Tobin went up against her, not being able to take her and her insanely fast footwork seriously.</p><p> </p><p>The way Tobin celebrated every time she successfully got passed Christen was definitely over the top, but if it made Tobin smile like she did, Christen was okay with looking like a complete and utter fool.</p><p> </p><p>Once again Christen was captivated at Tobin’s sheer talent, so confident that it was almost cocky.</p><p> </p><p>After about half an hour of Tobin dribbling around everyone on the field, kicking it into an especially high gear around Christen, Ali called it a day and sent the players on a cool down lap before they could head up for dinner. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin walked over to Christen, holding her hand out for Christen to shake as if they had just played a real game.</p><p> </p><p>Christen shook it reluctantly, rolling her eyes. “Good game, Heath,” she mustered as seriously as she could with her straight face.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s eyes sparkled looking at Christen and her perfect smile, and she held onto the woman’s hand probably longer than she should have. But she couldn't have cared less. </p><p> </p><p>Kelley cleared her throat. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright lovebirds, let’s get a moveon,” Kelley said from behind them, causing them to drop their hands quickly in embarrassment. </p><p> </p><p>Christen wiped hers on her shorts nonchalantly as she forced herself to tear her gaze away from Tobin, hurriedly bending over to pick up the cones near her feet. Tobin scratched the back of her head, too startled to respond to Kelley’s relentless teasing with as much wit as she would have liked to.</p><p> </p><p>They were going to have to be more careful than that.</p><p> </p><p>Once the players had returned from their lap and gathered their bags and cleats, Christen made easy conversation with some of the campers as they walked up the hill towards the cafeteria as the sun began to set behind the horizon of the valley. She was mostly trying to avoid Kelley’s death glare, though. </p><p> </p><p>She’d do anything to avoid that.</p><p> </p><p>She held the door for the campers, high fiving each one of them as they dropped their bags and headed towards the buffet line, stomach twisting with dread with each passing second as Kelley was getting close enough to actually talk to her.</p><p> </p><p>Christen had never really been a confrontational person, not necessarily. Especially not from Kelley, and especially not about a totally-non-existent-all-made-up relationship she was having with a totally-not-another-coach at the camp.</p><p> </p><p>Christen prayed to God that Kelley didn’t know any details about her and Tobin. She had been one of the first to speculate that there might be something going on between them, and the first to call her out on it. But she didn’t want Kelley to think there might be any truth to her words, mostly for Christen’s own sake and mental-wellbeing.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t know if she could handle a lecture from Kelley at that moment.</p><p> </p><p>She held her breath as the last camper clapped her hand with Christen’s, watching out of the corner of her eye as Kelley’s stride came to a stop adjacent to Christen.</p><p> </p><p>Christen looked over slowly, afraid of what she might find. </p><p> </p><p>“Dude,” Kelley said, and Christen should have known this conversation wasn’t one she was going to want to be having. “What the hell was that?”</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell was what?” Christen asked, deciding to play dumb. Kelley narrowed her eyes, and Christen clutched onto the door she was still holding open for dear life. </p><p> </p><p>“Tobin all over you during the game, and after it was over, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe she just wants some equal competition, and she thinks I’m that?” Christen squeaked, her statement coming out more like a question. </p><p> </p><p>“Chris,” Kelley sighed, rubbing her fingers on her temples. “I’m not stupid. And I literally don’t care if you’re dating her, or if you like her, or whatever. You know what I’m gonna tell you.”</p><p> </p><p>Annoyance rushed through her veins. Christen groaned. “We aren’t together,” she mumbled, sticking to her lie.</p><p> </p><p>“And I’m just supposed to believe that?”</p><p> </p><p>Christen nodded, testing the waters. Kelley sighed again.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, if you’re so adamant…” Kelley’s voice trailed off.</p><p> </p><p>“We are not a thing,” Christen stated, more confident this time.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t a lie, not entirely. Technically they weren’t even official.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, fine,” Kelley said. “If you don’t want to tell me, I can wait. You can tell me when you’re ready. I promise I won’t torture you as much as I tortured them,” she continued, nodding in Ashlyn and Ali’s direction to where they were seated in the cafeteria.</p><p> </p><p>Christen took a sharp breath. </p><p> </p><p>Kelley smiled innocently and placed a quick peck on Christen’s cheek as she walked past her into the doorway, Christen still frozen in place.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Chris?” Kelley asked, turning around to face Christen once again. “I noticed you two both were, uh… not in your rooms this morning. Do you happen to know anything about that?”</p><p> </p><p>Christen stood stupidly in the doorway, holding back laughter. “Nope,” she replied, popping the P. But she wasn’t fooling anyone.</p><p> </p><p> She watched as Kelley shrugged with a smirk on her face and disappeared into the busy crowd in the cafeteria, thankful her friend was going to play dumb for at least a little while longer.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as Kelley was out of her line of sight, Christen finally released the door handle and ran in the direction of the equipment shed, not waiting for the door to shut behind her.</p><p> </p><p>There Tobin was, struggling to fit inside the shed with her full hands and three huge ball bags on her back, dropping some cones at her feet in the process. She stopped and sighed, before she realized that Christen was barreling towards her at a speed that would definitely send them both to the ground if she didn’t stop.</p><p> </p><p>Christen couldn’t contain her laughter that bubbled inside her, doubling over in pain as she tried to catch her breath from laughing so hard. Tears threatened to roll down her cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>And as soon as she met Tobin’s eyes, who looked utterly confused and dumbfounded, Christen’s laugh attack was amplified.</p><p> </p><p>Not able to explain in the moment, only stopping her laughter to gasp for a breath of air, she bent over and scooped up the stray cones, moving behind Tobin and shoving her into the shed. Causing the woman to drop everything that was previously in her hands and flung over her shoulders onto the ground.</p><p> </p><p>Christen shut the door quickly behind them once they were both inside, leaning up against the cool metal after the door clicked shut. The light in the shed flickered on as Tobin reached up and tugged on the string hung from the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>Christen wasted no time. “She knows,” she said between giggles, reaching up to cover her mouth with her hand. She had no idea what had gotten into her, and she had no idea what was so funny.</p><p> </p><p>“Who knows what?” Tobin asked, looking genuinely concerned at Christen’s hysteria. </p><p> </p><p>“Kelley,” Christen explained, beginning to compose herself enough to push herself off of the door and towards Tobin, backing her into the wooden post at the end of the shed. “She knows.”</p><p> </p><p>“About us?” Tobin whispered, feeling Christen’s hands steady on her hips. </p><p> </p><p>Christen snorted, fit of laughter returning for a second wave. She just nodded, leaning her head forward onto Tobin’s shoulders, feeling the woman’s arms rub the sides of her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“How?” Tobin asked, a smile reaching her eyes. Christen’s laugh was so light, so happy. Tears of laughter sprung into the corners of Tobin’s eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Her laugh really was contagious.</p><p> </p><p>Christen shook her head. “No idea. I guess we weren’t as good at keeping secrets as we thought.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin laughed breathlessly, Christen lifting her head. </p><p> </p><p>“You should have seen the look on her face, I mean… we just had an entire conversation and she just <em> knows </em>, and I couldn’t fool her. Not even for a second.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s eyes crinkled at the memory. So few times has she had those horribly awkward conversations with Kelley, but every time they happened, they were hysterical to Christen and not funny at all to Kelley. Christen had always been one to find the humor and beauty in the awkwardness.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you confirm or deny?” Tobin asked. “I don’t care about the answer, I just need to know if we can start doing this in public,” she continued, pulling Christen’s hips flush to hers by the belt loop. Christen blushed.</p><p> </p><p>“Tobin, we work here,” she said, reluctantly pulling away from Tobin’s embrace. She pecked her quickly on the lips, just because she could. “But I said we weren’t together.”</p><p> </p><p>She searched Tobin’s face for any sort of disappointment, but she couldn’t find anything but that woman’s damn perfect smile. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin grabbed one of Christen’s free hands and intertwined them. “Our little secret?” she asked shyly, biting her bottom lip a little. Christen nodded, cheeks still beet red.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin nodded in reassurance. “For now, though, I guess this is kinda fun… sneaking around, nobody knowing.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen nodded, heart pumping adrenaline through her veins and impeding her ability to speak. </p><p> </p><p>“You do remember what happened last time we were in here together, right?” Tobin smirked, looking to her left and right at all of the equipment that surrounded them. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Christen squeaked, confident enough to respond. “But I think it looked a little different, then.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah?” Tobin breathed, pinned to the post by Christen’s stance.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel like you were in my position, right?” Christen placed one hand on the shelf next to Tobin’s head, recreating the moment they both realized that they both wanted to be more than friends. “But now, I’m here. And you’re there.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin gulped.</p><p> </p><p>Christen stepped closer to her again, reaching up with her free to square the woman’s face to hers, turning Tobin’s chin and bringing their lips close.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I kiss you?” Christen whispered, feeling Tobin’s breath on her mouth. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>The kiss was different this time, not as hungry, but slower, more passionate. Christen sighed into the kiss and Tobin quickly matched the pace, finding the confidence to put her hands on Christen’s hips. </p><p> </p><p>It felt like it wouldn’t take long for them to get to know each other if they continued like this. It felt like they had been doing this exact thing for years, knowing what got each other going, knowing exactly how they’d respond.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin took Christen’s bottom lip easily into her gentle teeth, tongue slipping into the woman’s mouth, warm and inviting. </p><p> </p><p>Christen moaned quietly, causing Tobin’s breath to catch in the back of her throat and her heart rate to rise quickly. She felt each noise Christen made as an ache in her chest.</p><p> </p><p>The kiss became more needy than before, Christen’s hands tangled in Tobin’s hair, Tobin’s hands reading Christen’s body like it was a novel.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s mouth roamed Christen’s lips, then to her cheeks, then to her neck, finding out that a particular spot behind the woman’s ear was the one that made her squirm the most. She was completely breathless, not wanting Tobin to stop. </p><p> </p><p>“Chris,” Tobin mumbled against her skin. “God, you’re beautiful,” she whispered quietly, almost as if Christen wasn’t meant to hear it. </p><p> </p><p>Christen didn’t know what it was: the nickname, or the words that followed that made her go a little bit crazy. Either way, it hit her square in the chest and right between her legs.</p><p> </p><p>Christen couldn’t take it anymore. She pulled Tobin back up to kiss her on the lips, and–</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I didn’t know anyone was in here, sorr– OH, oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh my god. Oh my god.” and “Fuck, I’m about to owe Kelley <em> so </em>much money.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen jumped back from Tobin, eyes wide and completely startled by the raspy voice that came from behind them.</p><p> </p><p>She whipped around to find a terrified looking Sonnett, fumbling with a large bag and other miscellaneous equipment, dropping them all over the floor in surprise. </p><p> </p><p>Christen froze. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin was the first to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, shit. Hey, Em.”</p><p> </p><p>More silence, more of Sonnett standing absolutely dumbfounded in the doorway, staring at the scene she had just watched unfold. </p><p> </p><p>Christen tried to stay serious. She felt a bit of pity for Sonnett, she really did. Nobody wanted to walk in on their two friends making out. </p><p> </p><p>Christen tried to picture how it might have looked to the young coach. They probably looked like a mess, half worn out from the day and other half disheveled by their make out session. She bit her bottom lip, suppressing the laughter that gurgled inside of her. She crossed her arms over her chest.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin cleared her throat before she continued. “Sorry about that. It’s definitely not what it looks like. Chris and I were just, uh… Putting some of these balls away,” she explained, all in one hurried breath.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Great. That was a great save, Tobin. Fucking fantastic save. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She gestured to the stray balls on the floor around them as Christen nervously wiped her hands on her pants. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sure guys. Super believable,” Sonnett countered, remembering her initial objective and beginning to gather the things she dropped. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin scratched the back of her head, caught completely red-handed. The three of them stood in silence, Tobin and Christen watching Sonnett reach down and put equipment in its place.</p><p> </p><p>After an uncomfortably long period of awkward silence, Christen cleared her throat. “Uh, do you mind, like, not mentioning this to anyone?” </p><p> </p><p>Sonnett laughed. “Sure,” she said. “But only because I don’t want to owe Kelley any more money than I already do,” she joked. She placed the last ball on the rack and clapped her hands together to get rid of the dust.</p><p> </p><p>Christen decided to ignore whatever that meant, and watched in stunned silence as Sonnett said goodbye and disappeared out of the shed without another word. </p><p> </p><p>She looked back at frozen-in-place Tobin, hair all tousled and lips totally swollen, and she knew that they weren’t going to get away with this, not this time. So much for their little secret.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. You can see it with the lights out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Motherfucker” was the first word that flew out of Tobin’s mouth the following morning, after stubbing her toe on the corner of the dresser next to the bed. </p><p> </p><p>She had barely slept the night before, tossing and turning on the uncomfortable mattress for what felt like hours.</p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t had insomnia like that since her college days, hyped up on nerves from her life on the soccer field while also keeping up with the rigorous academic expectations for student athletes. And the days that followed a restless night of sleep, well… they never turned out well, to put it that way.</p><p> </p><p>Exhaustion wasn’t something that was unfamiliar to Tobin, but every night she slept less than three hours, she woke up feeling like she had been hit by a bus.</p><p> </p><p>And stubbing her toe on the damn dresser wasn’t helping with that.</p><p> </p><p>At all.</p><p> </p><p>“Great,” she mumbled, flopping backwards onto the bed as it creaked and sounded like it was going to collapse beneath her. “Only way to go from here is up,” she murmured to herself, a mantra she would be repeating to herself throughout the day.</p><p> </p><p>She chuckled breathily. She was talking to herself, as if she was going to respond. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin shook her head and climbed to the other side of the bed to get out for the second time, not wanting to take her chances with the stupid dresser again. She cursed whoever designed the small and antiquated cabin.</p><p> </p><p>Who would put a dresser right next to the bed and directly in the natural walking path anyway?</p><p> </p><p>And communal bathrooms? And only one lamp?</p><p> </p><p>She felt like she was in college all over again.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin threw her hair up in a lazy bun on the back of her head, deciding on what to wear as if she was going to choose anything other than her usual baggy sweatpants and sweatshirt that is at least three sizes too big. </p><p> </p><p>She threw on the camp staff windbreaker for the cold morning and headed out the door, making sure to lock the door behind her.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, the sour mood Tobin found herself in followed her out the door and wouldn’t leave her alone. As soon as she heard Kelley’s voice from around the corner, her eyebrows knit together in annoyance and she felt her head start to hurt, frustration with everyone around her already apparent.</p><p> </p><p>Even Christen’s airy and gentle laughter coming from the same direction wasn’t enough to lighten the mood. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin breathed out quickly, willing herself to plaster on the best smile she could before the two women came bustling around the corner. </p><p> </p><p>And soon they did, Kelley’s hands up and waving around in the air for emphasis on whatever she was talking about. </p><p> </p><p>She stepped into line with them next to Christen without a word so she wouldn’t interrupt Kelley’s emotional rant. </p><p> </p><p>She squeezed Christen’s hip quickly and discreetly, careful not to give anything away. More than they had the night before, at least.</p><p> </p><p>Christen smiled and turned her head down to hide the blush that crept up to her cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“... And <em> that </em>is why I think that it’s absolutely ridiculous to say that the book version is always better than the movie. I mean… seriously, Chris? You’re gonna look at me and say the book version of ‘Big Little Lies’ is better than the series? You must be out of your damn mind,” Kelley finished with a huff, crossing her arms in front of her chest with her gaze forward, clearly emotional about the subject.</p><p> </p><p>Christen bit back a laugh, smiling to herself. She always knew how to get Kelley riled up. If she wasn’t overly-passionate about her opinions on something that was practically insignificant and irrelevant to whatever was going on, it wouldn’t be Kelley.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not that deep,” Christen defended, voice light and altogether opposite of Kelley’s. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, it is,” Kelley emphasized. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright, you two, settle down,” Tobin interrupted, not wanting to be caught in the middle of Christen and her best friend. God knows what dumb fights they had gotten into in all the years of knowing each other. “We can argue about this over breakfast. I’m sure everyone is gonna have their opinions about this one.”</p><p> </p><p>As if on queue, Sonnet and Rose sped past, apparently in a footrace to see who could reach the cafeteria door first.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin rolled her eyes, wondering how she ended up here. </p><p> </p><p>She was working with children, and she wasn’t talking about the campers.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin reached the door first out of the others she was walking with, and held it open for Christen and Kelley, a still sour look on the face of the latter.</p><p> </p><p>And Tobin had been right, about everyone having their own opinions. That was for sure.</p><p> </p><p>Not even five minutes after everyone had sat down with their plates full of food, Kelley had gotten everyone arguing about the whole “book vs. movie” debate.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin turned her head to look at Christen sitting next to her, minding her own business and peeling her oranges.</p><p> </p><p>If getting Kelley worked up about this was the goal, then Christen definitely succeeded.</p><p> </p><p>“I just feel like you can’t really compare them sometimes, so how would I be able to pick just a book or just a movie. There’s too many layers to this question,” Tobin heard Rose say once she turned back into the conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah? What book or movie series or whatever is making you say that?” Sonnett asked, hands on the table looking like she was about ready to jump out of her seat.</p><p> </p><p>“Harry Potter.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, my god.” Sonnett put her hands over her face and groaned. “Why does it always have to come back to Harry Potter.”</p><p> </p><p>“Watch it, Em. This is my childhood you’re talking about,” Rose deadpanned, forking her food lazily. </p><p> </p><p>“Childhood?” Sonnett asked in disbelief. “This is not just your childhood, Rose. This is your entire life.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose laughed, knowing fully well that there was at least some truth to Sonnett’s statement.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin suddenly became aware of how close Christen was sitting to her on the bench.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t sure what it was, but something had shifted.</p><p> </p><p>“What about you, Lindsey?”</p><p> </p><p>“I literally never read, so I’m gonna have to go with the movie,” Lindsey said with a shrug. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s mind couldn’t even focus on the conversation at hand, noticing the way Christen bumped her leg into Tobin’s casually.</p><p> </p><p>It was the leg, at first. And then the shoulder leaning in and pressing into her side, to the point that Tobin could feel Christen's laughter against her own body, instead of just hearing it.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s mind went blank.</p><p> </p><p>“Suck it, Christen. I fucking told you the adaptations are better,” Kelley shouted, pointing at Christen. </p><p> </p><p>Christen just shrugged casually, brushing off Kelley’s attitude and having no idea what she was doing to Tobin. “Lindsey’s opinion doesn’t even count. If she doesn’t read, how is she supposed to know which one is <em> better </em> ? She only knows she <em> likes </em> the movies. But not more than the books, because she hasn’t even read them,” she explained, refuting Kelley’s argument. “No offense, Lindsey.”</p><p> </p><p>“None taken,” the blonde laughed, observing the energy at the table. </p><p> </p><p>“Also, books are just better. You know how sequels to things are never as good as the first one? Same idea here,” Christen added.</p><p> </p><p>Once she had finished with her orange, she dropped her hands onto her lap and snuck one over to Tobin’s leg, right above her knee, and rested it there casually.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin held her breath, not knowing what Christen was thinking in the moment.</p><p> </p><p>Even through the thick fabric of the sweatpants, Tobin could feel the sparks.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s just take an old fashioned vote, why don’t we?” Ali chimed in, her first time speaking in this conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you and your dumb ass votes,” Kelley retorted, probably only half joking. “And screw you, Chris, for making me think about this and literally go crazy. You know I won’t be able to let it go until you say I’m right.”</p><p> </p><p>As Kelley spoke, Christen’s hand began to travel further upward, and Tobin literally had to fight to suppress the blush that was flooding her face. She sat there holding her breath, hoping she wouldn’t give herself away.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin became aware of every single point of contact between their bodies, the way Christen leaned into her when nobody was looking, how the sides of their legs pressed into each other on the bench. </p><p> </p><p>And she couldn’t believe it. That Christen would touch her like this so casually, teasing her in front of everyone in plain sight, but in such secret at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>Christen giggled, kicking Kelley’s shins under the table. </p><p> </p><p>“Ow, what the hell?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you shouldn’t rely on my opinion for your confidence in your own,” Christen said, sticking her tongue out at Kelley.</p><p> </p><p>Kelley just stuck hers out too, mocking Christen dramatically. </p><p> </p><p>“Tobin, what do you think?” Kelley asked, turning a little to look her in the eye.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I’m gonna have to go with the book version, not gonna lie,” Tobin admitted, hoping the answer wouldn’t cause too much discourse.</p><p> </p><p>Kelley let her head fall onto the table dramatically, sighing loudly. “Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“I just think Christen made some really compelling points,” she shrugged. She lifted her water in a paper cup up to her lips and took a swig.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, of course you would agree with your girlfri–”</p><p> </p><p>Sonnett slapped a hand over her own mouth, eyes going wide, practically bulging out of her head. Realizing a little too late what she just said. </p><p> </p><p>In front of the whole table.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin practically choked on the water that was still making its way down her throat. Shefroze, body tensing up completely, unable to move or react or respond or even think. She felt the color drain from her face and her eyes go wide, jaw almost literally dropping out to the floor in surprise.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, so much for their little secret.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Damn you and your big mouth, Sonnett. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>And when she held her breath and saw Christen’s reaction that was altogether the same as her own, she knew they were fucked. Christen was just staring at Sonnett, that terrifying jaw-clenched-eyes-narrowed death glare Tobin had seen her give Kelley on multiple occasions by now.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin decided that she was extremely glad to not be on the receiving end of that glare.</p><p> </p><p>The table was silent, processing for what felt like a long time, but in reality couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. And then all hell broke loose.</p><p> </p><p>There was shouting, there was standing up, there were arms flailing. All of it directed at the two frozen women sitting impossibly close to each other on the bench, neither of them able to move. Tobin couldn’t distinguish the individual voices amidst all the commotion.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, you guys are dating?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s literally adorable.”</p><p> </p><p>“I knew it.”</p><p> </p><p>“No you didn’t. None of us did.”</p><p> </p><p>“When did this start?”</p><p> </p><p>“I wish I didn’t have ears. And eyes, actually. Don’t want those. I wish I could go back to five seconds ago when I wasn’t picturing you guys together in that way.”</p><p> </p><p>“I support you, Chris. Don’t worry about everyone else.” That one came from Ali, Tobin was sure. Always the voice of reason.</p><p> </p><p>“Wouldn’t be the first relationship to start out of this damn place.”</p><p> </p><p>“I still think you guys are so perfect together. Literal match made in heaven.”</p><p> </p><p>“What is this, like, the gay dating camp?”</p><p> </p><p>And finally: “You owe me <em> so </em> much money, Sonnett.”</p><p> </p><p>And the response, from Sonnett: “I don’t owe you shit.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin finally mustered the strength to turn her head towards Christen, who’s cheeks were as red as ever with the same blush that often covered the woman’s freckled face. But even weirder, a look of happiness sat upon her face. </p><p> </p><p>She looked like she was trying desperately to follow who was saying what, but she was failing miserably in concentrating enough for that type of in-depth analysis.</p><p> </p><p>Christen was amazed at her friends’ ability to be completely insane and overdramatic, while still having a loving intention behind their surprise. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin breathed a sigh of relief at Christen’s apparent indifference to the situation, and that was Tobin’s signal that it was okay to smile and laugh along with the antics.</p><p> </p><p>Of course it would be Sonnett. They should have known that their friend wasn’t going to be able to keep that one a secret for long. She never had been the trustworthy one anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin reached over and put her hand on Christen’s thigh lightly under the table, rubbing circles with her thumb.</p><p> </p><p>If Christen wasn’t upset about their secret getting exposed, she wouldn’t be either.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as the commotion died down amongst the initial shock, the group realized that the entire population inside the small barn-style cafeteria was staring in complete silence. Each person’s shoulders visibly shrunk as they realized what a scene they had created, and sunk down onto their respective places on the bench. </p><p> </p><p>Between Sonnett’s inquizitory stare, Kelley’s stunned and wide-eyed expression, Ali’s knowing glance, and Rose and Lindsey’s expectant eyes, Tobin knew she was going to have to explain this one. </p><p> </p><p>She sighed deeply, making sure everyone at the table knew they needed to back off. As soon as she opened her mouth to speak, Christen was already halfway through a sentence that made Tobin’s jaw drop halfway to the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s not my girlfriend,” Christen shrugged, not making eye contact with anybody at the table. Tobin stared at her silently, disregarding everybody else seated around them.</p><p> </p><p>“I seriously did not think this could get any more awkward,” Sonnet stated, leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s heart sank. “I’m not?” she asked, voice dripping with disappointment.</p><p> </p><p>“No, because you need to take me on a real date first,” Christen deadpanned, turning her attention to her not-girlfriend who looked like she had just been slapped across the face.</p><p> </p><p>Oh.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>So that’s how this was going to be.</p><p> </p><p>“Right,” Tobin hummed, cursing herself for thinking they’d be an item even though they hadn’t even had that conversation yet. Hell, they’d been messing around for all of about half a week by now.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s heart had a mind of its own.</p><p> </p><p>She’d never had to ask someone out before, not really. Not take them on a real date, a real <em> first </em> date, where she’d take some girl to a movie or to dinner and drive her home and walk her to her doorstep and shyly ask her for a goodnight kiss. </p><p> </p><p>But Christen was different. And she wanted to do everything right. </p><p> </p><p>So if Christen wanted a proper date to make their relationship official, that’s what she was going to get.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin smirked, shoving Christen’s shoulder gently with her own. The woman scrunched her face up adorably at Tobin’s, and all their friends groaned at the idea of the two showing any sort of public display of affection. </p><p> </p><p>“If this is what I’m gonna have to deal with, I’m out,” Sonnett complained again, hands slapping on the tabletop. </p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, Sonnett. You’re just jealous,” Kelley retorted. Tobin snorted. Kelley was definitely not wrong about that one.</p><p> </p><p>The woman blushed. She looked over to Tobin and Christen, Tobin’s arm swung over Christen’s shoulder holding her close, and she stuck her tongue out, causing the whole table to erupt in a fit of laughter.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing, having the secret out in the open.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Tobin wrung her hands together as she stood on the field only hours later, mind clearly preoccupied with other and more important things than teaching a group of teenagers the game of soccer, such as how to woo the woman standing only yards away from her. </p><p> </p><p>She watched as Christen instructed the group on a simple shooting drill, admiring the woman’s confidence and knowledge of the game. She watched how her hair blew gently in the wind, how when she smiled laugh lines appeared next to her eyes, how freckles perfectly dotted her face in the heat of the afternoon sun. </p><p> </p><p>She willed her mind not to wander too far, but it was a lost cause. By the time Christen sent the girls off into their positions for the drill, Tobin realized she hadn’t heard a single word that had come out of the coach’s mouth. </p><p> </p><p>She mentally slapped herself out of her daze, shooting a shy thumbs up in Christen’s direction, before walking to the other end of the field to “observe the drill from a different angle”, which was actually just a lame excuse for having a moment to think without getting so distracted by Christen’s beauty for one damn minute.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin sighed, mulling over her options. The idea of taking her on a date was exciting and nerve wracking at the same time, feeling nerves already stir in her stomach.</p><p> </p><p>Christen wanted a first date.</p><p> </p><p>It sounded so simple, when she thought about it. But then there were the circumstances.</p><p> </p><p>They did happen to be in the middle of the forest, with zero cell reception or wifi, at a camp for kids. So the traditional option for a first date was definitely out the window.</p><p> </p><p>God. Why was this so hard?</p><p> </p><p>Christen liked yoga. And she liked the time of night where the sun had gone down and everyone stopped paying attention to the sunset. She liked cool early mornings, the feeling of wind in her hair. And her favorite color was blue. And she was afraid of failure, always feeling like she was never enough. And she loved those damn oranges she painstakingly peeled each and every meal.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately for Tobin, none of these things were going to help her plan the perfect first date.</p><p> </p><p>The day they’d met, Tobin had no idea what Christen would mean to her just a few short months later. The day they’d met, Tobin knew she had pissed off the beautiful woman that she was slowly but surely falling for. </p><p> </p><p>The day they’d met–</p><p> </p><p>That’s it.</p><p> </p><p>She looked over at Christen, who was standing at the corner of the field with her hands on her hips, smiling face illuminated by the sun, and Tobin knew exactly what she was going to do.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Tobin willed the sun to go down faster so she could finally put her plan into action. Each minute passed painstakingly slow as she stood sure-footed on the grass, trying not to get too excited about what she had planned.</p><p> </p><p>When the sun finally set behind the quiet mountains, she forced herself to sit by Christen’s side at dinner and act completely normal, even though by now her nerves were at an all time high. </p><p> </p><p>She sat silently, observing the room around her and half-paying attention to whatever conversation was unfolding in front of her between her friends. </p><p> </p><p>“I still can’t believe you guys had a <em> bet, </em>” Christen complained, drawling over her words and focusing on another damn orange.</p><p> </p><p>Kelley and Sonnett looked at each other with an accusatory look on their faces, and Kelley shoved Sonnett’s shoulder and gestured her head towards Christen, as if telling her to explain.</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, fine,” she murmured to Kelley, shoving the woman’s arm off of hers. “It hasn’t been that long. The bet, I mean. We made it pretty recently.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen raised her eyebrows at that. “Oh really? When would that be?” she questioned.</p><p> </p><p>“Since the night you got so blasted you couldn’t stay awake at the bonfire,” Kelley deadpanned, causing Christen’s jaw to drop. </p><p> </p><p>“That <em> is </em>a long time ago, what are you talking about?” Christen shouted, not able to contain her surprise. “And I wasn’t blasted, thank you very much.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you weren’t, then how can you explain telling me that you liked Tobin?” Kelley challenged, leaning forward towards Christen.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin blushed, looking at the woman next to her for an explanation. But her mouth only opened and closed for a few fleeting moments, as if she was trying to remember that ever happening.</p><p> </p><p>“I did not tell you that,” Christen decided, pointing at Kelley and narrowing her eyes in pure focus, still trying to bring the distant memory to the front of her mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Ha, she doesn’t even remember,” Kelley said to Sonnett, who stifled a laugh. “You were most definitely wasted.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn it,” Christen cursed, with a slight smile on her face. “Was I that obvious? No wonder you guys made a bet.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t believe Kelley when she told me that you said that, so we just bet on it instead. And I really thought I had it in the bag, but then I walked into the shed last night and there you guys were,” Sonnett shrugged. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin groaned. “Don’t make me relive that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn,” Kelley chuckled in Sonnett’s direction, sipping her coffee. “I’m glad you were the one that saw that instead of me.” The other woman’s face contorted at the memory.</p><p><br/>“It’s basically burned into the back of my eyelids now, so thanks for that,” Sonnett said, sticking her tongue out at Tobin. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re very welcome,” she responded casually, finding her usual wit and ease in the conversation once again. Sonnett and Kelley rolled their eyes in unison, earning a snort from Christen, who then looked over and met Tobin’s warm eyes.</p><p> </p><p>She smiled.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin even forced herself to go back to her own cabin after they had their nightly ritual with the campers, instead of walking Christen back to hers as she so often did.</p><p> </p><p>And she forced herself to wait a painfully long two hours, so she knew everybody else on the camp grounds would be asleep. Christen herself was probably asleep at this point, but Tobin wasn’t going to wait another minute.</p><p> </p><p>So she found herself on Christen’s doorstep, where she so often found herself standing in the middle of the night these days.</p><p> </p><p>She tapped her knuckles against the cold wood of the heavy door three times, and waited a moment as she heard a shuffling Christen behind the barrier. </p><p> </p><p>Every time Tobin saw Christen in her sleepy state–glasses on crooked, pajamas hanging loosely off her body, and curly hair thrown up into a bun, just altogether looking soft and huggable–she wasn’t able to handle it.</p><p> </p><p>Christen’s face lit up. “Hey,” she croaked, leaning into the door a little.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey yourself,” Tobin replied, hands stuffed deep in her pockets. Something about Christen still made butterflies swarm in Tobin’s insides.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing here?”</p><p> </p><p>“Taking you on a date.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen looked taken aback for a moment, then quickly recovered.</p><p> </p><p>“Right now?” she said, hesitance apparent in her voice.</p><p> </p><p>“I was hoping so, yeah,” Tobin said. She dragged her eyes up and down Christen’s body and delighted in the way the woman shivered as she noticed. “But if you’re too tired, it’s all good.”</p><p> </p><p>She raised her eyes to meet Christen’s. She seemed to contemplate it for a moment, head tilting with a cocked eyebrow as she looked at the woman in front of her, wondering what the hell she had planned.</p><p> </p><p>She sighed. “Alright, fine. What do I need?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing, unless you wanna grab a jacket.”</p><p> </p><p>“Got it.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen shut the door on Tobin, leaving her face inches from the wood. She exhaled and turned, walking over to the railing of the raised porch.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alright, that wasn’t too bad. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Christen reappeared on the porch, still in her pajama pants and old tee. She shut the door behind her, careful not to make too much noise.</p><p> </p><p>“Ready?” Tobin asked, reaching out for Christen’s hand, who gladly accepted the offer and intertwined their fingers. Christen pulled Tobin closer and shivered in the chill of the night air.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t a particularly cold night on the grounds of the camp. It was one of the warmest they had experienced yet, in Tobin’s opinion. They walked down the stairs and swiftly through the silence of the camp, light footed on the dirt. As soon as Tobin led Christen onto the beginning of the path to the lake, Christen groaned and squeezed Tobin’s hand as they walked.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you really going to make me go swimming? Right now? In the middle of the night?” Christen asked, voice breaking the silence.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s half the fun,” Tobin shrugged, playfully leaning into Christen and knocking her a little off balance. “It’s just a little adventure.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen relaxed, finally out of earshot of any other possible campers or staff that could have heard or seen them walking. Tobin grinned, happy to finally get Christen alone for a little while.</p><p> </p><p>After a little more casual banter and small talk, the lake was finally in view, illuminated by the lustering glow of the moon on its surface. </p><p> </p><p>But instead of stopping at the main bank, Tobin tugged Christen up to the rock, the same one they had jumped off of the first day, the same one Christen had shared a piece of her knowledge of the stars on the night that Tobin realized that she just might be falling for the one and only Christen Press.</p><p> </p><p>Christen laughed as she stumbled over various rocks and roots in the ground, holding onto Tobin’s guiding hand for dear life in the near-complete darkness.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin sighed as they reached the destination, sitting down and taking her place on the warm surface of the slab of granite. She watched Christen sit down and lean back on her hands, raising her eyebrows in amusement at whatever the hell Tobin was thinking.</p><p> </p><p>There was something intimate about the night. Maybe it was because Tobin couldn’t tell where her skin ended and the air began, maybe it was because Christen looked even more perfect in the moonlight (not that she didn’t already look perfect at all other times in the day).</p><p> </p><p>She had always thought that the night outdoors was a special kind of blackness, the kind where you knew you were alone but not lonely. It was a warm blackness, and within its safety Tobin could feel her own emotions more safely, and have them out in the open without fear. </p><p> </p><p>They sat in silence for a moment, the silence as a comfortable blanket over the two.</p><p> </p><p>“So,” Christen started. “First date?”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin bit her lip, a little bit embarrassed. “I guess so, yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen just smiled, and looked down at her lap, probably blushing. </p><p> </p><p>“I wanted to come back here with you. Remember the day we met?” Tobin asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, of course I do.”</p><p> </p><p>They both laughed at the memory of Tobin being absolutely terrified standing on the edge of the drop, watching Christen hurl herself through the air before breaking through the surface of the water.</p><p> </p><p>“I just thought it would be special, you know? And also we’re in the middle of the forest, so my options are a little limited here, Chris,” she said, scratching the back of her head. “I would have totally done something else if I had more time to pla–”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s perfect, T. I don’t need anything fancy,” Christen laughed, interrupting Tobin’s rambling. She crawled over to Tobin, gently positioning herself so she could lay her head in the woman’s lap. Tobin reached down and tucked a piece of stray hair behind Christen’s ear as she looked down at her. “All that matters is that I’m here with you,” she whispered.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin sighed, nerves leaving her body. </p><p> </p><p>“It really is a perfect night,” Christen said softly, looking from Tobin to the stars that hung low in the sky. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it is,” Tobin hummed in agreement, leaning her head back to get a better look.</p><p> </p><p>“See those three stars in a line?” Christen asked, pointing in a direction somewhere over the lake.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin nodded. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you know what that constellation is?” </p><p> </p><p>“Orion’s belt?” Tobin guessed. She went off of what little knowledge she had from her elementary school astrology science unit, and Orion’s Belt happened to be one of the things that stuck.</p><p> </p><p>Christen beamed as Tobin looked down at her. “Yeah! Well, close. Orion’s Belt is a part of the major constellation Orion, but the ‘belt’ is the part that’s easiest to identify. So I’d say you got that one.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin chuckled, booping Christen on the nose. </p><p> </p><p>“How did you get into the stars and all that fancy stuff?” she asked, genuinely curious.</p><p> </p><p>Christen bit her bottom lip, thinking. </p><p> </p><p>“My dad has always loved the stars,” she said, pausing for a moment to collect her thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin nodded in encouragement, stroking Christen’s hair gently.</p><p> </p><p>“But we never really got to see them, living in LA. All the smog and lights, right? But he still put me in astrology camps summer after summer, whenever I wasn’t playing soccer, of course. And I learned so much about the stars and the planets and the universe, and I just fell in love. I knew every fact about every constellation, the stories and theories behind them. My room was space themed, if you can imagine that. And I drove my entire family insane by spewing random useless facts all the time. But I had never really seen the stars.</p><p> </p><p>“So my dad took me on a camping trip, one year, somewhere around here actually. Just me and him. And he had bought this expensive telescope,” Christen paused to laugh. “He knew how much it meant to me. It was something we shared an interest in, you know? It’s hard for dads to connect with their daughters sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin nodded, fully understanding what that meant in her own life.</p><p> </p><p>“And we stayed up all night looking through the telescope and talking about the stars and constellations, him teaching me things, but more me rambling on and on about how pretty they were. We finally had gotten far enough away from Los Angeles to see everything clearly.</p><p> </p><p>“I just remember this feeling of amazement. The realization that I was so small, you know? Even for an elementary school kid, it was pretty humbling to realize that there was a possibility that the world did not in fact revolve around me,” Christen said, airy laugh in her words. </p><p> </p><p>“We eventually turned the camping trip into a tradition that we kept until I graduated from high school. Some of those nights are my fondest memories,” she finished, exhaling softly after she was done.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin took a moment to think, letting the silence drape over them once again.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn,” Tobin said finally. “That sounds amazing.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen smiled, reaching her head up to peck Tobin quickly on the lips. </p><p> </p><p>“And I totally know what you mean, about being small. It’s good to be humbled every once and a while. And there’s no better way to realize that than by being under the stars.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Christen whispered in agreement, turning her attention back to the night sky.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me about Orion?”</p><p> </p><p>Christen grinned as she intertwined Tobin’s free hand with hers. </p><p> </p><p>“What do you want to know?” she asked, adoring Tobin’s innocent curiosity.</p><p> </p><p>“A story,” the woman responded easily, thumb ghosting over the back Christen’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>Christen hummed. “You remember the night we were here with all the campers?”</p><p> </p><p>“How could I forget.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right,” Christen laughed. “The stars I talked about that night. Canis major and minor? Those constellations are the hunting dogs of Orion, essentially.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin’s face lit up at the connection, wondering about all the other connections between the constellations. She nodded excitedly, urging Christen to continue.</p><p> </p><p>“Orion is the hunter, and he has the bow over here,” Christen pointed their hands towards a string of light that hung in the sky. “And the belt is the one you saw earlier. Anyway, Orion said that he could rid the Earth of all the wild animals, but that made the goddess of Earth pretty angry. She sent a scorpion to defeat Orion. And he tried to battle the scorpion, but he realized that he couldn’t shoot his arrow through the creature’s armor. So he jumped into the sea.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not entirely. Apollo saw something in the ocean, a shadowed figure, and told Artemis it was some terrible villain, and she shot the target without realizing that it was actually Orion.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn,” Tobin whispered, eyes not leaving the blackness of the sky.</p><p> </p><p>“Artemis begged the gods to bring Orion back to life, but they wouldn’t. So she put Orion’s picture in the sky so that she could always see him.”</p><p>There was a sense of nostalgia in her voice, and it was no doubt that Christen felt inexplicably connected to the night sky. Tobin adored that. </p><p> </p><p>And when she couldn’t take it anymore, she leaned over and pulled Christen into a gentle kiss, just strong enough to feel her breath dance across her face, the taste of her chapstick, the warmth of her skin.</p><p> </p><p>When Christen moved to deepen it, though, hands familiarly grabbing the back of her neck, Tobin knew there was one more thing she needed to do.</p><p> </p><p>She forced herself to pull back and hesitate a few inches from Christen’s face, and she knew both of them instantly missed the connection. But before Christen’s sudden frown could change her mind, she moved to stand up and walk over to the edge of the cliff. </p><p> </p><p>“What the hell are you doing?” Christen wondered aloud, a little annoyed at the interruption of the moment they’d been sharing.</p><p> </p><p>Tobin didn’t respond for a moment. Instead, she kicked off her flip-flops and hung her toes over the edge, the jump seeming a lot further in the dark.</p><p> </p><p>She shrugged and looked back at Christen over her shoulder. “Payback.”</p><p> </p><p>She inhaled deeply before jumping with both feet into the air, suspended for a long moment before being enveloped in the cool water, hearing Christen yell her name after her. But she was already long gone.</p><p> </p><p>She pushed her way to the surface, treading water and marvelling at the weighted feeling of all of the clothes on her body.</p><p> </p><p>Christen just watched from above, jaw dropped open as she watched bubbles dissipate around Tobin’s body. She scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you serious right now?” she yelled, throwing her arms up into the air.</p><p> </p><p>“Come in, it’s not too bad in here. Honestly,” Tobin said, floating on her back.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re ridiculous,” Christen complained, turning and walking out of Tobin’s line of sight. She just waited, knowing the woman would eventually give in.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be a wimp,” she added for dramatic effect, quoting Christen’s exact words from the day they met.</p><p> </p><p>Just as she predicted, the next thing Tobin saw was Christen’s silhouette making the leap off the rock and hitting the water with as much grace and ease as she could muster. She reached the surface after a moment, splashing in the water around her.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate you,” she deadpanned, treading water over to wear Tobin floated. Her own laughter almost made her lose her ability to stay above water. </p><p> </p><p>“No you don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right. I don’t,” Christen said, pulling Tobin in for a quick kiss and trying to stay above water. “But I could.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Tobin responded simply, looking over at Christen’s figure illuminated by the light. Christen narrowed her eyes at Tobin, causing shivers to run down the woman’s spine.</p><p> </p><p>“Race you?” Christen asked, already starting to swim towards the bank of the lake. </p><p> </p><p>Tobin just swung her arms as fast as she could, still not being able to keep up with the woman, breathing loudly as she finally made it to the shore, collapsing on her back next to where Christen sat on the sand, the water gently lapping at her ankles.</p><p> </p><p>It was silent, again. Comfortable. Tobin took a deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>“So will you?” Tobin asked, turning on her side to look at Christen with hopeful eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Will I what?” </p><p> </p><p>“Be my girlfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>Christen seemed to contemplate it for a moment, eyes going wide as if she hadn’t expected this. Tobin hesitated for a moment, freezing. She wondered if she had taken it too far, if this wasn’t what Christen wanted with her, if it–</p><p> </p><p>Her thoughts were interrupted by four simple words in her favorite voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I will.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobin smiled, and Christen could have sworn she had never seen a smile so big in her entire life.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” Tobin said aloud, not believing this was really happening.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Christen echoed, tugging Tobin up for a kiss to seal her words.</p><p> </p><p>And it was just them, again. Just Tobin and Christen and the lake and the trees and the night sky, and of course all the beautiful stars that seemed to perfectly align overhead.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi guys! Sorry for the long wait on this chapter, I've just been struggling to find motivation but I think I'm getting back into it lol. I hope everyone is staying safe and doing well! Let me know what you think, I hope you all enjoy :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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